I'm sorry that I can't relate to picture perfect, or the happily ever afters you fondly recite from your fairy tale books. I'm sorry that I always get stains on my brand new white shirts, and when I color I can't quite seem to stay within the lines.
I'm sorry when I hear the word magic it reminds me of my first heartbreak, because I fell in love with the illusion of a person I didn't really know. I wish you could understand that everything I've ever loved has just been on big magic show.
So forgive me when your innocent lips mumble the worlds "i love you" and I hear nothing. But rather see a rabbit being pulled out of a hat to tug at the strings of my heart. Stimulating my heart to beat quicker as though replicating the applause of a cheering audience sitting in chairs just as cold and hard as their soulless hearts.
My love when you ask about the caution tape around my body, and I say it's because I'll break you. I do not mean you are an un-boiled egg being placed in the jaws of a lion. No, I mean you are much like the Titanic. You're beautiful, strong, and full of so much potential. People look at you and admire you, because you are a true work of art.
But you want to set sail across the surface of my icy glass like waters that engulf my shattered, and broken heart. And as you glide along with such confidence and surety you will collide with a splinter of my oozing heart. You will hit into my iceberg and be left with nothing but pieces of who you once were.
I will forever be the darkness that lingers in the light. The unseen shadow that is only remembered when cast into the light. I don't want to be what I am, but I can't change. I love you, oh how I deeply, and painfully love you. And it's because I love you that I want you to take a magnifying glass to the windows of my soul. I want you to see the tainted parts of who I am and come to hate it, to hate me.
I will force you away from me in away which you will not be able to understand or fight. And I will watch in agony as the torch you once carried for me now burns for someone new. It stings more than 1,000 cuts from a red hot blade, but the pain of one tear drop rolling down your flawless face because of my imperfections would cause me more pain than anything I can imagine.
Fret not my little dove, I will find peace in and among my pain. True love is protecting that person above all else. And sadly, my love, my oh so handsome love, I must protect you, from myself.
I wrote this thinking about my best friend. Someone who became my entire world and so much more. I saw that they had a good life, and were full of genuine happiness, and as soon as I became apart of their lives my personal problems and drama would cause them unhappiness. I knew I wasn't someone good for their life, so I pushed myself away until he found a new girl and began talking to her. Not being able to handle my emotions I knew eventually I'd cause problems between them so I decided to further my distance from him and quit being his friend entirely. All in his best interest, and all at my loss and dismay. But one more person in this world was spared heartbreak. And for that, I'm truly happy.