"rationalizing" poems
its been
moments since I thought about you
in any capacity
minutes since
I remembered some portion of our story
hours since I felt anger
days since I tried to pick up my phone
weeks since I last contacted you
months since we last touched.
its been
months since you crushed me
weeks since I put on the brave face
days since I longed for you
hours since I spoke of you
minutes of starring into a blank screen
silently pleading
moments before all this is behind me again.
It’ll be
Moments of weakness
when I think about “us”
Minutes of silent cursing
while you run through my mind
Hours of rationalizing
before I let it go
Days of depression
I know
Weeks of emotions crammed into a few minutes
Months of self doubt and insanity
Soon it’ll be
years
But I’ll always have
the
tears.
Feb 25, 2010
Feb 25, 2010 at 10:25 PM UTC
Everything was going according to plan
Highschool. Pre-Med. Med. Specialization.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think
That you would add up to this equation
Never did I think that things would end up
Like how it is at this moment.
*You never were meant for this equation
And yet, you fit in so perfectly*
I was expecting nothing, and yet.. You
Never did I think that you, once a variable, would become a constant. That you would succeed euler's number or the symbol for radians, pi, as important constants in my life, you're as important but as confusing as i.
I mean, at times you're really confusing me
like rationalizing the negative square root of 3, but it's simply, really how I thought it would be to make sense of irrationality. Things like this would make sense mathematically, but not in reality. In reality, you're more simple, yet oh-so filled with insanity. But it still boggles my mind, on how a lovely variable like you becomes a constant in my life.
May 30, 2015
May 30, 2015 at 11:30 AM UTC
Some get that way by playing it safe,
memorizing mantras, righteously abiding by rules,
some get there by cutting seams,
lost in purposelessness, partaking of
ether, marijuana, alcohol, or anything
that's buzzy enough,
some find their sweepstakes in curls,
in fantasies, on the internet, or in the aftermath,
some claim the spoils, some gracefully accept
determination, some divorce their wives,
some happily raise their pulse to the heavy metals,
some review albums and cut down the ********
some write love stories for our grandmas,
our moms,
our ex-girlfriends,
some find it in politics, right winging, left winging, chicken winging,
some in bomb threats,
some find it in supremacy,
others in melting pots,
some cheer up over breakroom chitty-chats,
some in **** ***
some in sympathizing with pedophiles trapped in iron lungs,
some when they have hit the bottom rung,
some by rationalizing,
boosting themselves above half-wrongs,
to coast on the half-rights,
some by breaking up,
some by declaring war,
only to get discouraged, yet proud of the scars,
some kids dance to experimental music,
some write blogs about capitalism,
some find it kicking it with bitter vegans,
others while murdering their parents,
but everyone is a winner,
everyone is right,
everyone has earned the paycheck,
the vacation,
the **** wife,
and the key to eternal life.
Dec 16, 2010
Dec 16, 2010 at 8:03 AM UTC
Anxiously awaiting atomic assimilation
Basing me on belligerent and boorish bastardization
Capsizing cargo with careful consideration as to
Deciding which day is decay's destination
Everyone embrace the elevated expiration
Forget my face and follow fabrication
Go to the gallows with grace and gravitation
He will hold you and hinder alienation
I, however, hold insignificance in interest
Justifiable jackhammers jacking fighter jets
Killing Californians who are kissing canvases
Lying without laughing and lighting cigarettes
My master makes me move my mundane mind
Never knowing next to nothing with nothing else inside
Overly offering operating override
Practicing patiently pulling peoples' pride
Quickly questioning quizzical quietness
Rationalizing raging reinventions ridiculous
Stapling this summer to my (still) sick subconscious
Traveling tunnelers trading tides for tiredness
Under the umbrella my undertow untangles
Violently vibrating like varying violin angles
Waiting with wandering whispers under the table
Xylophonist x-rays, excruciating fables
You yellow youngling, you who screams in my dreams
Zebras zoom by every single night, it seems
Let's chant my enchantments, the alliteration song!
And untie your tongue
So you don't take it wrong.
