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Alexia Côté Jul 2014
I crave you in the most innocent way a human being can crave another,
I crave for you to think of me as the one that you want to bother,
I crave to give you a kiss on the forehead,
For you to ask me to give you one the lips instead,

I crave to wish you good night,
That way in the morning you’ll be the first thing in my sight,
I crave to tell you that I adore you when you feel bad,
I crave to make you feel glad,

I crave to hold you in my arms,
I crave to protect you from all forms of harm,
I crave to see you look at me,
To feel like that moment lasted for an infinity,

I crave for you to smile at me,
So that I know that you’re happy,
I crave to watch the stars with you,
Until the sky turns into a light blue,

I crave you,
I don’t want to crave anyone new,
Please promise me that you feel this way too,
Because right now I can’t imagine my life without you
Emily Alyssa Mar 2013
I crave for you to want me like you used to
I crave for your yearning glances
And I crave to be in your thoughts
I crave to be the center of your attention
I crave to be your girl
I crave for you to look at my arms
   And plead me to stop
I crave for you to want to talk to me
I crave for you to hold me
I crave for you to be there
I crave for you to be who you were
    And I crave for me to be who I was
I crave for the world I gave up
DrJohn Nelson Dec 2016
I crave you.
do not mistake my words, as something of lust because,
I crave not your wandering hands, but your wandering mind.

I crave not your eyes, but your eye contact,
I crave not your lips, but to watch the slight curve of them when you speak to me,
I crave not your body, but to carefully watch the way you move.
The way you talk, laugh, the frown when your sad, the way your eyes are lit when you're happy, the way you walk.
You, you drive me so crazy.

I crave you in the most innocent form.
I crave to say goodnight and give you forehead kisses and to say that I adore you when you feel at your worst.
I crave you in colours that don't exist.
I crave you in words wished and dreams sung.

I crave you in ways where showing how beautiful you are, is easier than breathing.
I crave in the spaces between your dreams and your reality that mean most to you and nothing more or less.

For a crave is a need only satisfied in the soul...
One day the looks will leave you, but I, will be able to say that I adored your mind and possibly your soul, to say that in you I looked for and saw what I could not see in myself...
Mr Jay Aug 2013
I crave to live as I live to die
Let me witness peace at the end of the line,

I crave to achieve what my spirit is denied
Let me feel the ember in her eyes

I crave for the smell of my age at nine
Let me relive that nostalgic high

I crave for laughter, through the ages I try
Let me be friends with those that apply

I crave for adventure, risky pleasures of mine
Let me journey through the challenges I find

I crave for justice, where karma resides
Let me have patience for the time

I crave for freedom, when the fight resigns
Let me breathe victory for sacrifices I sign

I crave for sympathy when I fall out of line
Let me invite redemption into the time

I crave for love, compassion and kind
Let me reach for the heart of the crime

I crave for wealth in riches and wines
Let me be selfish for the sake of my bride

I crave to be more than what they say in their minds
Let me change the grand design

I crave for a miracle when my faith is tied
Let me see hope through the divine

I crave for Life, with you by my side
Let's treasure the moment until the day we say goodbye.
Carrying your name forward
on a silver stein raft
with the wreckage of me
I long to crave,
mouth agape, eyes watering proof
I long to crave,
my deciduous vulnerability flashed wide upon when you’re there
I long to crave,
your sweet nectar lips dipped in honey;
have a taste of your
white chocolate
lava cake
I long to crave,
to stare into the openness of your porcelaina doll face
I long to crave,
look through the window to your soul through
your nebulaic eyes.
I long to crave,
Suggestively suggestive advice from you to me to you
I long to crave,
My lover dreamer’s dream
I long to crave,
My tinder streak
keeping me warm
I long to crave,
the shoulder to lean on
in my darkest hours
I long to crave,
The person I want to be beside
When I’m at my most beautiful.
I long to crave,
Oh, how I long to crave ?
My undying longing to crave.

Dream Mar 2019
I crave your scent.
I crave your touch.
I crave your mind.
I crave your love.
I crave your eyes.
I crave your voice.
I crave your words.
I crave your stares.
I crave my body burning.
I crave you.
when it's late at night i want you; i crave you
and your beautiful smile and the way you joke
and how when you laugh your whole body moves
with it.

i crave those moments when you're most vulnerable
and sincere, the moments when it's so early in the
morning you can no longer pick out the ugly
thoughts from the pretty ones; the moment
when everything just gets thrown down onto
the screen like a huge pile of confusion and thoughts.

i crave those moments when you look at me for
a split second and seem to care about me more than
just as that person always there for you. the moments
when you look at me and seem to want me too, under
all the confusion and pain.

i crave those moments when you two are away, and
i don't have to be reminded that the moments we have are
mediocre in comparison. completely and utterly mediocre.

i crave those moments when i can go to sleep and enter my
own reality, where i can just forget it all and not have to pretend
any longer about anything.

i crave those moments when your eyes form gentle creases
on the side of your face when you finally are not smiling to
please, but because you are actually happy.

i crave those moments when i write and i am not forced
to cry; those moments when i can write about 1am and
almost 1am and talking to you and being happy, those
moments when i have hopes for the future.

but i also crave those moments when i cannot crave anymore,
because the pain seems to be too much for me to handle
starstrike Jan 6
I crave self destruction
I crave bleeding veins
And sleepless nights spent in a fit of craze
Mascara smeared
And fresh white scars
Like a flag
Betray the heart

I crave desperation
I crave a hollowed syringe
And the feeling in your stomach standing on the edge of a bridge
One false move
One small slip
And there you go
Lost to the abyss

