He de-seeded himself into three pieces and proceeded to grow a tree of decieving, you see.
One seed of the tree was greed, so all it would breed was to feed our needs.
Once we used up all its weeds we decided to dig deep to see what this tree was hiding.
There it was, all along infront of our eyelids.
The roots of this tree grew in all directions endlessly.
How could this be?
One seed for greed, one seed for achieving infinity..?
And for the third, I (eye) tried to see through the mystery of the last seed I collected all the ingredients to cook up the last grand meal.
Stirring it I caught a quick wiff of its essence and for a mere second I felt free, I acknowledged the knowledge of being me.
My brain was introduced to DMT and I also knew the signifigance of the truth, now I knew what I had to do.
Convinced of the truth but I still follow all your rules, im not insane I wouldnt go blow up a school but I swear, latley my brain been telling me, only options I have is to accept my destiny or change it by a killing spree.
I know you are testing me but how am I supposed to enjoy this beautiful scenery if I cant even get this stress of my chest so I can rest again peacefully.
I knew I owe my soul to this tree for the knowledge its giving me.
I try to hold on to my memories but as its leaves they fall eventually...
It kills me everyday, living, knowing its not for me.. not for me...

Through my life you've been there . . . now there's empty space.
When I needed a hug,
                                     hurt myself,
                                                        or needed protection . . .
You were who I went to.
With your words I made it through battles;
                I believed in myself.

Through the years I grew up and you were always constant.
But through the years as I grew you became secluded.
You found a women who seemed so fair, but looks can be decieving;
               Now this women has taken my place and my words mean nothing.
You're no longer there when I need a hug,
                                            if I should hurt myself,
                                                              and too protect me . . .
You've broken promises;
                Like to be there for prom and graduation.

Now I'm hurt with operation in a few hours.
And this women that seemed so fair keeps you away from me.
I'm getting cut open . . .
                                           . . . and you're going to be missing . . .

Sagaciously gloaming melanite eyes
Resonating euphoniously ululated memories;
The shadow land of illusion
Rising out of the ash of an acorn
Wallowing in the blood of wars strident refuge,
Gnomic relics errant of an
Enigmatic almondine heart
Offering an olive branch upon an
Altar made of oak.
A ruminantly nostalgic requiem
Sedititiously traversing the firmament;
Ineluctable reprobation
Ineffably manifested,
The doves of meta-morphosis
Embracing the silk garments of love;
Sound minds cacophany
Devouring the delusional devout
Veridically inspiring ascendancy
Decieving serenities whisper throughout
The dominions audaciously
Rousing ambivalent fears.



ELEETE J MUIR.

We're stuck within these bodies that we're dying to change
We are ashamed because we want to be different

Modified.

We cannot escape being called by "her" or "him"
It may not seem like much, but titles matter,
As do appearances.

"I want to be this", I say
"But you're not that." Society barks

That.

We crave to be that,
The opposite of "who we are"
We're stuck, truley
We feel as if we can't escape this, containment,
This restriction,
This prohibition.

That defines us.

We didn't choose to be WHO we are,
We didn't get a choice to become WHAT we are.

I am a "he".
I am a "her".

We are confined to be one gender, "ourselves"

How can we be ourselves if our looks are so decieving?
Are we not judged by our outskirts?

I want to be "that", On the outside
I already am, on the inside

Though, I'm jammed,
Wedged,
Lodged,
Embedded,
Fixed.

We linger in these false corpses
They burn at our courage and tear at our hearts
They puncture and pierce and leave scars and bruises in our souls
Because we cannot run from ourselves.

When society is against us
We remain still
Immovable
What can we do if our skin is a lie?

I am a "he" on the inside, a "she" on the outside
I am a "she" on the inside, a "he" on the outside

I can't escape alone.

I think I'm trapped

Brains constantly devoured,
Forged as the unknown.
Intellect decieving creative diction
Pardon errors and revise.

The hours you spent
Absorbing anything but sleep,
Piles up to the layers
Of stars and air.

Stop being the person
You thought you were.
Brush off values you knew,
Learn to teach something old.

Tear ducts flood out
Sodium enhanced contracts,
That binded you to affliction
Yesterday, and all hours that remain.

It doesn't have to stop,
And it doesn't have to start.
Sit through the releasing
Of depressing minds.