Feb 17, 2011
Feb 17, 2011 at 6:59 PM UTC
feathered daydreams
semantically encoded heartache
we all remember
i remember
where we came from
we never go back to again
rationalizing pain until it
becomes a drum
and it echoes
*i fall down the stairs again
hit my face on the tile
and when my lip bleeds
it comes as a relief*
two-pence for lovers
a penny for thoughts
shots of chamomile to chase the night time
away
butterfly beats
ba-dum ba-dum
ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum
fluttering
like eyelids longing for greater ends
spit out that memory
pull it out of your ears
maybe it doesn't really
matter anymore
May 3, 2017
May 3, 2017 at 7:04 PM UTC
It’s the third of April and I was there
Sitting still, wondering
Observing the lifeless environment that surrounds me
And I simply couldn’t help but think
How did it all come to this
And why
It was exactly a year ago, during April, too
A blossoming sense of the beginning of new life
Little did I know
There was something even more beautiful than the flowers and trees
Something more serene than the feeling of crisp air and bright yellow sunlight
Little did I know that such a lively season
Was above, beyond, and even better than the liveliest things combined
Within three months after, it was mid July
And by then things only got more astounding
“Breath taking”, even
I’ve come to known this cheerful atmosphere’s smiles
Laughs, and confidence, and everything that makes it the amazing familiarity within me
And it was charming and it was lovable
Just like the warm breeze and chilly nights
What a wonderful thing to learn true happiness from the happiest surrounding itself
At this point all it ever was, was everything but sorrowful
Oh and November rolled around
And as leaves started to hit the bottom
Trees started to give up, and flowers started to disappear
So did it
So did it
This vicinity, of all the happiest vibes
The sweet turned to bitter
Just as the blossoms turned to gloom
It fell into a million little pieces
And all they could do was shatter it even more
And all they could blame was itself
All they could judge was nothing but the setting
And the thing that was once like sunshine
Turned into ice cold
Who would’ve guessed
That the happy atmosphere they once knew
Was this dark hole ******* itself into it
And who would’ve guessed
That the strongest, too, break
It was February and
It was the most similar thing to an incomplete train of thought
It was February
And everything was completely gone
The fragrance of what were once the roses
The scenery of what were once the moving lakes
The warmth of all the components of happiness
Its warmth
They were gone too
Too soon, and too fast
And now it’s the fourth of April
I’m still here I’m still rationalizing
I’m still thinking over
Onto why
Why am I the only one left
Is it really fair to leave me the same
Just when everything else had changed
-djs
May 19, 2013
May 19, 2013 at 3:25 PM UTC
I've written this letter too many times
in my head on the back of napkins
Starbucks' receipts journal pages
I stopped addressing them
because who else would they be for?
They all start with I'm sorry
because I want you to know that I am
but they trail off into explanations
rationalizing what I did
to somehow be your fault
and instead of mine, as if
I was some damsel and you were some
mustache-twirling villain.
Once again, I'm sorry.
I was less and you more naive than I pretended.
I wasn't helpless I was selfish
I just want you to understand that it was never
your fault; it wasn't even mine.
We played our cards, but I've seen enough movies
to know that the house always wins.
I missed the opportunity to leave while I was ahead
so I got out before I could lose anymore
hoping you wouldn't notice.
I want answers
(do you know what happened?
could you tell how gone I was?
did you think it was you?
what would you have done?
what if?)
but I don't deserve them.
Good night, darling.
I'm sorry that I stopped saying
I love you.
Know that it was not because
I no longer meant it but instead because
I did.
Jun 25, 2014
Jun 25, 2014 at 5:21 AM UTC
What is it like to think with your brain?
What is it like to think with such a mind like yours?
I want to look into your soul, to see who you really are.
I want to explore the depths of your beautiful and complex mind.
How does it feel to have such intelligence?
Is everything about logic and rationalizing ideas?
I wonder how you feel.
I want to know your emotions.
I want to know your heart:
Who do you love?
What do you love?
What are your interests?
What are your passions?
I want to know everything.
How is it that I have such an amazing person presently in my life? How do I not know anything about them?
You're such a mystery.
A lock that won't budge.
Why is that lock so stubborn?
© 2018 Omni Winters
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018 at 3:13 AM UTC
Taking away your peace of mind
Hunting you down everywhere
Every move you make is mine
Stealthily moving in the shadows
Thoughts of tying you up linger
Allowing escalation of my heart beat
Looking for the right words
Killer instincts secretly penned
Even among the grey matter
Rationalizing fear, the brain is the stalker
Jun 3, 2015
Jun 3, 2015 at 9:23 PM UTC
she had always kept
her own idea of him
like a bad tattoo
making sense of those blurred lines
rationalizing regrets
Sep 13, 2018
Sep 13, 2018 at 9:43 PM UTC
Nothing is but an ideology
Created within the midst of terminology
Contemplated inside the realm of human sociology
Excessive thought creates a disease of unknown etiology
Without nothing, the purpose of something lacks possibly
Fathoming such perceives speculations of oddities
How can one measure that lacking of qualities
and incomplete of quantity?
Theorization subconsciously
Rationalizing improbably
On the brink of psychopathy
Is it really all but a prophecy?
Distorting my mind in such ferocity?
Encompassing dimension of philosophy
Does the term nothing orbit a sense of despondency?