I crave contamination
I crave a stranger’s touch
And crave to readily welcome just as much
Both in romance and rivalry
Biting lips
Or clashing fists
Teeth sinking into skin
Tongues grazing wrists

I crave pain
I crave adrenaline
Knowing the mistress, Danger
Making love to her
But I can’t seem to find her here
So I search in the bottles
I search with my knuckles against the walls
With metal on my thighs
And poisonous, addicting, burning lies

I crave
And I search
And I crave
And I search
And I climb and climb
And ride the high
Of flirting with Danger
My, oh my
But it’s been a while now since she’s flipped my switch
‘Careful, now,’ she whispers
And at last I lose my grip
Gaby Comprés Jul 2017
i crave you
but not wildly
and i don't crave a kind of love
in which i am madly lost in
(although i hope i am)
but i crave you normal
like waking up late on a saturday morning
i crave you steady
like your hand holding mine
when you're driving in the car
and i crave you simple
like ice cream and a movie
and i crave you
like you
like a kiss where my neck and collarbone meet
like my skin getting used to
the touch of yours
(although i hope it never does)
like my lips molding
to the shape of your own
and i crave you
i crave you
i crave you.
I Crave Attention, I Crave Affection
Rejection I Meet At Every Turn
'Round Every Corner I Find
Still So Many Unanswered Questions
And A Head Full Of Doubt.

I Crave Affection From Another
I Crave Attention Coz It Seems
Nobody Knows Me, Nobody Knows
Who I Am And Nobody Knows My Name
I Crave For Somebody To Come And Hold Me
To Love On Me, Love On Me
Like I've Never Been Loved Before.

But I'm So Afraid That I'll Forever Be Lonely
And Forever Here With All This Lonely
Has Been My Biggest Fear All Along
Never Being Good Enough, Well
I Just Wanted To Be Somebody
Not Another Casualty Or A Mistake God Made.

But I'm So Afraid That
I'll Forever Be Lonely
And Forever Sounds Like
Shattered Glasses Breaking
Thunder Rolling Across
The Midnight Skies
I Don't Want To Be The Forgotten One
When Everything Else
Fades Back To Dust.

Oh I, I Don't Want To Be The One To
Be The One That's Falling
I'm In Too Deep
And These Dark Waters
They Seem To Drag On And On And On
Never Any End In Sight To This Misery
Deep Inside Of Me.

Oh, If God Only Knew
Then Maybe My Heart
Wouldn't Be So Bruised
Oh, If God Only Knew
Then Maybe My Heart Could Have
Time To Heal Instead Of Being So Broken.

They Say Then Time Is A Healer
If Only I Could Learn To Love Myself For Me
Stop Being So Mean To Myself
If Only I Could Learn To Love Myself First
Stop Being So ******* Myself
Cruel And Unkind
If Only I Could Learn To Appreciate Me For Me
Then Maybe I Could Mend This Brokenness
My Broken Heart To Heal.

If Only I Could Learn To See Myself
In A Different Kind Of Light
If Only I Could Find The Light
That Shines Deep Within Myself
If Only For A Minute Or Even A Moments Time
Then Maybe Just Maybe Then
I Would Finally See
What's Been There For Me All Along.

Coz...I'm So Tired, I'm So Tired
These Tears That I Cry Are So Endless
Like The Pouring Rain
I Cry Tears Into My Pillow At Night
I Hold Onto My Pillow Tight Because
I'm So Scared Of Looking At Myself
In The Mirror So Scared And So Afraid
At What I Might Find.

Will It Be Love?, Will It Be Joy?
Will It Be Heartache And Pain?
And All Kinds Of Sorrow
There's All Different Colors Inside
You See, If You Just Look Deeper
You Will See It Too That
The Colors That I'm Afraid Of Most
Is The Shades That Say Nothing Here
But Dry And Dusty Bones.

Like Old Pipes That Are Bound To Rot
My Heart Is Rusty And Full Of Holes
My Heart Has Never Truly Been Made Whole
I Have Never Known Or Tasted True Freedom
Only Days Of Grey And
Endless Sleepless Nights.


I Crave Attention, I Crave Affection
Rejection I Meet At Every Turn
'Round Every Corner I Find
Still So Many Unanswered Questions
And A Head Full Of Doubt.

I Crave Affection From Another
I Crave Attention Coz It Seems
Nobody Knows Me, Nobody Knows
Who I Am And Nobody Knows My Name
I Crave For Somebody To Come And Hold Me
To Love On Me, Love On Me
Like I've Never Been Loved Before.
BZQ May 2014

⠀                       i crave
                          nex­t to me.

                          i crave
                          your skin
                          on mine.

                          i crave
                          to­uching me,
                          feeling me.

                          i crave
                          your lips
                          on mine.

                          i crave you,
                          your love,
                          your warmth.

                          but most of all,
                          i crave
                          nex­t to me.

