"exquise" poems
you are an exquisite pain,
an acquired taste for tears.
to love you and to leave unscathed
is like running through the summer forrest
and trying not to be torn by the thistles.
my flesh split to pieces
yet there is more blood to give
and wolves are howling in the distance,
they won’t give up.
the agony, the ache
of the almost that is ‘us’.
to graze something so wonderful
but in the end, fall short.
to love you is to give you my all
and have you still ask for more.
to drain the light from my eyes,
chasing until vanished
and I am left here, in the dark
with no way out.
Aug 16, 2016
Aug 16, 2016 at 12:46 PM UTC
So she settled for something as simple as a hug.
For even if it could not be,
All she ever wanted was to get close to his heart.
And she knew that it was the nearest she could get.
It was the good nights and good mornings,
The good byes and hellos,
And the silent stares and smiles of what cannot be
That made things still seem so perfect.
Oct 18, 2018
Oct 18, 2018 at 4:33 AM UTC
It burns me up inside
How together you appear to be
I know my own temperament
It’s magmatic, though its not what you see
Like a scorpion, it stings me bitter
The poison spreads into my eyes, trachea
Like a starfish surviving on the shore,
I deny my slow death and call upon my inner mafia
I fight myself away from the border
Right by there, I see you cope
A concentration chamber, my mind has become
I burn like paper, letting my ashes elope
With the itsy bits of rubble remaining
Somehow I awaken, with a brush and pan
I kneel and scrape, dust and cleanse
To become a phoenix and rise from my death again.
Mar 17, 2016
Mar 17, 2016 at 2:45 PM UTC
Fred occupies his chair, innocently enough.
Occupying his time by
Solving the crossword puzzle, racking his brain
for the answers.
So all of the letters fit together.
So every space is filled. The beauty of solved Enigmas.
Ten across. Opposite of faithfulness.
The fire consumes the logs. Contained Chaos.
The room is illuminated in frantic light
Emanating from the fireplace.
Flames prevented from yielding to their Natural
Yearning to Disseminate to whatever matter
Will accept them. Fred sits on his chair,
Innocently enough,
But if you look in those
Eyes of his, you will witness the Beauty of
Pain, la Douleur exquise d'amour.
Loving Someone he will, invariably, love and forgive.
A woman
Whose love has changed patterns. Changed
Directions. Altered. There is a string
That hitches his heart to that of his infidel.
His wife. He feels foreign blood impairing
Them. He knows her. Without her telling
Him anything, he knows the Lies in those
Eyes of her. Confirming his knowledge.
Ten across. Infidelity. Means unfaithful.
She walked in moments ago, sat on the
Usual chair in front of him. Fred’s
Heart aches now with the immensity of the
Heartache within his wife.
He feels her heart has been broken
By the same man who usurped her from
Him every Thursday. She would return
[not quite yet]
Home on those days, Disjointed, Distracted. He
Knew this was what Falling in
Love looked like. But today, his wife's
Heart feels different. Her Lover is
Absent from their blood. Fred no
Longer is
Obligated to pump the blood of his
Wife’s flame throughout his own body.
and yet, he feels sorry for her.
feels her suffering.
feels her pain more than his own.
He watches her face, the Sorrow in
Her eyes drinks the flames of the
Fire. Fred can tell she wishes she were
In the flames. Better yet, the
Blaze itself, free from her despondency,
The places her mind must be traveling to.
Fred is fully aware that she is contemplating
Unloading her triste to him. Not for
His own Benefit, to be Honest with him.
Only to assuage her Guilt, to
empty her conscience of
Bad Blood.
She is a sinner. She will sin
Again. No doubt about that. But.
His Infidel.
He cannot stand to see her...
His love...his life...
If someone is spread out before you
Seeking to surrender to Death,
You do not Simply let them die.
Especially if they share half your blood.
Especially if your Happiness is
Contingent upon their survival.