Cope with the contract
That you desperately signed.
Let them hear you weep
And see your pathetic eyes.

Stars shine with hope,
You shine with sadness.
Thirsting for more oppertunities
That allow you to feel something.

Now that there is nothing left
To feel, and nothing left
To hate, forgetting them
Is chronologically ensuing.

If our poems are really
Our hearts in words
We just wrote onto the screen

Then why do we care
About the numbers
Our poetry makes

Unless we need to see
What others think
About what is ours alone

i feel so tired
there seems to be a lack of oxygen
have the demons all conspired
to make me their kin?
is it their whispers that sway my opinion?

i fight back the tears that my heart wants to release
i fight a battle of the mind, and all i want is peace
but it sickens me to think that i have this disease
so the medication seems to be working,
but the dosage is what they might have to increase

you don't know.
but thats quite alright.
it is mutual, and i don't think of you as my foe
please, i don't want to fight
i have the scars all over my body
that tell of past pain
and deep inside i know that i'm a druggie
use and abuse, just like any other ******

my heart feels as if it's sinking into an ocean
but inside i feel i have an inkling notion
that i have to fight this war
i have to survive through the bombs, and than even more
the swords pierce my flesh
i quickly wish that i was dead
but all of this, it's all just in my head

i keep going.
the words are continuously flowing.
and here i am, not even knowing--
what i am supposed to do next
when i feel as if i'm so terribly vexed
but to keep on keepin on is what is best
i don't even mind if i fail the test
we'll just have to find out whats left of the rest...

and i don't write these words for you to read
i write them because i feel the need
to let it out
before i turn into one of those demons;
to begin to scream and shout
for i do not want to hurt you
the way that i have been hurt
but even the most beautiful of flowers need the dirt

so i push my way up through the soil
all of the worlds gravity feels as if it's weighing me down
i am soon facing the hatred and turmoil
but i try not to frown
and i feel as if the smile is faux--
like the ones on a clown
painted up to decieve thee
all to make you think i am happy
and i am.
i am.

i am only human.
i am, and was born into sin.
i am no where near perfect.
i am an addict.
i am kirsten.
i am an enemy, but i want to be a friend.
i am bipolar.
i am living on the border.
i am faced with trials and tribulations.
i am prescribed numerous medications.
i am happy.
i am sad.
i am the words you are reading.
i am the smile thats so easily decieving.
i am the epitome of me;
does that have a meaning?

now the tug of war seems to be misleading
i am swaying from side to side
while others see my pain, i see them grieving.
but my emotions are what i try to hide.
i don't want to have to see them leaving;
i feel so alone inside.

i have a pain only i can feel,
and no, i do not want you to understand.
and no, i do not want you to walk in my shoes.
but won't you please take my hand?
help me forget all the past abuse...

Looking at these fancy pictures
Wondering what it's like
To be on the other side.

Taking this step
Is just not enough.
Looking out into the night
Wondering what it takes
To feel alive.

Everyday it's the same thing
Pick it up and go.
Not thinking twice about
What it is that's being me down.
I run to the place.

Welcome to the kingdom.
No one dares to make it past
Our gates.
Golden thrones,
Silver swords...
We got it all.

And I say,
Welcome to the kingdom.

This bloodshed is long lived.
Ready for the fight,
Because we got something better than
Cold lies.

We got it good in this palace.
Decieving eyes,
Wild minds,
Steel built hearts,
Undefeated and strong.

Even when the darkness
Demands a war.
We smile,
There's nothing to wait for.
Not thinking twice about what it is
That can stop us now.
We run.

Here in the kingdom,
We bring them down.
Fire to ashes.
Here in the kingdon,
We bring them down.
Snow to ashes.

Welcome to the kingdom.

im just so addicted, I keep trying to get out, but I always fall to temptation and that quick high. I always talk myself into that dark situation, it's so deceiving, it looks so good but it just makes life hurt more. It leaves me stuck in a muck, I need some help, before I get lost in my deadly desires. I need a savior, who will help me get out, before I end it all. Why do I do this to myself, why do I long for something that harm's me. Why do I always feel depressed, this guilt keeps weighting on me, I need to get out of this mess.

Thought the professionals knew best?
I tell you I hate life,
That all I want is too escape
But all you do is send me away,
Tell me I'm fine and that I should just smile.
I thought you professionals knew best?