Ana Aug 2015
i crave your skin; your touch
i crave your hands
your smile
your eyes and how they crinkle when you laugh
i crave the me i am when i'm with you
i crave your lips; how they'd feel on mine
i crave your affection
i crave for you
and that's all i can do

tay Dec 2015
How could I be this dumb
Dumb to think I would be any different
Different from the other girls
Girls that you've kissed
Kissed with no passion
Passion I so desperately crave

On this drunken night
Night filled with lust and want
Wanting to be loved
Loved in a way different than a friend
Friends is how you see us
Us, being an us is what I so desperately crave

Glint of mischief in your eyes
Eyes that boar into mine
Mine swell with happiness
Happiness that can only be felt
Felt with your kisses
Kisses I so desperately crave

"It was a mistake, I'm sorry"
I'm sorry too, sorry that I fell for you
You broke my heart without another look
Look away while I put on a fake smile
Smile to hide the pain
Pain that I so desperately crave

We used to be best friends
Best friends that shared everything
Everything is what you are to me
Me, just me, boring and plain
Plain and simple you don't love me
Love me the way I so desperately crave

I crave your passion
I crave an us
I crave your kisses
I crave the pain
I crave your love
Does that make me desperate?
Claire Donaldson Sep 2017
Is it bad I crave connection at 15 years old?
Because the more and more I crave, the more and more I mold.
I crave human connection.
human bond.
I've grown fond
of that church boy I see every Sunday morning.
He's so effortlessly himself.
unlike anyone I've ever seen.
Straightforward. Never mean.
He's intelligent and smart,
and has a good heart.
I crave human connection!
Something deep.
Something rich.
Something true.
I want you...
to be the one I talk to...
about my day.
And I want to lay...
my head on your chest so I can hear your heart beat.
I crave to let you explore my soul.
My secrets.
My fears.
My dreams...
Everything I have that is bottled up within me, I crave to share with the one who consumes my thoughts.
You have this incredible way of making me happy,
and I crave to do the same for you!!
Rose Harris Oct 2015
How can I move on?
Jus how when I fell hard for this boy
This boy that irritates me
This boy I think about all the time
This boy that infuriates my mind
Engulfs my heart
Captures my soul
This power he holds
And he doesn't even know
This love I feel
Can it be real?
It can't be
Because it hasn't been that long
When I meet you and I melted
Your smile lured me in
Your humor stole me away
Your love I so crave
I wait and wait
I wait
Wondering am I not enough
Maybe I'm not
Because I thought I was
I thought I gave u my love
My good stuff
I tried to make u feel like a man
My man
But you was jus playing
Right play me was the game
But how can I believe that
When I feel something with you
And I know you feel it too
I know you feel when we make love
Feeling high as the heavens above
Or maybe I'm obsessing over you ***
But no no it can't be that
Bc I crave you in ways
I haven't craved another man
I crave your mind
The very essence of you
I crave your soul
Baby I jus crave you
Every flaw I hate
That drives me insane
I crave your happiness
I pray you succeed
I crave your love
I crave bearing your seed
I don't know its crazy all this love for you I have
But everyone says I'm crazy
Or Lusting
Because you give me things I never had
But honestly the ***
**** it's good
It's life changing
My emotional high
My feeling of desire
And ******* you for days
And oh baby the ways.
The very ways I wanna *******
You can't begin to imagine
So maybe it's lust
Bc I jus want u
Bc no one knows how to make me feel good but you
But I know it's not the ***
Bc the *** is great
But **** baby it's you
I can't explain it
But it's you
Everything about you belongs to me
And i don't know why and how but it does
I want you for myself
And it makes me hate me
Because you make me weak
A **** fool
A fool for you
So every night I pray for strength
The strength to not crave this boy anymore
The strength to move on
The strength to not let his smile
Break me down
His dimpled smile that caught my heart
So I'll jus play this part
Boy breaks good girls heart
It doesn't restart
Bc she can't move on
But when she does
Boy falls apart
**** another broke heart
Arcassin B Nov 2015
By Drake
Poem by Arcassin Burnham

You use call me on my,
You use to, you use to,

You use to call me on my sprint phone,
Late night when you crave for us,
Call me on my sprint phone,
Late night when you crave for us,
And I know when that hotline bling,
Baby I'll save you the ring,
And I know when that hotline bling,
Baby I'll save you the ring,

Ever since we crossed paths,
Choosing occupations for yaself now,
Even when you told my *** to get out,
gunshot to my head I feel so stretched out,
Cause ever since we crossed paths,
Started going out and being a *****,
Never settled for less,  I know you need more,
All these mood swings I never seen before,

You use to call me on my sprint phone,
Late night when you crave for us,
Call me on my sprint phone,
Late night when you crave for us,
And I know when that hotline bling,
Baby I'll save you the ring,
And I know when that hotline bling,
Baby I'll save you the ring,

Ever since we crossed paths,
You you you,
You felt like I left you on your own,
Its obvious that the love is gone,
I never felt like I could be wrong,
Ever since we crossed paths,
You got exactly what you asked for,
Why you wanna go and just do that for,
Beautiful honest woman's what I took you for,

You use to call me on my sprint phone,
Late night when you crave for us,
Call me on my sprint phone,
Late night when you crave for us,
And I know when that hotline bling,
Baby I'll save you the ring,
And I know when that hotline bling,
Baby I'll save you the ring,

These days all I do is wondered
If you ever smashed my heart into little pieces
If you ever smashed my heart into little pieces
Wondered if I ever hurt you deeply,
You don't have to please me,
you could be mad at me,
You could be so mad at me,
Don't you turn the tables,
Changing my area code,
All the delightfulness in you Don dried up and died,
Now I need someone to set the tone,
You should just be yourself,
Right now your someone else,

You use to call me on my sprint phone,
Late night when you crave for us,
Call me on my sprint phone,
Late night when you crave for us,
And I know when that hotline bling,
Baby I'll save you the ring,
And I know when that hotline bling,
Baby I'll save you the ring,

Ever since we crossed paths!
My version to drakes hotlinebling song :)
freeing the mind Jul 2016
I crave for your body,
pushed against my own,
your kisses down my neck,
the whispers in my ears,
the passion we create,
through our simple,solid actions,