Fred’s wife has a ghostly look on her
Face and he cannot help but save her from
Her caustic thoughts, from the
Consuming pain in her very
Core.
and so he guides
her back to him.
just her wide eyes.
he knows all.
And He forgives her.
Dec 10, 2012
Dec 10, 2012 at 12:50 AM UTC
Our love can not exist.
Echo's final plight.
Ero's arrow askew.
Come find me beyond the
clouds.
I'll wait among the whispering
veils,
among the weeping
willows.
i wait for you at the breaking of
dawn.
May 16, 2014
May 16, 2014 at 1:09 PM UTC
the exquisite pain
when I see you holding her
I’ll stay here
because you keep me sane
a.v.
Sep 25, 2015
Sep 25, 2015 at 7:42 AM UTC
This is a recurring dream,
it slips into my veins
on the best and worst nights
warm and vibrating
lik blue jazz:
I am sitting in a tunnel, huddled
scared and staring, open--
into the hazel eyes of Sarah
the wandering angel of San Jose,
the cool Sunflower in my brain
as Peter Sarstedt fills
the blue-bricked walls
with, "Where do you go to,
My Lovely?"
Shaking my teeth
and ribs
like old blank dice,
lovely accordion sobs-
What vibrations!
Echoes and blue memories running into the dark.
I hear you Peter, She hears you
I must tell you that--
and when I wake
all that's left are the echoes
of my accordion heart
and the sounds of traffic
over the plucking
of red chords in street.
Mar 21, 2013
Mar 21, 2013 at 10:25 PM UTC
Inherent disregard to my own scars
drain this chalice of my inebriated blood
akin to the taste of cyanide, cascading down your tongue
a sacrilegious demon may not be evil
my church is but of rotting wood and bone
my fragile prayers are not enough to hear
no, not enough to hear such a far away thought
reverberating in my head the battle rages
never ending echo, forever, la douleur exquise
Jan 5, 2014
Jan 5, 2014 at 5:47 PM UTC
This is about the state of heart,
Like when I feel Koi No Yokan and I just know that this is real.
Perhaps it will last this time?
In the past, I have experienced nothing but Saudade and La Douleur Exquise.
Unrequited love? That doesn't even get to the heart of it.
Every time I see him, it's as if I'm experiencing Retrouvailles all over again.
Finally, I, the Ilunga, gave up, but something about this time
Makes me incredibly willing
To let pain through my doors again.
Is it love?
Is it lust?
All I really want is for a Cafuné
And butterflies from our Mamihlapinatapei when I desperately want to kiss him.
Maybe it was a Yuanfen
Or God's intervention.
Maybe one day I will tell him, "Ya'aburnee"
Or perhaps one day he will tell that to me.
All I really know, is that this euphoria is explained through one simple word:
Forelsket.
Jun 28, 2013
Jun 28, 2013 at 3:17 PM UTC
When I first saw you
Your eyes were dark but so inviting
I can’t stop staring at them
everything you do, for me, is perfect
Every time our eyes meet
It feels like you’re looking into my soul
I’m melting inside and whenever i'm with you
it seems time is ticking slowly
Perhaps I know some of your flaws,
I accepted it, I will accept it even if
your flaws are worst because
I love you
You are my world
I want you, I need you, but,
I thought I can be with you
Why can’t I have you?
All I can see is you, all I know is you.
I love you, as if
There is no any other person exist.
Why does it hurt me so?
Ha! Being together is like a pie in the sky…
Can’t we just be together??
La douleur exquise
Such a painful feeling kills me so much.
No matter what I do
I... I can never have your heart.
Dec 19, 2012
Dec 19, 2012 at 2:50 PM UTC
This heart has memories
This heart had once beat along the melody of love
Somehow sorrow's web is still alive
The spiders met the butterflies
It was long ago, but the memory of this heart
won't let it go
How this heart wishes to be free
how this heart waits for a hero
how this heart longs for peace
Peace, all this heart wants now
Peace is what this heart needs to be free
There are no letters on the bed
No letters like the ones in the dream,
From the one who saved this heart
How it ails this heart
that the hero became villain
Did this heart create this villain?