Thought that friends were there to support you?
I tell you I'm down and that I'm done
But you push me away
And ignore my cries for help.
You tell me I'll be okay when you don't have a clue.
I thought friends were supposed to support you?

Thought that parents were supposed to care?
I say I feel hopeless and like I've failed you
But you ignore my plea
And tell me I'm being stupid.
You say I don't know what you've done for me
And that I need to stop being so selfish...
I though parents were supposed to care for you?

I thought that professionals could help you out?
Well I guess they can't because they can't see my cries for help!!
I thought that friends were there to support you?
Well I guess they don't understand that I can't do this on my own!!
I though that parents were supposed to give a ****?
Well I guess that they don't when all you do is cause trouble!!

A young boy, 7, and his sister, 10
Drowned today...so sad
At a time when young folks memories
should be the best they ever had
On a sunny summers day
Swimming out to far from shore
They are the newest of the lost
So far this summer, there's been 4
The lake is known as Erie
Known for not giving up it's dead
It's a small lake but decieving
It's a lake that sailors dread
An older sister was their lifeline
No lifeguards on this beach
One was dead while in the water
The other, almost out of reach
No graduation for these children
Weddings none, and children too
In Erie's depths their lifeforce lingers
The lake don't care a lick for you
the sand bar goes out quite a distance
Dropping off, it's cold and dark
The current there will **** you under
Like a shark attack without a mark
The next day the beach is open
Still no lifegurard on the shore
What will it take to have them down there
You have to ask, how many more?
Two souls were lost in Erie
A young boy 7, his sister , 10
A family torn asunder
This must not happen, not again

My melody lies in my Melanie and my Melanie has been lost
A casualty to this reality and love, sadly, the cost
And my Melanie will forever go as she came, with a smile
With me standing sighing, with insides crying and trying all the while

To find music in the world that's sorefully out of key
For the melody has been lost to me along with Melanie
The song is off and the musical canceled, the birds staring silent
All colors have seemed to have faded and I hear the unnatural quiet

And all I can find is I long for a melody
The world, decieving, has me believing that music has been lost to me
And I find Melanie may be gone to me, but she's not who I'm mourning
Overtures and scores all scream that the melody was the dream

The dream that happiness was two heart kisses away
That I could bring my passion for her as I do the melody in my day
So I have now the truth written on my brow and Melanie I no longer resent
Me being in the symphony of love without an instrument

But I will play once more...

I sit here and stare at the blank wall in the dark,
as my mind whirls with imagination.
I see shadows,
tricks of the mind,
people in the darkness.
I know they're not real,
but I feel as if I could touch them,
reach out and feel them brush against my fingers.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I tried.
Would I really feel someone there,
or would my fingers glide through the empty air to nothing?

cinderella looked out of a tiny window covered with steele bars. the sun brightly shining through, the sky a beautiful pinkish purple. she wondered if she would ever feel the warmth of the sunlight again as she touched the window. she looked down at what used to be a gorgeous blue gown, now tattered and toarn. she touched the fabric softly remembering how her eyes shined when she first saw it. & the struggle that ruined it. her eyes began to swell up with tears. ¨i cant take this much more¨ she thought. ¨i wont...¨ she decided, her sad eyes and broken heart now filled with rage and hostility. her shaking hands now clinched in fists. ¨i will be just as mad, limitless, and unhumane as he is. i will be decieving, cold and cruel. and i won't feel anything about it. ill treat him like a doormat instead of a person just like he treated me. the only difference will be that i will not allow him to live.¨

¨we will see who is dim witted.¨

If I told you that in the closet lived a whale
Would you say that was a lie or tale?

If you believed it
And afterwards
you feel naive then
It's a lie
because it was decieving

But if we both know it's not true
And I am amused
and so are you
Then we could call it a tale
And together fantasize
about the closet whale

so sometimes I'm just right,
cold, calculating and perceptive.
and sometimes I can't make it through the night,
policing my thoughts and perspective.