I crave for your body,
hot,wild and ready,
resisting my temptations,
driving me insane,

I crave for your body,
Eager,willing and curious,
The night ahead our fantasies to be fulfilled

I crave for your body,
****, luscious and curvy,
One I only imagine,
my adventurous side to unwind with,

I crave for your body,
with mine all night,
loving and lusting,
bringing our deepest images to life.
slightly detailed apologies if I offend readers
Suzanne Penn May 2013
I crave...
your voice
and the intimacy
that your words....
when spoken softly
bring to me

I crave
your touch
and the security
that engulfs me
whenever you hold me

I crave...
being "part of"
and the  feeling I get
when you tell the world
that I'm yours

I crave...
the release
that overcomes me
when I'm unsure
and your presence
envelops me

I crave...
your taste
when your glows
and I can see the love
in your eyes
Yu Han Sung Apr 2018
i crave you
i crave your essence
i crave your vibe
i crave you as a being
i crave your energy
i crave your presence
i crave you
I crave you in the most innocent way. I crave to say to you good night & goodmorning. I crave to bless you with forehead kisses and to say I adore you when you feel at your worst. I crave to just listen to you until you run out of words. I crave to have the honor of being your bestfriend. I crave you in ways where I just want to be next to you nothing more, nothing less.
Lappel du vide Dec 2013
i crave you
i crave you like a cigarette, to press my lips softly upon you and **** out your insides with one flick of my tongue,
to breathe you in and watch you dance about lazily in the sunlight,
i crave you like whiskey,
the kind that when you sip it, in a large bed with soft blankets, next to a girl that’s like an angel compared to myself
the devil,
it burns your throat and lights you on fire,
blowing up your stomach in one thousand different explosions of flames,
but i’d rather be on fire with you.
i crave you like i crave paper,
the soft, porcelain face, the dark dance of my pen gliding upon its silky body,
words twisting and twirling,
i crave you like midnight writing when the moon is out
and the air is soft and thick,
and the neighborhood is asleep and everything is white noise
but the scratching of pens and crickets singing in the east,
quiet under the rising sun.
i crave your skin on mine
friction and fire,
your lips on mine
smoky, drunk,
i crave you like freedom on a summer night.
Victoria Ruth Sep 2014
It pains me to see
That you're doing just fine
I crave your fingers
Running down my spine

I crave your taste
Your touch and your lips
The way it felt
With your hands on my hips

But you're okay
You're doing fine without me
You only crave
To finally be set free
BZQ May 2014
I crave the way you touch me with your lips and the way your fingers float across my hips.
 I crave the way your legs go in between mine and the way your smile gives me butterflies inside.
 I crave hearing your voice the way you say I love you and I crave falling asleep feeling safe and sound next to you.
- bzq
By M Apr 2019
I don't crave love
I don't crave hate
I don't crave joy
I don't crave innocence
I don't crave what makes others seem so...

All I crave is peace
Horace May Jan 2014
I Crave,

For those days that pass by.
Moments that seem to just fly.
Something I wish would stick.
Memories last, not too quick.

I crave,

For words wont pass in a blur.
Conversation, no such slur.
Company with another.
Something no one smothers.

I crave,

For something that lasts.
Peel away at one's masks.
Openness will it gleam.
Like a gentle sunbeam.

I crave,

For something ageless.
Aspect so shapeless.
Receive and give.
To live and let live.

I Crave.
Aug 27 2013
Been with this one person for a while now. I like her energy and enthusiasm as well as her mystery and caution. She is easy to talk to but hard to converse with.
I craved the things she gave me, something i feel and hope true friends share. Conversation and simply enjoying ones company.
Charlotte Smith Jun 2013
I crave the way you look at me-
The way your lips flicker upwards,
Into a lazy smile.

I crave your touch-
The way you hold me so effortlessly,
So I never feel alone.

I crave your softer side-
The way you tell me exactly how you feel,
I can never doubt you.

I crave you-
The way you make me feel,
I love you, and don't think I can stop.
Maura Jan 2015
I crave that deep sleep
or that deep awake
but the the kind of awake
where your mind is asleep

I crave a sense of peace
or a sense of inspiration
but the kind of peace
where were your mind
wanders through your imagination

I crave a great embrace
or just a soft hug
but the kind of embrace
that works like a drug

I crave a spiritual wake
or just a nudge from God
but the kind of wake
that'll heal my heartache

I crave oh how I crave
for God's grace to save
Teresa Reyes Mar 2015
What is it that I crave?
I crave something I won’t receive,
the tense feeling you get when he touches your side
and then travels down to your leg,
The sensational feeling of peppermint kisses
Big hands cupped around your face
Then back to your hips as he brings you in
What is it I crave?
I crave the sense of protection
The feeling of being needed
Being pulled closer to deepen your love for each other
Feeling the sense of lust and time passing slowly
But instead I'm here in bed lonely
What is it that I crave?
I crave something I won't receive.
Hannah Jan 2014
the feeling of your fingers
tracing the scars on my skin,
the tingle you leave on my lips
as your mouth parts ways with mine,
and the way your tongue forms my name
in a way that no other can match.
I crave
the light in your eyes
when my pupils are reflected in yours,
the wrinkles covering the folds of your forehead
as worry takes over every cell in your body,
and the way your voice cracks
when the worry refuses to leave.
I crave
your arms around mine
gentle, calming, warm,
the strength in your hands
as they grip mine tight,
and the way your nose crinkles
from the pain you refuse to admit you carry.
I crave
the times we were together,
nothing able to break us apart,
because you used to
crave me too.
I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,

and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.
Alyssa Underwood May 2018
"The Struggle for Love"
"The Longing for Home"
So desperate to prove
That our hearts aren't alone