Peace calls this heart to love the enemy
This heart longs for peace.
This heart longs for love.
But this heart is still lost.
Nov 13, 2012
Nov 13, 2012 at 9:50 PM UTC
She drives up to the old building like she has done every other day for several months.
Turns off the ignition and steps out of the vehicle
As she walks through the automatic doors she wonders at the contrast between modern conveniences and old world antique décor
The building is well over a hundred years of age
And it smells of it
It also smells of paper, tape, business, hopes, dreams, and even devastation
Yes, much passes through this building
She continues on and turns into the first corridor and walks to the very end.
She takes out the key and it feels hard and smooth in her hand
Much like the marble upon which she is standing
She stares at the box her breathing quickening
She inserts the key and twists, thinking to herself that hope is waiting with that little door ajar
But as it turns out hope is just an open wound
Sighing, another little piece of her essence again slowly ebbs out and goes to that place in the building that collects such things
It is what keeps the building strong after all these years
It is what it feeds on
It has been dining on her for months now
Soon there will be naught left of her to consume
She closes her eyes and secures the door, putting the key back into her pocket
Over time disappointment has been slowly becoming the scabs and scars that cover her
Also poisoning her blood
However despair, despair is the antidote
It has her returning every other day, week after week, month after month
As she exits she smells a faint hint of decay and hears a whisper emanate from the building
Softly it says, “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here, If you have already abandoned hope, please disregard this notice.”
Ah…but she is already aware that there is no hope, no escape from the never ending torment
But that is ok, she thinks, she likes it here. ~M
Apr 8, 2013
Apr 8, 2013 at 7:57 PM UTC
Forelsket
Hurts like a *****
It's la Douleur Exquise
Wishing I'd never known
Koi No Yokan
Apr 25, 2013
Apr 25, 2013 at 1:02 AM UTC
Je déteste que je t'aime
Mon chère, mon nightmare
I wish I didn't.
Je voudrais que tu oublier
Ce que tu as pensé
And I want you to look at me for what I am,
nervous,
et pour ce que j'aurai
la douleur exquise.
Pardonnez-moi mon amie,
In fact close your eyes, block your ears
I don't want you to hear parce que
L'autre soir, je ne plaisantais pas
quand j'ai dit que je veux vous tenir
ce soir,
chaque soir,
and if you'd like to, you can be la grande cuillère.
You can pick it all up like the weight of words on your chest,
you can put it all down in the morning.
étais-je mets ici, tout près de toi
pour une raison?
We're speaking in codes,
Do you know that your name looks comme une œuvre d'art
I want to paint it up my ribs and on the inside of my cheek
et je veux le dit pour tous.
De rire avec vous.
De prendre tes cheveux dans mes deux mains et remercier quelqu'un, anyone
for this.
It's only une rêve.
Mais après les blagues et l'anormalité de nos vies
Tout ce que je veux dans ce monde maintenant,
est d'embrasser vos lèvres,
et dire
You are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.
Jan 6, 2014
Jan 6, 2014 at 10:14 PM UTC
I hate French.
The way the letters roll.
And the purring of the sounds,
As they touch my ears.
How there is a word,
For things that cannot be explained.
My feelings put in words,
I cannot comprehend.
Staring,
Blankly at this new meaning,
Of this new emotion.
Feeling more vague,
And slightly confused,
As the purity of it,
Suddenly feels lost,
missing,
In stupid French.
Oct 24, 2012
Oct 24, 2012 at 8:54 PM UTC
Mon bourgeon, ma fleur,
Mon élan, ma douceur,
Mon lever du jour, ma rivière,
Mes alentours,
Des baisers volants en métamorphoses,
J'ai élu domicile à l'Ombre de tes cils.