But tonight is a night of freedom and purity,
closing the doors to opression,
spilling inpure and conformist thoughts,
and avoiding resurrection.

smoking and snorting and popping and coughing,
breathing, decieving, and barely talking,
focused now.
never later.
still breathing this atmosphere of pure hatred.

can't see past my hands in this tomb,
alone i lay and quietly consume,
every last one of them.
I've let them all go.
the part time, doin time, ebb and flow of cold.

growing old.

when I finally outgrow this taste in my mouth,
i'll be able to breathe.
when she finally outgrows me maybe she'll leave.
never looking back, always forward,
never late.
she quietly escapes the debate of our fate.
never look back kid,
cause your soul might turn blue,
tied tight with saran wrap wrappers,
duct tape and glue.

He didn't live in darkness
It was the light he couldn't bear
Illuminating the futility
Exposing the reality
A world full of selfish people
A trait of the species
Darkness would have been his friend
To hide the truth he could not deny
Obfuscate lust, greed and pride
Survival of the fittest, hey that's alright
Instead he proclaimed humanity's state
Without the hope of even temporary escape
Grim as the Reaper knocking at your door

A car crash aftermath
You can't help but slow down
Turn to see what's there to see
But not for long
The guy in front of you slowed down too
(We've all the same hard wired brain)
Lest you find more than you thought
Not turn back in time
And rear end the other guy

He found ways to sing of loneliness
Despair given a melody
Between the look in his eyes and
The tremble in his voice
He could sell it to a poor man
He was no faker
As real as the sun
That will burn out the eyes of the one
Who gazes too long
At it's blazing light
From light years away
Giving decieving darkness
For the moments you bask in it's glow

The burden was too much for his skinny back
More than the weight of many worlds
He fell beneath his own weight
To him the logical response
But not to me
And not to you
Regardless the empathy and solidarity
How he seemed to have read our mind
Known our story, all our years to now
But he never knew the ending
How I wish it would have been his too
ESCAPE
From the blinding darkness and the piercing light
My third eye has been blind
Open it,  Lord
Show me the reason
And I will sing your song

I've hidden behind so many "I'm okay"s.
The decieving happiness has become second nature.
My fake smiles and pretend laughs have become easier than the **** down the street.

"How are you?"
Don't hesitate.
Smile.
Sound peppy.
Sound happy.
"Good!"
Was that too peppy?
Too forced?
No one cares enough to notice anyway.
"Are you okay?"
Look confused.
Look surprised they're even asking.
Smile.
Let it roll off your tongue like it has so many times before.
"Of course."
Don't cry.
Dont cry God ******.
"What have you eaten today?"
Think of foods.
Think of foods fast.
Blurt out the first words that come to mind like you're on a gameshow and you're about to win first prize if you can just tell them what you had for dinner.
It all becomes second nature;
After so long of wearing masks
You forget how to wear your real face.
You don't know what's under the mask
You don't remember.
"Don't let them in,
Don't let them see"
Good thing I don't remember how to.
I've painted this smile on my face day after day
I don't know if the paint will come off anymore.

Often times I cant discern,
Whether I want it or need it,
And all those times, bring concern
Because I know love is what I'm seeing

Though I do not know,
The feelings that I own,
And if what I feel
May truly be decieving

Platonic? Could be.
Romantic? Just maybe.
And for some reason.
My feelings change just like the season

Give me something
Something to put my mind at ease
Like an answer with out a question
Maybe heavens last breath
Yes! I have days in my head when the music stops
My mind conjures up ancient ceremonies
Where forbidden fruits were eaten
Where a thousand rusty daggers were left to sink into my soul
The roar of my pain and guilt makes me relive those dark moments
I thought I graduated from a dungeon of madness
But it seems as though those thoughts will never leave
My mind drags me by the same feet that took me to all those places.
And now my future seems decieving
With everyday I get I just want to run away from my mind.
Its a deep dark place filled with horror to the brim and a past colored.  50 shades of black
Yes... That's my mind.