While death looms wherewith
To make dust of our flesh
We seek in a myth
Our souls to enmesh

With a hero of hope
A rescuing source
To widen our scope
And give pith to our course

An unshakable tie
An attachment at core
Which might silence the cry
That our hearts are at war

With a pure set of eyes
Full of fire and proficient
To dispel all the lies
That our souls aren't deficient

But it's not our mere lack
Which causes most dread
It's the earth-shattering fact
That our spirits are dead

Cut off from their Source
In a black alienation
Humanity's curse
For its rank ins'bordination

We just want our own way
And to write our own story
So we plunge on astray
To seek our own glory

To play artist or muse
Or idol or chief
Any self-styled ruse
To assuage us of grief

Any measure to show
A lasting signif'cance
So that someone would know
Our unique magnif'cence

For our beauty's been marred
And we crave a redemption
Of souls twisted and scarred
By fulfillment's exemption

But, alas, we will find
That search hard as we may
There's not one of our kind
Who can carry the tray

Upon which the weight
Of our souls has been laid
For who can e'er tolerate
Its gross debts unpaid?

Such suff'cating mass
Of defects and ills
Pressed 'gainst delicate glass
Of egos and wills

Still more ghastly to bear
Is devotion unbound
For with millstone to wear
Its master is drowned

'Neath a sea of foul yeast
And becomes the enslaved
To a hungering beast
To a worship depraved

For the heart is a tiger
And must have its fill
So it raises a man higher
With a kiss before the ****

Not intentionally, of course,
Does it slaughter its idol
But of hurricane force
Is this longing so vital

And as pedestal turns
So quickly to altar
Our wounded pride burns
When our gods and alms falter

And the fire of its rage
Turns upon its obsession
Tiger breaks out of cage
To reclaim self-possession

It bites and it tears
What it once so adored
And pride no longer cares
If it kills its false lord

But upon such demise
The soul screams in terror
For it's broken its prize
And can't take back its error

It begs and it pleads
To restore what's been lost
But at end knows it needs
To consider the cost

Of the damage untold
It has left in the wake
For hearts can't be controlled
With a gush or a shake

No, men's hearts are like bombs
Which so easily explode
Once the pin is removed
All past wrongs will re-load

So the prey becomes hunter
When the tiger attacks
For he does not want her
To see what he lacks

As he, too, had put
Her up in wrong place
But now steps his foot
Upon her shamed face

To now pulverize
As his own heart's been crushed
To blind out her eyes
And to see her lips hushed

For with words idly spoken
She'd stabbed at his soul
And had left his pride broken
By her judgments so cold

She had not meant to harm
Knew not e'en that he heard
But one cannot disarm
A thought put to word

Worse than not knowing this
She no longer knew him
And her once imagined bliss
Proved a nullified whim

Oh, what games and delusions
We play and we build
Upon empty illusions
And dreams unfulfilled

Yet strangely it's when
Our worst fears come true
We can finally transcend
All those old tales we grew

Out of ego and void
Out of sorrow and pain
When our nerves felt annoyed
And our hearts felt too vain

'Cause when ego is puffed
It is primed, too, to pop
And with pinprick is snuffed
Like a pest-blighted crop

So imagine much more
When a venom's injected
Right into its core
And its heart is rejected

But can you also not see
How it needs such a burst
To begin to get free
From its self-absorbed curse?

Except now feels the matter
Of our soul's isolation
Fiercer still with the shatter
Of our pet consolation

So we wait and we wonder
If we've missed the true meaning
Of the frightening thunder
In our heart's constant screaming

Whether homesick or lost
Whether lonely or grieved
Locked in bleak Winter's frost
We find little reprieve

Yet we know we've been made
For the glory of Spring
Some card's still to be played
Some grand song still to sing

Inexpressible yearning
For some secret we know
But can't speak for the burning
Repercussions of woe

Not some mere melancholy
Nor nostalgic forlorn
Not the musings of folly
But a sense that we're torn

From primordial root
And from headwaters fresh
Yet much deeper to boot
From our spiritual breath

'Tis an ache not for wares,
Appreciation or fame
But a fight just for air
Against strangling shame

For we're naked, we know
And with all we devise
Our most flawed parts still show
To a pure set of eyes

Like we're walking around
With no covering intact
But thin hospital gown
With wide split up the back

So we hide our true face
Aim to be what we're not
Work our blots to erase
Lest our schemes should be caught

Be 't by friend or by foe
We dare not risk the pain
Of humiliation's blow
On top of our stain

But instead of relief
Anguish grows louder till
This life's loneliest grief
Paralyzes the will

And last hope all but dies
On doubt's bed of despair
While embittered heart cries
That its lot's too unfair

Yet on outside we play
Through our unconscious mind
Man's collective charade
That everything's fine

Like some pact we'd all sworn
To uphold and obey
To protect from the scorn
Of society's sway

If we run with the flow
'Stead of strive 'gainst the tide
We might make enough show
To salvage our pride

We forget that conceit
Is what caused all the mess
Through a serpent's deceit
And a couple's wrong guess

'Twas they first tasted shame
And then hid in a garden
Sewing fig leaves as claim
To secure their own pardon

Yet in horror they knew
They had squandered the Prize
And must flee from the view
Of a pure set of eyes

Now same state of awry
Runs through each of their seed
Inborn and borne by
Like the thorniest ****