Interpreting into a form of commodity
But how can I construe what nothing is,
I mean quite honestly?
Mar 7, 2014
Mar 7, 2014 at 8:17 PM UTC
She wrote love on a screen,
copied and pasted Death Cab
lyrics most sincerely.
But sincerity in high school
leaves few friends.
It is ostracized
like curly hair
and blemished faces.
So she followed her
forgotten heart into the dark.
Obit quotes of friends and family
vacant of responsibility.
Everyone blind-sighted,
to the scholar they wanted to see,
leaving her final breath
warrantless,
as if advanced Chemistry
excused her from Depression.
No one payed attention.
Her suicide was a crime of pain.
Her favorite song was the beauty of Death
And with her friends gone,
family busy,
and identity lost,
her soul embarked
on finding light in the dark.
Allyson,
you found it,
suffocating your isolation
to cardiac arrest,
so I didn't have to
a year later,
crumbling next to a stuck window screen,
next to a world that
didn't love me,
rationalizing two stories
wouldn't **** me,
crying in the flashlight
of remains below
I feared being.
Sleep peacefully,
Allyson Rose Green,
because your soul
is forever breathing in that song,
at least, for me.
And eight years from your death,
hearing it again,
I wish we could have been friends.
Maybe then, high school,
you could have survived.
And I could have lived it
with at least one lonely friend.
I barely scraped by.
Oct 2, 2014
Oct 2, 2014 at 2:45 PM UTC
Is it cruel to silence a pregnant woman with a dozer
Sold their souls to a war criminal's thirst
Rationalizing every lies with more of them, so kosher
Ask the children died of starvation and thirst
Ever felt threatened by the fire they spit
Lessons never learned, or was it a skit
Feb 12, 2024
Feb 12, 2024 at 12:10 PM UTC
Love is an expansion
Not a contraction
Love is giving not taking
Love is an understanding
Not rationalizing
Love is forgiving
Love is embracing
Possessing object or a person
Is not love
It’s an attachment and greed
If it’s a true love
You never have a fear of losing
You believe in love
Your own heart
Love lives with its authenticity
Regardless space ,time , distance and relationships
Love radiates on its own
If there is a tinge of fear
It’s not love
When love is the guide
It knows the destination
Believe in love
It’s your protector
It’s your salvation
©️Sobbingsoul
Aug 24, 2019
Aug 24, 2019 at 12:51 PM UTC
We don’t want the good guy. I mean we do, we like the idea of him, but not actually him. We want the one who is going to rip our heart out and eat it in front of us.
We want to cry and hate ourselves. Hate our bodies for wanting him, our hearts for going back and our minds for rationalizing it all. We want him because at some point we were taught it was okay; either by our father, brother, uncle, the media, by peers or him.
We were called prudes, old maids and told to lower our standards and give in.
Who were we to think we’d find a man to treat us like that, like a queen? After all he was our king...And so we go along passing up the boring boys for the exciting men. We trade in the picket fence and 2 kids for sleepless nights wondering what it was that we did wrong. Why can’t he love us, the way we love him? But I’m a sucker for punishment and on to the next one.
Oct 20, 2012
Oct 20, 2012 at 8:53 PM UTC
Obsession followed by jealousy and possession,
masked as love
Manipulation and deceit
Lying through your ******* teeth
Hateful words and aggression followed by violent outbursts, and
the sound of your fist going through the wall
Always rationalizing your bad behavior
or blaming me
Isolation and Oppression
Prodding and stalking, prodding and stalking
Control,
You stole
my life away
But I settled for
Walking on eggshells so as not to disturb
Hiding my views so as not to provoke
Trying to fit into your perfect mold
I thought our shapes would tessellate, but I was blinded by the misconception of your alleged love for me
Jul 11, 2016
Jul 11, 2016 at 5:23 PM UTC
in this,
my darkest hour,
the shadow of doubt
sits as I sleep
staring into my eyes
when I look at
him
and burning
holes in my form
when I find the
courage
to look
away
he is silent,
most times
seemingly satisfied
with encroaching fear
from his very prescience
but at times,
he does speak
he whisper to me
soft truths
which I cannot
deny
but
I refuse
to
accept
these truths
like…
that I’m failing
at the simplest of
tasks
or
that I’m
unable
to control myself
and what
I am
or
that
I am no
longer
someone that
I would
look
up
to
for the most part,
I can ignore these.
going about my days
in bliss and happiness
and sunshine
other times,
I am not so
lucky
when my bed
seems my only
friend
and I flop
down into its
soft sheets
and begin drifting off
into my own
world
I am
suddenly reminded
of his
existence
this is when he doesn’t talk
he just looks at me,
knowing why I am so
desperate to get away
from everyone,
and continues to
look
stop staring!
