You had me at a smile
no words needed
captured in exile
our eyes met
new course set
instant attraction
impulse reaction
everything else just static
one feeling, ecstatic
heart skipped not a beat
but a whole song sheet
swept off feet.

Your casual dress
no need to impress
as your beauty shines through
what happened to my brain?
i forget my name
David, who??
feels like electricity
running through my body
emotional complexity
still don't know who I be
class A, ecstasy
completely dazzled
brain still frazzled.

We got chemistry
soon to be biology
top of the class
full marks
first shivers
now sparks
extended hand
sweaty palms
nothing planned
subtle charms
hair stands on end
feel so weak
knees bend
i try to speak
voice falter
tongue tied
mouth dry
glass of water
just a mumble
brain fried
feet now stumble
reach for chair
caught off balance
all is air
failed first challenge
goodbye reality
hello gravity
you look away
feeling awkward
please stay
forever altered.

You change your mind like I change my shirt
twice a week
that's when it begins to hurt
thats when you tell me how much you miss me but never speak
and act like you care
but you have no care at all
still I will always be there
whenever you fall
please don't fall
please stay tall
and strong
and beautiful.

I know I don't belong
that I'm no longer needed
I know another has succeeded
as your lover he has been greeted
but why were you searching?
when all you needed was here
why were your eyes closed?
why were you filled with fear?
I tried to keep you close
I tried to pull you near
but the tides turned
your mind spurned
whilst my heart yearned
still yearning
still hurting
still burning.

Not sure if it's love or anger
these charred remains
I still remain
still refrain
let me bake in the sun
let me burn in the water
for it is done
you've finished the slaughter
you have won.
You have one, two, three
things that belong to me.
One heart
two promises
three words.

As vultures start to circle like flies
she stares into a dying mans eyes
his vision blurred, eyes swollen and glazed
any memories left have already hazed
he opens his mouth as if to speak
she leans in close and touches his cheek.

"Now i'm at my journeys end
no lover left for me to tend
a broken heart that will not mend"
--"no next of kin all alone
just worn out skin and dried up bone
all thats left has turned to stone"

She grasps his hand to her chest
knowing its his final rest
she squeezes it oh so tight
with all her strength and all her might
--just before the old man dies
"i am your lover" she replies

"I've been by your side for 60 years
i've shared your laughter and eased your fears
i gave you water and ceased your tears"
--"and listened to every word you said
washed your clothes, bathed and fed
now i sit beside your bed"

As he slowly turns his head
tears are falling eyes are red
one final look of recognition
as she adjusts his position
that single thought sums up their lives
as they say a final goodbye.

I realise you no longer feel the same
in the things you say and do
and even though I know why
I still feel the pain
because my feelings are true
I just hold onto the hope that yours are too
that they are just buried
yet that doesn't stop me being worried
that I'm chasing an impossible dream
but if I don't hope
if I don't dream
then we become a memory
a faded picture of how we used to be.

I know you think I hold onto things
that I should just let them go
but some things are too special to just throw
some things you have to fight for
the way they were before
to keep open that door
to let you know you will always remain a part
of that thing they call the heart.

It makes me sad that you don't want to speak to me all the time
that you don't feel the need to ask if I'm doing fine
I guess we've always thought of things differently
which is why I now have so much difficulty
to accept the way things are
to let go of the past
that you don't want me as your own
that you're happy to just let me go
when I will do anything to fight for us
until my brain turns into mush
just to figure out a solution
instead I just seem to be a nuisance
a burden on your soul
because all I want is you.....

You will always be the first and last
person I think of every day
that even though I may not always those words say
I still feel it
I still want it
as its worth every iota of pain
just to hear you say my name
once more
like before
again.

Age is just a number
to keep track of the lines on ones face
it has nothing to do with our character
or social grace.
What truly defines us
is our life experiences;
birth and death
ill health and stress
marriage and divorce
love and *******.

Our age doesn't equate to intelligence or wisdom
its just a stage of the skin that we've lived in
just because we were born on a certain day
doesn't mean we have to act a certain way
in fact the only thing with certainty
is that we're all unique
like snowflakes
what truth we seek
and path we take.