Whose nettles pierce deep
And infect every part
While roots tangle and sweep
Through the mind and the heart

It mocks what we've lost
Torments every dim hope
To constrict and accost
Like a noose-tightening rope

Still, hope won't be decayed
Smold'ring fires yet burn
Sparking hints that we're made
For bright Eden's return

This redemption we crave
Is no phantom's false plea
But as crestfallen wave
Hides itself in the sea

It's been veiled in plain sight
Big as all of our stories
Deep as mankind's full plight
And as high as its glories

Cloaked in every ambition
That we have to get in
To some exclusive coalition
For its favors to win

Lurks a bleeding predilection
Frustrated from birth
A desire for election
To bestow on us worth

Lured by scent of a promise
To be chosen and known
Like the warmth of a mom's kiss
Given only to her own

We search tree after tree
For sweet intimacy's nectar
From a fruit that will be
Our secret connecter

To hope's nourishing breast
To life's honey from comb
To an undying rest
To a straight way toward home

One to wipe away tears
And allay deepest doubt
Which proceeds from worst fears
Of our being locked out

Of a garden again
Cast from pure tree of life
Dim remembrance of when
Mankind first entered strife

All our conflicts, comp'tition,
Confusion and blame
Find first cause in perdition
That's invaded our frame

Like the foulest disease
The most cankerous rot
Grown by monstrous degrees
Hatched by Lucifer's plot

This story's no ****'s attack
Nor archaic folklore
But the earth-shattering fact
That our hearts are at war

With a pure set of eyes
Full of fire and proficient
To dispel all the lies
That our souls aren't deficient

And it's not our mere lack
which causes most dread
But the earth-shattering fact
That our spirits are dead

Cut off from their Source
In a black alienation
Humanity's curse
For it's rank ins'bordination

And yet...

This is also the story
Of how those same eyes
The Possessor of Glory
Looked with love and heart cries

On the crown of creation
His reflection of Self
Made His own treasured nation
The heirs of His wealth

Now broken and lost
All banished from Garden
And He knew the full cost
To grant them His pardon

Had known long before
He had e'er even made
That first man of yore
Yet handcrafts anyway

For His love is so strong
And He wanted to share
His intimacy with a throng
His own children to bear

So with souls in convulsion
From their rebellious misdeed
Just before their expulsion
He promised a Seed

One untainted from sin
Who could take its great boulder
And the weight of His kin
Upon His own shoulder

A Hero of hope
A rescuing Source
To widen our scope
And give pith to our course

An unshakable tie
An attachment at core
Who would silence the cry
That our hearts are at war

With a pure set of eyes
Full of fire and proficient
To dispel all the lies
That our souls aren't deficient

For those eyes are His own
And He'd pay the full fee
By His body alone
To set our hearts free

He's hope's nourishing breast
He's life's honey from comb
He's our undying rest
He's our straight way toward home

He will wipe away tears
And allay deepest doubt
Which proceeds from worst fears
Of our being locked out

Of the Garden again
Cast from pure Tree of Life
Dim remembrance of when
Mankind first entered strife

But 'twas on another tree
That sweet intimacy's nectar
Was secured tight when He
Became sacred Connector

And the thorns of our curse
Were pressed onto His head
With not one there to nurse
As the Son of Man bled

Then the wrath for our sin
Was absorbed as He cried
And the foul curse was broken
When the Son of God died

But death couldn't keep Him long
Nor His glory dispose
And we found our lost song
When the King of kings rose!

The debt had been paid
He had finished the work
The tide 'gainst us was swayed
We weren't left in our lurk

And we've only to now
Just repent and believe
To open and allow
Our hearts to receive

Our Divine Fountainhead
Our covering complete
To sup from His bread
And to sit at His feet

To worship the One
For Whom we were made
By Whom we've been won
Whom forever we've craved

The One Who can bear
Our hearts' full devotion
The One Who won't tear
At our souls' raw emotion

The One Who will be
Sweet eternity's song
Who with lasting decree

First two lines taken from Timothy Keller sermon titles;
also inspired by his other sermons:
"The Breastplate of Righteousness"
"Blessed Self-Forgetfulness"
"The Sandals of Peace"
"The Wounded Spirit"


for more on this:

Rose Amberlyn May 2014
All I crave is that gentleness.
The firsts of things where sweetness rings in the
beginning of love.
The call of sheer simplicity as all falls into place,
and the selfless wanting-ness that remains in all of its grace.

All I crave is that gentleness.
Those bubbles of hope that slowly rise up,
and tickle your insides.
That rush of heat that stains your cheeks,
that you'll never be able to hide.

All I crave is that gentleness.
That genuine, selfless love.