Why do you play these games?
What are you getting from my pain
Do you understand that i'm hurt?
I stare into your eyes with the most intensity I can give
But still I do not think you are true
How can you a beautiful man with so much glory
Want me?
But you don't, do you?
Even when you say you do how come I cannot believe?
I feel you are decieving me leading me down this road
Only to find the theres nothing but a dead end
Please show me with your hands
And I will follow your heart
Your words mean nothing now
Though making me blush is your strength
I've built this armor, hiding my weaknesses
You may be just as confused as me you see?
I cannot understand these games we play
Therefore I will play no more
Where you want me I will be
Unless there is someone else
You see I do not share when it comes to love
I am quite selfish actually
I want you all to myself
But are you willing to do this
or will you let these feelings gather to dust
and sit on a shelf
Please help me understand

I must be a stairway
The way I get stepped on
I must be a nightmare
The way I get slept on
I must be a ****
Cause all I got is *****
Life must be a maze the ways
I bump my back into walls
I must be a toilet cause
I'm constantly **** on
I must be repulsive rejected
Whoever I hit on
Must be a ****** as I'm spit on
Must be a door cause they push me
U r wut u eat and on good Friday
I always eat *****
Cause I love chicken *****
At Chinese food spots
I must. Be a target like a sponsor
For target the way they take shots
I must be in pain the way
I take pain killers So
I hope the pain stained is detained
And not refrain from slow
Pain removal and it soon'll
Tell by time but I'm weary
Mirrors seem to fear me
Homeless people are less. Needy
They don't. Need me I'm
Depressing and it stinks my clothes
I must have aids cause I can't even
Get laid by hoes
I must just be gross
Net pay and gross shows. Nothing
And I must. Be associated with
It as I'm nothing unless I'm something
Along the lines of an
******* or a *****
Or so I'm told by people cold
And wish I'd die but I did
Die because I seem to be a
Ghost to most I know
Only call me when there problems
Are so ****** up they know
No matter how ****** up there
Situation. Is that I've seen worse
Which is insulting and flattering
All in the same verse
I must have a curse
Like Toronto maple leafs
Who coulda had a cup by.now
But the phat cats are cheap
But stupid are we not them
Because there's no sense
In investing in a roster if merchandise
And seats commence
To sell and they do always
From loyal die hard fans
Who they rob of bein part of a
Contender team but the stands
Are full I guess losings just
A pass time now
But I'm so off track where was
I, **** I forget now
I believe I was ******* in my
Own special way
And I always get ****** cause I'm an
*** so I guess I'm gay
I must be a runaway
Cause I don't got a home
I can go back to, am I a dog
Cause in my pants is a bone
I must be a **** pad
Cause my wings don't help fly
I guess I'm not a big girl
Cause big girls dont cry
I must be a fat *** cause my
Fat has a fat mass
Equivalent to precious eaten
By fat joe and thats
Not the type of mass with
Stained glass and religion
Where an alter boys farts are
Never heard if u listened
In an amplifier I'm ampped on fire
But nobody sees it
So if I said president Obama
Had ****** diseases
No one would protest and say jesus
Christ that was wrong
What would Jesus do?
He would probably write a song
About his long slong his **** and
Very long hair
He'd. Never sleep with delilah
But still a cross he must bear
But I would never cross a bear
Are u aware jerusalems where
Darker skin toned people appear
So why is Jesus so fair
Well I don't really care
Not even sure why I asked
90% of the world is unattractive
Sounds harsh but do the math
Am I a long necked giraffe
Cause mom said I belong in a zoo
Which is appealing as the monkeys
Get to masterbated and throw poo
I have no hint let alone a clue,
Was. nEver quite clued in
Too busy angry collecting debt
Feeling disrespect and sins
I now and forever regret since
Ii grew up a little
Had to stop substituting ****** pills
For my bag full of skittles
So I must be a riddle
An enigma to ponder
I don't journey with destination
Only have patients to wander
So to be a doctors patient I
Saunter and walk into a walk in
Clinic so in it i mimic a ******* to
finish with a script for poppin
Perkecette oxycotton
Clonasapan diasapan even
So my back pain I make so real
It starts to hurt as I'm leavin
But giving. doctors are decieving
So deceiving them does not
Pin guilt aide it wilts knowing
The real drug dealers the doc
Sending people who got
Addiction problems to phone
A Clinic to start u a new dependency
Called methadone
So leave the **** alone, such
A mess and known
If ur not an ignorant clone
That can't see on there own
It's the same drug dealer
Just a different drug
So how does **** for oxy heads
Really help them its rough
I must be a mute cause all
My opinions arnt heard
And I protect my pocket with no
Pocket protecter so am I a nerd
I must be a bad ****** word
Cause whenever I am. Brought up
Eyes go wide as if I am a bad
Influence like I'm hopped up
On morphine and more fiends
Are. Created each day
As doctors seem to just
Wanna give there drugs away
Well I'm done for the day
That's enough complaints for me
And if u didn't like it call 1800
I don't give a **** and Plz
Remember if it's busy just hang
up and try ur Call  again
Cause I always look forward
To being **** on for when
I use the freedom of speech
Giving to me as a right
So those opposed your all *****
So that means I must. Be a ****
*** yikes ewww a **** yuck
Get it away
So what I say I had to say Plz don't play
With what lay in my spray
Of opions in the way I say
What I say when I say it
If u hate me I'm still on ur mind
And worth hating so go ahead hate it
Poetic dues I payed it
Roads I pave it so those
Who chose to be a voice for
His beliefs always knows
There way but in dismay
I may not pray for others
Cause they may see a dead end
Even though they are covered
And smothered in talent
But if never discovered ur covered
Lucky if Facebook will even read
Let alone brothers and mothers
Cause to hypnotize the others
Selling out lurks in the way
And wut defines selling out is such
An area of grey
So goodbye again I'll say
I'm on my way out and gone
Not even a penny for my thoughts
And it's so sad a penny's beyond
What most would pay
As they say I'm just one of alot
But I maybe a snowflake looking
The same but actually I am not