I say
stop staring!
I say again
stop staring!
stop staring!
stop staring
you *******
freak!
but he doesn’t
I work myself up
arguing with him
rationalizing his motivations
analyzing his strategies
predicting his moves
it just makes the whole
experience hurt worse
until finally:
I grab the lamp,
the bottle, the
plate, the knife,
the book, the child,
the girlfriend, the
family member,
the moral
and
throw it at him
every time
the object shatters
against the wall
and the shadow
is gone
I never see where he goes,
I’m still not sure of his name
or his purpose
in these, my darkest hours,
I can feel his eyes burning
me
he whispers answers
too hard to swallow
and edges me on till
I gallop over the edge
once I jump,
he leaves,
leaving me to wrestle
back to some sort of
sanity
I am not sure why
I am not sure when
I am not sure how
it’s possible in the
first place
but I know he will return
and I will be left to wrestle
with myself when he departs
again
in my bleakest moment,
even sleep haunts me with
dreams of my corpse
Apr 6, 2011
Apr 6, 2011 at 9:42 AM UTC
Here is a jumbo sized **** you" to my ******
Three years, countless breakdowns, a broken person, and one friend request later...
Here we are
Social media is deliberate, you adding me was deliberate
Do you know you are a ******
I did not consent to you on that eerie February night
I will not consent to your friend request today
I ask you; what could you make out of seeing my profile?
You have already violated by insides, you have violated my heart, my mind, my body
Do not seek a response from me, I have myself to take care of
When I saw your name, I was surprised I did not cry
Animalistic and intentional, all I can think is "how dare you"
Actively "add friend", **** you
I am at a loss for words
I am incapable of rationalizing this
Who do you think you are?
Stare at my profile picture now,
My eyes are sadder
My smile less pure
My demeanor more awkward
all resulting from the night you were a bandit
the night you stole me
stare at my picture and figure out who I am now
I certainly won't look at yours
Dec 6, 2015
Dec 6, 2015 at 5:02 AM UTC
My emotions crush me
and swallow me whole.
There is no rationalizing
in the belly of the whale.
I'm no mythic hero
I fear
that I was born
and will die in here.
Just let go
you're ******
give up.
Disintegrating
dissolved
tough luck.
Apr 3, 2012
Apr 3, 2012 at 3:27 PM UTC
Trying to push me far
but you roll right on back,
To where you were.
Distance is but a physical thing.
Space.
Only it's the,
Catching eyes when walking by.
Inhaling while standing close.
It's your mind
that has to be censored.
Craving.
Of thoughts and memories.
Creeping around and falling front row.
Inside your head.
You have my voices that drips
Like honey.
Through your quite moments and hurried days.
Notice.
Your mind is rationalizing.
Contemplating.
Wanting.
How could someone with no belief
Of love
Deal with a heart that won't quit?
That wants to be coddled and held.
Potentially.
Like magnets do
They always come back together.
Gravitating toward each other.
Needing to feed
Off the balance of being near.
What if one of those times
You pushed...
I just pulled
© NDHK
Dec 22, 2012
Dec 22, 2012 at 3:04 AM UTC
I should do something
i think
maybe the world will just end
and the clock just ran out
eventually
at least that way we could value time
value
so lost in this miserable space
infinite
black
chaos absolute madness
rationalizing is for the minds
it is cordial,
friendly,
but what then-
left to dwell here trapped
ensnared
mared by experience
to know makes it worse
then, you.
Feb 4, 2010
Feb 4, 2010 at 5:22 PM UTC
You've finally managed to make me believe you don't care as much as I thought you did
Yellin' when you get mad
Stompin' around the house
"Maybe I shouldn't care" rolls off your tongue
The statement that engraved a scar on top of my shattered heart
I may be fourteen but I still have feelings
you sit and sip your coffee as I look into your sad eyes
Ever since she left 4 months before, you've changed
Rationalizing yourself everyday stating you're over her and have moved on
I believe it, but do you?
Love drunk for the last 22 years, I can tell when you speak of her
you're words tumble and roar yet you never speak ill of her.
I've been reading your ****** expressions you can't tell me I don't know what you're feeling
when you're face is pretty much a buffet of emotion.
I'm sorry, that you're my father and I love you so much it hurts
I'm sorry I yell back but thats only because I'm short tempered
I'm sorry that I have anger issues and I say things I don't mean
I'm sorry you have to deal with me everyday
I'm sorry I'm moving with her,
I'm sorry that you can't be happy
I'm sorry I can't fix it.
I'm sorry.
Jan 21, 2014
Jan 21, 2014 at 11:37 AM UTC