All I crave is that gentleness.
The kind sent from up above.
Nigel Morgan Nov 2012
As a woman, and in the service of my Lord the Emperor Wu, my life is governed by his command. At twenty I was summoned to this life at court and have made of it what I can, within the limitations of the courtesan I am supposed to be, and the poet I have now become. Unlike my male counterparts, some of whom have lately found seclusion in the wilderness of rivers and mountains, I have only my personal court of three rooms and its tiny garden and ornamental pond. But I live close to the surrounding walls of the Zu-lin Gardens with its astronomical observatories and bold attempts at recreating illusions of celebrated locations in the Tai mountains. There, walking with my cat Xi-Lu in the afternoons, I imagine a solitary life, a life suffused with the emptiness I crave.
In the hot, dry summer days my maid Mei-Lim and I have sought a temporary retreat in the pine forests above Lingzhi. Carried in a litter up the mountain paths we are left in a commodious hut, its open walls making those simple pleasures of drinking, eating and sleeping more acute, intense. For a few precious days I rest and meditate, breathe the mountain air and the resinous scents of the trees. I escape the daily commerce of the court and belong to a world that for the rest of the year I have to imagine, the world of the recluse. To gain the status of the recluse, open to my male counterparts, is forbidden to women of the court. I am woman first, a poet and calligrapher second. My brother, should he so wish, could present a petition to revoke his position as a man of letters, an official commentator on the affairs of state. But he is not so inclined. He has already achieved notoriety and influence through his writing on the social conditions of town and city. He revels in a world of chatter, gossip and intrigue; he appears to fear the wilderness life.  
I must be thankful that my own life is maintained on the periphery. I am physically distant from the hub of daily ceremonial. I only participate at my Lord’s express command. I regularly feign illness and fatigue to avoid petty conflict and difficulty. Yet I receive commissions I cannot waver: to honour a departed official; to celebrate a son’s birth to the Second Wife; to fulfil in verse my Lord’s curious need to know about the intimate sorrows of his young concubines, their loneliness and heartache.
Occasionally a Rhapsody is requested for an important visitor. The Emperor Wu is proud to present as welcome gifts such poetic creations executed in fine calligraphy, and from a woman of his court. Surely a sign of enlightment and progress he boasts! Yet in these creations my observations are parochial: early morning frost on the cabbage leaves in my garden; the sound of geese on their late afternoon flight to Star Lake; the disposition of the heavens on an Autumn night. I live by the Tao of Lao-Tzu, perceiving the whole world from my doorstep.
But I long for the reclusive life, to leave this court for my family’s estate in the valley my peasant mother lived as a child. At fourteen she was chosen to sustain the Emperor’s annual wish for young girls to be groomed for concubinage. Like her daughter she is tall, though not as plain as I; she put her past behind her and conceded her adolescence to the training required by the court. At twenty she was recommended to my father, the court archivist, as second wife. When she first met this quiet, dedicated man on the day before her marriage she closed her eyes in blessing. My father taught her the arts of the library and schooled her well. From her I have received keen eyes of jade green and a prestigious memory, a memory developed she said from my father’s joy of reading to her in their private hours, and before she could read herself. Each morning he would examine her to discover what she had remembered of the text read the night before. When I was a little child she would quote to me the Confucian texts on which she had been ****** schooled, and she then would tell me of her childhood home. She primed my imagination and my poetic world with descriptions of a domestic rural life.
Sometimes in the arms of my Lord I have freely rhapsodized in chusi metre these delicate word paintings of my mother’s home. She would say ‘We will walk now to the ruined tower beside the lake. Listen to the carolling birds. As the sparse clouds move across the sky the warm sun strokes the winter grass. Across the deep lake the forests are empty. Now we are climbing the narrow steps to the platform from which you and I will look towards the sun setting in the west. See the shadows are lengthening and the air becomes colder. The blackbird’s solitary song heralds the evening.  Look, an owl glides silently beneath us.’
My Lord will then quote from Hsieh Ling-yun,.
‘I meet sky, unable to soar among clouds,
face a lake, call those depths beyond me.’
And I will match this quotation, as he will expect.
‘Too simple-minded to perfect Integrity,
and too feeble to plough fields in seclusion.’
He will then gaze into my eyes in wonder that this obscure poem rests in my memory and that I will decode the minimal grammar of these early characters with such poetry. His characters: Sky – Bird – Cloud – Lake – Depth. My characters: Fool – Truth – Child – Winter field – Isolation.
Our combined invention seems to take him out of his Emperor-self. He is for a while the poet-scholar-sage he imagines he would like to be, and I his foot-sore companion following his wilderness journey. And then we turn our attention to our bodies, and I surprise him with my admonitions to gentleness, to patience, to arousing my pleasure. After such poetry he is all pleasure, sensitive to the slightest touch, and I have my pleasure in knowing I can control this powerful man with words and the stroke of my fingertips rather than by delicate youthful beauty or the guile and perverse ingenuity of an ****** act. He is still learning to recognise the nature and particularness of my desires. I am not as his other women: who confuse pleasure with pain.
Thoughts of my mother. Without my dear father, dead ten years, she is a boat without a rudder sailing on a distant lake. She greets each day as a gift she must honour with good humour despite the pain of her limbs, the difficulty of walking, of sitting, of eating, even talking. Such is the hurt that governs her ageing. She has always understood that my position has forbidden marriage and children, though the latter might be a possibility I have not wished it and made it known to my Lord that it must not be. My mother remains in limbo, neither son or daughter seeking to further her lineage, she has returned to her sister’s home in the distant village of her birth, a thatched house of twenty rooms,
‘Elms and willows shading the eaves at the back,
and, in front,  peach and plum spread wide.
Villages lost across mist-haze distances,
Kitchen smoke drifting wide-open country,
Dogs bark deep among the back roads out here
And cockerels crow from mulberry treetops.