Mon ciel, mon étoile,
Ma douce brise,
Mon sourire sans égal,
Ma langue exquise,
Mon baton de muscade,
Mon horizon en promenade,
Mon parfum des tropiques,
Mon chant, ma musique,
Mes amours se distillent à l'Ombre de tes cils.
Mon Dahlia bleu, mon Dahlia noir,
Ma citerne, mon encensoir,
Ma forêt, mon miel,
Ma cascade déversant le ciel,
Mon refuge,
Mon exil, sont à l'Ombre de tes cils,
C'est là que je repose,
Au son de ton souffle, aux accents de roses,
Le vent qui expire sur ma peau,
Je respire l'Ombre de tes cils.
Apr 4, 2019
Apr 4, 2019 at 8:21 PM UTC
How did it happen?
I didn't even like you at first,
and now you're the first thing I think of when I wake up,
if I wasn't already dreaming of you while I slept.
When I look into your eyes I feel short of breath.
I want you the way suicidals want death.
But I cannot have you, and I resent the fact
that you somehow stole my heart and now won't give it back.
And yet, if I had you I know I wouldn't want you anymore.
I'd come to loathe you in the way that a child hates chores.
But you've melded to my mind;
you're burned into my brain.
I want you the way that a moth wants the flame.
It's a paradoxical ache.
A feeling so strange.
In the English language it doesn't even have a name,
but I believe this is what the french refer to as
the exquisite pain.
Apr 8, 2014
Apr 8, 2014 at 6:32 PM UTC
Have you ever met someone
and in the same instant
that your eyes glazed over with the sight of perfection
and your heart melts with desire
you just know it never can and never will be true
La douleur exquise, la douleur exquise.
I unconsciously chose to ignore the idea of impossible
but I need reality to crush that
Otherwise,
I'll be stuck in paradise for one day too many
In the meantime
You seem to be the only one I would ever want
And the only one I can never have
Jan 2, 2015
Jan 2, 2015 at 9:50 PM UTC
Esoteria, this marble body wrought of burden
Of the Halcyon days, breathéd in these coarser ways
I peer rapture ‘pon the retina at what you sought
And won to capture.
I see my kind and its soul in artful craft and oil
Marvel at an author’s hand the suffuse horror
Beauty demands. How fickle the smoke of
Inspiration. My torture scratched half on leaf
Come as these came, fleeing we for it Eden
Burned and pacified this trembling hand needn’t pacify
The true desire of my own a prize for heart
‘gainst, I know the pillar lone.
So ebb and flow melancholia go, ‘twas that despair
Walked hand-in-hand down the ****** gates, no worse
For wear, that belle danseuse undone and bare
Morose lines drawn away in the scope of stare.
My future was so painted thus, these seconds were
A stronger pulse, no stranger to my wicked book
But I know difference; set I to find the charm and
Awe her radiance inspired.
Lo, it was not painting nor poetics, but the hand
Sleepy eyes, such confound this tongue and scene
Pathetic—this waylayer of my woe escaped
With the point of her toe, blind to things as I and drapes.
More joyous I couldn’t be, before aesthetics
As such let be and seeking to seek her out
As fiction demands content, I stay devout
Between pillar lone and the crashing wave of dreams
Come pouring forth. Shall I mar this angel,
Crestfallen, who, nay, suffers for awe?
Yes, I must for fear of my echo’s mate so cherished
Is fate for beauty so raw in moment’s time I’ll speak of love.
Her gaze is passed from room to wall as a spectre,
I, unseen and all, reach out, frozen as David to
Frustrate a period in done, unfinished verse
Still climbing, but to now a leveled curse.
‘T’is fitting a hand as mine would rightly ruin
No eye, nor brain, nor mouth a cage, my hex
An artist seeks Elysium so truth to coincide—
I’m vexed—as love and word step from my life
In tow, they from the page.
