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Julie Grace Nov 2018
hands grip, tug leaving unseen marks
fingers crawl, creep under skin
lips heavy, move deep in and out
it’s sensual, snake wrapping around prey
i move with complacency
i came here for this
cold, empty self destruction
“i want this, i want him, i want—”

no one taught me the word no
i learned it on my own too late
after it had been stripped from me
my voice sniffed out before i could scream
no one asked me what i wanted
or if i wanted anything

*** is violent

careful lips and careful caresses
paper thin like one of us will break
i don’t want it here
where my heart trills at every brush
where my feet feel grounded
where i know i fall into safe hands
my mind doesn’t want or wander
my feelings never waiver
but my body wonders
if there is a touch it is meant to know
Julie Grace Nov 2018
When our lips first met,
The fragile sky did not collapse
The vast heavens did not open up
The resting birds did not awake to sing
There were no momentous shifts
Of the earth between our feet.
The world did not change in an instant
To memorialize the moment.
When your lips met mine,
I could feel your warmth in my heart
I told myself that I could do this forever
With you— just you.
And I was surprised by the permanence
Which I wanted to create together,
Like the ink on my skin but deep in my bones.
When my lips met yours.
Julie Grace Nov 2018
the sky like fragile glass
breaking when i
i grasp and claw
a hand on the corner
when it all comes
Julie Grace Jul 2018
Today someone asked
‘Did she love you’.
Because my love for her was stolen
A brush of hands, of fingers tangled together but always in the dark
A press of lips to her collarbones, her cheeks, her neck but never her lips
It was bruised shoulders and bruised egos,
Lost declarations and lost promises.
It was the words I whispered in her ear while my hands danced across her ribs
Or the words requested in the deep of the night when sleep was to far and nightmares not far enough.
It was second glances and curious friends
And stretches of silence and hushed arguments in the vacant corners of rooms.
She stole my “I love you"s and stitched them into her skin like armor.
And then she wore her armor to kiss other girls in the dark and to press promises into their skin,
To hold them the way I held her,
To love them the way I thought I’d loved her.
I thought I could protect myself from the pain,
But when I looked, I’d found that I’d given all my armor away.
Today someone asked
‘Did she love you’
Julie Grace Jul 2018
You said you couldn’t love me
Because eventually, I would leave you
Or people would come between us
And force us apart.
But I guess you had to know that in the end
Your cold indifference pushed me away
Julie Grace Jul 2018
I wondered if I could be enough for you
If I could whisper love into the fractures
Of yourself you hid away
If I could hand you bits and pieces
So you could rebuild anew.
But the foundation you rebuilt,
Was made of pieces you took
Until I was no longer enough
For both you and me.
Julie Grace Jul 2018
I always thought when I left
I’d be leaving you behind
I’d be leaving us behind and moving on
Without you by my side.
And you’d resigned yourself to that
I think.
You said I was destined for great things:
To see great things
To do great things
To be a great thing.
I thought we were a great thing.
So maybe that’s why you left
Before I could ever say goodbye.
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