In first grade you accused me of having a stutter, just because I couldn't speak as fast as the others. So I studied really hard, and now I speak just fine. But in third grade that didn't matter, cause you'd made me a sign. You labeled me something, now it's stuck in my head. Along with all the other names and mean things that you've said. In fifth grade I didn't try out, for the cheer leading team. You said I was too fat and that I couldn't fit my jeans. Seventh grade came around, and I was slim as a stick. I didn't eat much anymore, so you labeled me an anorexic bitch. Each day that went by, I got more and more depressed. Until one day I decided to just not get dressed. I slept all morning, and woke up that night. Then for hours with my thoughts I did endlessly fight. Ninth grade crept up, there was a huge school dance. You knew who I liked and said I didn't have a chance. Everything you said, I eventually believed, until that one day senior year, I saw what most didn't see. I saw your father hit you, I found out your mother had died, I watched you run into the bathroom with tears in your eyes. I found out you were failing, and heard your boyfriend had cheated. And it was right then and there that your spell I defeated. It was the end of senior year, and I knew I wasn't the problem. I had been living to please you, and you pinned me at the bottom. You had the issues, you were in pain. But I'm my own person, and that you can't change. You brought people down, because your ship was sinking. But I've abandoned ship, from now on I'll do my own thinking. I'm not stupid, or fat, and I didn't have a stutter. I'm not ugly or worthless, and my crush said we're perfect for each other. I'm following my heart, I'm chasing my dreams, and from this day forward. I'm living for me.
Recently I've noticed, that the world's skin deep. We've stopped looking past our features, and started scanning from head to feet. Closed minds don't matter, when your legs are open wide. Just like a personality is worthless, when you only want physically inside. We say we want to find love, but only indulge ourselves in lust. Just to wind up brokenhearted, and wondering who we can trust.
Baby blame it all on me. I'll take your pain, I'll set you free.
I don't care about the facts, just pin it all upon my back.
We can stay up and fight all night, I'll say I'm sorry, turn out the light.
And then I'll cry until I can't, but I'll take credit for the rants.
I'm the fuck up, I'm the problem, and I'm sorry that I can't solve em.
But I'll try, and I'll say. That's it's alright, you're okay.
It wasn't you, it's just me. I'm the problem, can't you see?
So then you'll blame it all on me.
But I'll take your pain, if it'll set you free.
So I let you blame it all on me.
The lights were dim, casting a faint shadow over your rounded lips.
You placed your hand on the table, and with the gentlest of eyes you peered into the very depths of my being. My fingers intertwined with yours, and my cheeks tugged at the edges of my lips as I tried to fight back a overly idiotic smile. I lifted my eyes and looked right back into yours, as though they were but a window into the things of your past, but I merely closed the curtains. For all that mattered in that moment was the heat I felt sinking into my skin from your hand holding mine. All that mattered was the way your eyes glistened in the faded lights, and the way your lips seemed to be taunting me to kiss them. I don't know the definition of perfect, and I know nothing in life is. But I do know that happiness is very real, and I was so genuinely, and confidently, happy. You then drove me home, oh how I wished the miles could of drug on forever. Stealing glances of your picture perfect portrait as you had your eyes on the road. But my favorite was attempting to steal a glance only to find you already looking at me. It wasn't love, no, not yet. But it was the kind of happiness you search a lifetime for, and when you find it, your life kind of just feels, complete. I wanted to kiss you, but I'm glad I didn't. As I watched you casually walk back to your truck, I held my breath to keep myself from calling out your name. You see, just because in your book, everything is going smoothly like a fairy tale. You're not the author of the other persons novel, and to you, my handsome prince. To you I was merely apart of your introduction. See you hadn't even wrote your first chapter yet, and I had thought we were writing the last one of our pages, together. But you, you wanted to be;
on your own.
Like the ever taunting waves that crash violently upon the sea shore. I could feel the force of your soul beating on the
walls of my fragile heart.
Like quick sand the harder I tried to fight it, the quicker I sunk into a deep well of
bitter sweet pain. There was good pain, though. Like that feeling you give me when you stare into the window's of my soul
triggering my veins to swell and heave with nervous energy.
Or that pain when I explain something dark and unpleasant but
I can see the understanding in your eyes. The look of knowing what I've gone through, because you've experpienced it
Your smile, it's mesmerizing. Like the first snowfall on a early Christmas morning, your smile casts a beam
of happiness into the hollow halls of my heart. And like dancing sparks drifting from a fire, my feelings for you burn on
into the night.
You didn't get my permission to enter into the
crevasses of my tired heart. But the moment you did, I was no longer just alive, I was living.
Will I ever outgrow this constant state of failure. This so called Karma, or "bad luck" that seems to haunt every path I tread. Like a shadow, it's presence is constantly there, just not always visible. Will I ever be seen as perfect? What defines perfection, what makes one perfect, how do you obtain this title, and how do you keep it. How can I become anything besides myself.
Hand in hand
We walked across
A bridge we built
On perfect flaws
Below our feet
Ran a river
Of broken hearts
And dreams that withered
This dreadful sight
I clung to you
And held on tight
I looked into
Once beaming eyes
My heart was breaking
I was falling in
You had pushed me
To my end
And as I plunged
Into the blood
Of broken hearts
Tears, and mud
I grabbed your hand
And said not today
I will not be
I searched your eyes
And begged for love
But all I got
Was another shove
Drowning in the pain of others
The blood washed away
The scars I'd covered
Trying to keep
My fears at bay
I refuse to be
Holding onto empty lies
My tears became the rivers pride
It grew in strength and pulled me under
Out of hope, and way out numbered
Opened my eyes
For one last glance
Reached one more time
But to my dismay
I'd finally been