leonardo: Favorites

Apr 2015 leonardo

Dreams

Apr 2015 leonardo

Thomas EG

Dreams

I do not know how to feel,
I do not know how to function,
But at least I no-longer dream,
Of serious self-destruction.

I dream of living anxiety-free,
I dream of compassion, of care,
I dream of being able to breathe,
Without choking on fresh air.

Anxiety is gross, like even deep breaths can send me into panic attacks, it's mad. I've come far though!

#freedom #living #anxiety #dreams #breathe #care #compassion #self-destruction #choking #freshair

Apr 2015 leonardo

My ABCs

Apr 2015 leonardo

Thomas EG

My ABCs

Anytime you feel lonely
Beckon for me to come into your arms
Catch hold of my hand in the shadows, in the back row
Don't let go.
Every day is a new day
Feeling good
Good feeling
Happy... Almost.
I* don't want you to leave as well
Just stay, please...
Keep your fingers crossed
Love the way that your dark eyes shine so brightly
My heart races in your presence
No good can come from this
Only few understand.
Please hold on for a little longer
Quit with the teasing already
Ridiculous, our circumstances...
Slow down, I want to know more
Tell me your deepest secrets
Under the light of the moon.
Velvet blankets, picnic baskets
What's next?
Xoxo, your biggest fan
You never did understand my jokes
Zzzzzz, goodnight, day dreamer...
Now I know my ABCs,
Next time won't you comfort me?

Alphabetical order fun

#love #lonely #heart #eyes #happy #stay #alphabet #secrets #understand #shadows

Apr 2015 leonardo

No Good

Apr 2015 leonardo

Thomas EG

No Good

I'm no good at this...
No good at this at all.
I'm not ready,
I never will be.
I wanted independence,
Not neglect.
I feel really, really alone tonight...
Vulnerability at its finest.
Sweet, sweet pain.
Salty, salty tears.
1 year, 178 days sober.
I congratulate myself.
Last night was great,
In the glow of the moonlight,
To the rush of the waves...
The ocean waved at me...
And she smiled.
What a smile she has.
I need to quit,
I never will quit.
With a sigh,
I disappear into myself.
Who knows when I'll come out?
Who knows when I will be okay?
I better be okay, one day...

I'm sad :)

#pain #anxiety #neglect #smile #ocean #waves #vulnerability #independence #hopelessness #moonlight

Apr 2015 leonardo

Vanilla

Apr 2015 leonardo

Thomas EG

Vanilla

I fall down, it's no longer bright
Land in a black hole, without light
Oh wait, it's a brown hole tonight
I am falling into your brown eyes
I hope they're authentic, no disguise
Because you truly are a delight
"Oh hey, you look nice"
**** it, you stole my line
"So do you" I weakly reply
My heart thuds and you smile
You lean in, I feel your teasing bite
My tender lips, more than alright
Feel pure pleasure, without fright
There's only excitement, this time
Spare me the misery, my divine
All of the rules have been defied
It's possible that you liked it
But next time you'll deny it
You'll deny my lips with a sigh
I'll deny your denial, what a crime
Better luck next time.
You tasted of... Vanilla, am I right?
You really know how to kiss a guy
Made it feel like my time to shine
Made me feel like I was liked
Pulled my hair, oh, what a life
Held my hands, pulled me in tight
And then a cheeky kiss goodnight
I had to wait for so long... Why?
I guess we've both always been shy
I guess we've both been far behind
But I guess now we would be fine
To hang out, maybe once or twice
With only us, just you and I
That is, if you wouldn't mind
I mean, it's always worth a try
Until then, vanilla lips,
**Goodbye...

SO, LAST NIGHT WAS FUN. AIGHT COOL.

#kiss #eyes #smile #goodbye #lips #bite #authentic #tender #pleasure #vanilla

Mar 2015 leonardo

Let Me Blossom

Mar 2015 leonardo

Thomas EG

Let Me Blossom

You were losing your ****
Over some stupid homework
("No, not homework, study!
You need to study too!")

You were unaware
That I had been sulking
About a body
Not matching a mind

I was paralysed in my bed
And you were helpfully telling me
All about my laziness
All about my life
Or there lack of

Well, I haven't been motivated
To do much lately
Other than ransack my room
For possible compressors

But in the end
You only wanted
To compress my mind
My "mindset"

You say that you love me
And you believe yourself
But do I?
Oh, of course I do

But I can not tell you
How good it feels
To hear them say my name
And mean it

It rolls off of his tongue
Skips out of her lips
And I feel at peace
I feel at home

Funny how I feel the least at home
With family
But what's a family without love?
Unconditional love?