My eyes, they can't believe
what they see
My ears, choke on
what they hear
My eyes and ears,
must be decieving me
because now in my heart,
I'm slowing dying
the slow poison of the world,
taking a drag on my soul
My mind, it slowly erodes
on all your venom, I choke
it's surrounding me, like the dark waters
it's drowning me
oh, my heart refuses to believe
what we see

When your heart skips a beat underneath the covers
And you love how it feels to have comfort with someone
When your spine feels a chill just because your touching
And you leave in the morning, all crooked and blushing
It might be what you think or it could be decieving
But you have to take a leap of faith and start believing

horizon hazing
incinerating skies
migrating clouds
and greatness, lingering

heated breeze sweeps my tendrils
translucent shimmerings and stardust

and footprints, your footprints
don't follow them, your mind is decieving you
don't turn back, they are out to get you
here, there and everywhere

honey land lies **** before me
catch me when i fall
let me rise in love
you, electric, wild, soaring soul

under my skin, evaporating fear
honey glow from within
how I ever, came to be
like this, falling and rising

breeze, let me in
let me try to match your pace
grasping onto you
my faith

here, there and everywhere
zealous ice fire eyes
softly scorching
the honey land before me

a kiss of empires
of auras,
let my soul mingle with yours
like the sun does with the moon

together, and separate,
here, there and far away,
honey land lays **** before me,
let me rise

I took off my party dress.
And wiped my lipstick clean.
My cheeks were stained with oil pens,
and my knees were bent and unseen.

I found fault in my lashes,
as I took off my silly facade.
I took pride in all of my ashes,
but swallowed my fear once I pushed them aside.

My knuckles were scarred with pin holes,
and my stomach was lined with regret.
My eyes were masked with the misery,
and the feeling was one I couldn't forget.

My heels were meant for decieving,
but my fingers were laced with the truth.
I couldn't capture the honesty,
so it fell from my wrists with a thud.

I cried when I heard the curtain,
shatter and show me on stage.
A wounded girl with no armor or metal,
just chiffon and an ugly bouquet.

Leave me to shackle my madness,
to the post at the foot of my bed.
Then forget the grey of my skin,
and make it as if I had never been.

I lost all my silver in ruins,
then lost my sane and my whim.
Along with the breeze, but no wind,
I was rejected, with no where to begin.

You are reaching so high
i know you are not worth decieving

Trainwrecks piled up in the dark
This is where our hearts are leading
this is where our mind stops
Patience you've got to leave your mark
turn on the spotlight , grow and watch
try to please the world and watch how quick she stops
You never know where your path will lead and so
you know its true that you must walk it alone
no one knows what the future holds and so
you must go where only your love will grow

You were all that I was not needing.
You stuck the knife in my side that will not stop bleeding.
I chased you like a high, fiending.
Lies that translated to me believing.
Looks are misleading, decieving.
Kindness that always leads to mistreating.
Words are said without any meaning.
I doubt myself. I doubt what I'm feeling.
I close my eyes pretend I'm not seeing.
When I walk through the door just know that I'm leaving.
Numb, no more feeling.