Perhaps even these can’t sustain the ecstacies
Ecstacies of the unlovely as I at portrait’s gaze
Stand and profane a sacred she or there,
Genius in the gallery still prey for Esoteria.
Sep 18, 2014
Sep 18, 2014 at 12:50 AM UTC
Le Démon, dans ma chambre haute,
Ce matin est venu me voir,
Et, tâchant à me prendre en faute,
Me dit : " Je voudrais bien savoir,
Parmi toutes les belles choses
Dont est fait son enchantement,
Parmi les objets noirs ou roses
Qui composent son corps charmant,
Quel est le plus doux. " - Ô mon âme !
Tu répondis à l'Abhorré :
" Puisqu'en Elle tout est dictame,
Rien ne peut être préféré.
Lorsque tout me ravit, j'ignore
Si quelque chose me séduit.
Elle éblouit comme l'Aurore
Et console comme la Nuit ;
Et l'harmonie est trop exquise,
Qui gouverne tout son beau corps,
Pour que l'impuissante analyse
En note les nombreux accords.
Ô métamorphose mystique
De tous mes sens fondus en un !
Son haleine fait la musique,
Comme sa voix fait le parfum ! "
832
Dans la feuillée, écrin vert taché d'or,
Dans la feuillée incertaine et fleurie
De fleurs splendides où le baiser dort,
Vif et crevant l'exquise broderie,
Un faune effaré montre ses deux yeux
Et mord les fleurs rouges de ses dents blanches.
Brunie et sanglante ainsi qu'un vin vieux,
Sa lèvre éclate en rires sous les branches.
Et quand il a fui - tel qu'un écureuil -
Son rire tremble encore à chaque feuille,
Et l'on voit épeuré par un bouvreuil
Le Baiser d'or du Bois, qui se recueille.
726
I won't leave now
I'll cry when it's a mess
I'll keep on pretending
I'm a *********
I guess
To the pain of my own life
I can see how this ends
It ends with you walking,
Me crying
Of course you won't change
You never have
I never could
But I'll be wallowing
With the tears,
I'm swallowing
And in a way I'll be happy
With the way
This was meant to be
Jul 8, 2011
Jul 8, 2011 at 8:08 PM UTC
I can't find one imperfection when I'm looking at you.
From the sound of your laugh,
To the gap between your teeth.
The way your smile makes me feel,
As if there's no one else for me but you.
I can't perceive any flaws in who you are.
In my eyes,
I don't see any reason for your insecurities.
Your mind is beautiful,
Just like your deep brown eyes.
I can't see how anyone could break your heart.
The way you care so much,
Even when the feeling isn't reciprocated.
So much emotion in your heart,
Begging to be set free.
I can't imagine how breathtaking it feels,
To be held by you.
To inspire your mind,
And capture your love.
Breaking the chains from your heart,
Keeping it safe in my arms,
I can't believe in these feelings,
Because my hearts been aching,
And it's all because of you.
Feb 11, 2016
Feb 11, 2016 at 6:07 PM UTC
your eyes are two
vast fields of green that
intoxicate my psyche
with sweet nicotine,
sending shivers down
my nimble fingertips,
your pale lips adhere
to your dying cigarette,
while your smoldering
gaze intently traces every
inch of my silhouette,
yearning to disrupt the
lingering silence with
words that are never met,
your love is susceptible
and cannot be professed,
but the shy smile you
flashed before our lips
pressed and hands that
tangled in my hair like
a broken cassette, was
enough to put my heart
to rest, your enchanting
green orbs would eclipse
what was coming next,
tear stained cheeks and
eyes filled with regret,
you left me alone to
deal with all this mess,
but i still miss you
every tuesday when
your absence sends
an agonizing ache
through my chest
Feb 19, 2015
Feb 19, 2015 at 4:32 AM UTC