If you love me
Let me go
I promise that I will return
As long as you let me blossom

You see
You fell in love with a caterpillar
Mistook it for a worm
I'm tired of being so pink
It's time to set me free

Cacoons can not be paused
They're created with a purpose
I'm afraid that this time
The changes are irreversible

Yes, I am going to change
But when that butterfly appears
Before your tear-filled eyes
You must realise
That it's still me

Changing, changing all the time. Please set me free.

#love #peace #home #butterfly #mind #change #family #body #motivation #blossom

Mar 2015 leonardo

Let it come

Mar 2015 leonardo

martin

Let it come

Don't approach a dog unknown to you
Holding out your hand, making eye contact
You may frighten him
Let him come to you

Don't write a poem uninspired
It won't work out
In good time
Let it come to you

Don't go out there seeking love
Like a child with a butterfly net
Live your life
Let it come to you

Mar 2015 leonardo

Void

Mar 2015 leonardo

Tim Buggy

Void

Squinting eyes in the pale sunlight
Does not give me the freedom to know that I'm warm

Loud noises and bitter drinks
Make me numb but not happy

Because knowing that hole is still there,
That void that I cannot bare,
Is waiting to be full of something I'm afraid others cannot digest.

Had a moment of poetic inspiration and put this together

#thoughts #personal #worries

Mar 2015 leonardo

Reality

Mar 2015 leonardo

Thomas EG

Reality

Reality hits me
And it ******* kills me
No, please don't say
That you understand

The physical pain
Is sickening, oh
Why can't I be seen
For what I really am?

Well, the thing is
That I actually commit
To the harmless ****
That I care about

Unlike the others
That don't seem to care
They quit, cancel, flit
I can't help but think that it's unfair

Don't you miss me
Don't you notice my absence
Don't you care
That I'm not there?

I hate the crowds
They misconceive how
I express myself
When I'm just the same as everyone else

Or am I?
Who the **** cares?
Let me be who I want to be
Let me do something satisfactory

No, you don't understand
I'm sorry but it's true
You can't sympathise with me
When you don't have a clue...

Ey... Just thought I'd be honest. The other night I was so upset that I felt physically ill and it inspired me haha. Anyway, here's a poem about misconceptions!

#pain #reality #understand #expressions #absence #care #crowds #misconceptions #commit #sympathise

Mar 2015 leonardo

Just Try

Mar 2015 leonardo

Thomas EG

Just Try

You say that you can't do it
I reply that I know why
I name the reasons that I assume
But you tell me something new

My heart shifts

Do you mean to say
That you're not going to try
Simply because it'd be too hard?
Is that the only reason why?

Do you understand
How upset I can get?
How much I can cry?
"And it's hard for me to admit that,
As a man"

But I can cry

And maybe I wouldn't have to
Maybe I wouldn't quite so much
If you would just try

It's funny how you can be
So ******* heartless
So ******* dismissive
So ******* selfish

Without even trying
If you only knew
Why I was crying
When you said you love me

Maybe you don't know me

Maybe you love your daughter
Maybe you're losing her
Maybe you should just try
A little ******* harder
Next time.

A poem for my beloved parents. I do appreciate them, with all of my heart, but we all know that parents can **** sometimes.

#love #heart #cry #loss #selfish #try #understand #heartless

Mar 2015 leonardo

To The Top

Mar 2015 leonardo

Thomas EG

To The Top

This chest is no more than a shallow love pit. There are steep, steep worries at the front of my mind. Avalanches of fears tumble down dark slopes, only to land directly on top of me, with no sign of easing pressure. My ears pop pop pop and I am climbing higher, but feeling lower...

Swerve... Collide, no, swerve again.

Unpredictable lifestyles are my least favourite. Surprise! Panic attack. My shallow love pit aches.

Let me rest, oh please, just let me sleep... Although I am afraid of what tomorrow might bring; bruises, bumps, memories, fun... Terrifyingly unpredictable, to say the least... So let me rest, oh please, oh please. Literally begging, whilst on my knees.

Unfortunate tidal waves of confusion add to the melodrama and I wish to let myself drown. Would anyone help me? There is no saviour at the bottom of the ocean, nor the bottom of a bottle, but please, please, let me drown... Because even drowning sounds better than living this insomnia of a life.

I had always been content with simply floating around, but now that you are here, everything feels different... So let me sink to the bottom of a bottle. Let me rest at the bottom of the ocean. Let me go all the way through life at the bottom, the bottom of anything... For I know that I was not made to make it to the top.

Shoot me with a shot of ***** and drown me with a lot of drink... I do not need your pity, I only need to sink. Don't let me down, just let me drown...

I've had too much time to think.

I was skiing last week and wanted to write something using the idea of steep slopes and avalanches and stuff, at the same time as writing about fear and surrendering to obsessive thoughts...

#love #sleep #insomnia #surprise #fears #drown #chest #collide #unpredictable #saviour