My esteemed colleague T’ao Ch’ien made this poetry. After a distinguished career in government service he returned to the life of a recluse-farmer on his family farm. Living alone in a three-roomed hut he lives out his life as a recluse and has endured considerable poverty. One poem I know tells of him begging for food. His world is fields-and-gardens in contrast to Hsieh Ling-yin who is rivers-and-mountains. Ch’ien’s commitment to the recluse life has brought forth words that confront death and the reality of human experience without delusion.
‘At home here in what lasts, I wait out life.’
Thus my mother waits out her life, frail, crumbling more with each turning year.
To live beyond the need to organise daily commitments due to others, to step out into my garden and only consider the dew glistening on the loropetalum. My mind is forever full of what is to be done, what must be completed, what has to be said to this visitor who will today come to my court at the Wu hour. Only at my desk does this incessant chattering in the mind cease, as I move my brush to shape a character, or as the needle enters the cloth, all is stilled, the world retreats; there is the inner silence I crave.
I long to see with my own eyes those scenes my mother painted for me with her words. I only know them in my mind’s eye having travelled so little these past fifteen years. I look out from this still dark room onto my small garden to see the morning gathering its light above the rooftops. My camellia bush is in flower though a thin frost covers the garden stones.
And so I must imagine how it might be, how I might live the recluse life. How much can I jettison? These fine clothes, this silken nightgown beneath the furs I wrap myself in against the early morning air. My maid is sleeping. Who will make my tea? Minister to me when I take to my bed? What would become of my cat, my books, the choice-haired brushes? Like T’ao Ch’ien could I leave the court wearing a single robe and with one bag over my shoulders? Could I walk for ten days into the mountains? I would disguise myself as a man perhaps. I am tall for a woman, and though my body flows in broad curves there are ways this might be assuaged, enough perhaps to survive unmolested on the road.
Such dreams! My Lord would see me returned within hours and send a servant to remain at my gate thereafter. I will compose a rhapsody about a concubine of standing, who has even occupied the purple chamber, but now seeks to relinquish her privileged life, who coverts the uncertainty of nature, who would endure pain and privation in a hut on some distant mountain, who will sleep on a mat on its earth floor. Perhaps this will excite my Lord, light a fire in his imagination. As though in preparation for this task I remove my furs, I loose the knot of my silk gown. Naked, I reach for an old under shift letting it fall around my still-slender body and imagine myself tying the lacings myself in the open air, imagine making my toilet alone as the sun appears from behind a distant mountain on a new day. My mind occupies itself with the tiny detail of living thus: bare feet on cold earth, a walk to nearby stream, the gathering of berries and mountain herbs, the making of fire, the washing of my few clothes, imagining. Imagining. To live alone will see every moment filled with the tasks of keeping alive. I will become in tune with my surroundings. I will take only what I need and rely on no one. Dreaming will end and reality will be the slug on my mat, the bone-chilling incessant mists of winter, the thorn in the foot, the wild winds of autumn. My hands will become stained and rough, my long limbs tanned and scratched, my delicate complexion freckled and wind-pocked, my hair tied roughly back. I will become an animal foraging on a dank hillside. Such thoughts fill me with deep longing and a ****** desire to be tzu-jan  - with what surrounds me, ablaze with ****** self.
It is not thought the custom of a woman to hold such desires. We are creatures of order and comfort. We do not live on the edge of things, but crave security and well-being. We learn to endure the privations of being at the behest of others. Husbands, children, lovers, our relatives take our bodies to them as places of comfort, rest and desire. We work at maintaining an ordered flow of existence. Whatever our station, mistress or servant we compliment, we keep things in order, whether that is the common hearth or the accounts of our husband’s court. Now my rhapsody begins:
A Rhapsody on a woman wishing to live as a recluse
As a lady of my Emperor’s court I am bound in service.
My court is not my own, I have the barest of means.
My rooms are full of gifts I am forced barter for bread.
Though the artefacts of my hands and mind
Are valued and widely renown,
Their commissioning is an expectation of my station,
With no direct reward attached.
To dress appropriately for my Lord’s convocations and assemblies
I am forced to negotiate with chamberlains and treasurers.
A bolt of silk, gold thread, the services of a needlewoman
Require formal entreaties and may lie dormant for weeks
Before acknowledgement and release.
I was chosen for my literary skills, my prestigious memory,
Not for my ****** beauty, though I have been called
‘Lady of the most gracious movement’ and
My speaking voice has clarity and is capable of many colours.
I sing, but plainly and without passion
Lest I interfere with the truth of music’s message.
Since I was a child in my father’s library
I have sought out the works of those whose words
Paint visions of a world that as a woman
I may never see, the world of the wilderness,
Of rivers and mountains,
Of fields and gardens.
Yet I am denied by my *** and my station
To experience passing amongst these wonders
Except as contrived imitations in the palace gardens.
Each day I struggle to tease from the small corner
Of my enclosed eye-space some enrichment
Some elemental thing to colour meaning:
To extend the bounds of my home
Across the walls of this palace
Into the world beyond.
I have let it be known that I welcome interviews
With officials from distant courts to hear of their journeying,
To gather word images if only at second-hand.
Only yesterday an emissary recounted
His travels to Stone Lake in the far South-West,
Beyond the gorges of the Yang-tze.
With his eyes I have seen the mountains of Suchan:
With his ears I have heard the oars crackling
Like shattering jade in the freezing water.
Images and sounds from a thousand miles
Of travel are extract from this man’s memory.
Such a sharing of experience leaves me
Excited but dismayed: that I shall never
Visit this vast expanse of water and hear
Its wild cranes sing from their floating nests
In the summer moonlight.
I seek to disappear into a distant landscape
Where the self and its constructions of the world may
Dissolve away until nothing remains but the no-mind.
My thoughts are full of the practicalities of journeying
Of an imagined location, that lonely place
Where I may be at one with myself.
Where I may delight in the everyday Way,
Myself among mist and vine, rock and cave.
Not this lady of many parts and purposes whose poems must
Speak of lives, sorrow and joy, pleasure and pain
Set amongst personal conflict and intrigue
That in containing these things, bring order to disorder;
Salve the conscience, bathe hurt, soothe sleight.

— The End —