No need to rely on horoscopes
or what's written in the stars
they're just a joke
like tarot cards
our life is our own making
opportunities are there for the taking
so no matter what, never give in.

My head betrays my heart
my actions betray my words
I am neither wise or smart
so forget what you heard
forget the myth
I'm none of that
all I have is this
there are no facts
for i only exist
as a collection of thoughts
in my head
in your head
I disappear when I go to bed
I exists not in sleep
only death knows my real name
only for her do I weep
I seek not fortune and fame
just the silence of truth
but it's not a choice I can make
for how do you choose to loose?
to let go of everything that's fake
the superficial world
the artificial machine
I just want to be held
I just want to be seen
cradle me in your arms
let me trace the lines across your palms
so short a life line
a thought ignored the signs
how could eyes be so blind
you lay before me naked
and I left you in the cold
I forsook everything sacred
even though I wanted you to hold
to curl up next to you like a fire
a woman's best friend
walking across the wire
like Churchill's merry men
been warring with myself for years
you got caught in the crossfire
everything seemed so weird
slightly askew
tell me dearest what's right and true
lead my heart like compass
lead me to you.

All is pain
nothing to lose
nothing to gain
come the sun
or the rain
who cares
for poison
is the only fruit it bares
this bitter life
no joy
just grief
no feelings
so empty
no healing
i'm exempt see
a broken record
spinning round
always lost
never found
my body is here
but my mind elsewhere
a constant nightmare
never knowing if i sleep or wake
if its real or fake
my smile hides the hurt
my skin scarred beneath the shirt
love me for who I was
and not who I am
simply because
i'm no longer a man
just a shell
of who i used to be
a scam
a memory
pain is my only friend
my own worse enemy
and nothing but darkness see.

Just another fool
trying to act cool
another street punk
out to steal your junk
he flashes his blade
your fate has been made
plunges in the knife
and there goes your life
another widowed wife.

Hands soaked in blood
just misunderstood
no time to plead insanity
hoping for some humanity.

..and what does he get?
A life for a life?
A knife for a knife?
No!, thirty to life
but still out in five
on the streets to rule
back being the fool
to claim another life.

Just another fool
trying to act cool
another street punk
out to steal your junk
he flashes his blade
your fate has been made
plunges in the knife
and there goes your life
another widowed wife
hands soaked in blood
just misunderstood
no time to plea insanity
hoping for some humanity
and what does he get?
A life for a life?
A knife for a knife?
No!, thirty to life
but still out in five
on the streets to rule
back being the fool
to claim another life.

We are all following footsteps in the dirt
all hiding from the hurt
just running scared
they told us to be prepared
but prepared for what?

How can you prepare for the unknown?
for who knows what grows from the seeds we sow
the future is uncertainty
when dealing with reality
all plans are futility
as we free-fall to gravity
through the clouds
its all just sights and sounds.

Beyond every horror and darkened room
just round the corner death does loom
but death is nothing, what ceases to exist
how can you be scared of nothing, why do you resist?
One day those footsteps will suddenly end
and there will be no reason left to pretend
in that moment it will all be clear
that the footsteps you were following was actually fear.

Disarm with charm the arms of war
a chance to settle a thousand year score
to save mankind from blood and gore
and live in peace forever more.

Copious darkness swallows up the light
that grows within me by the night
why do you draw me in the void?
With my head you have toyed
please allow me just one day
to live free from corruption and decay
for surely sins taxes I will pay.

From this eternal nightmare will I not wake?
Or must a smile upon my lips forever fake?
Free me please Lord and I will be in your debt
a sacred promise between us kept
for your friend Job endured the pain
and lived to see happiness ten-fold again
that he may live in eternal bliss
please grant me this
my only wish.

In bed, I lay
upon my cushioned existence I stay
but outside the world's at play
birds swimming in the sky
and trees that gently sway
dancing the day away
and I continue to lie
the distant sounds
of yawning grounds
two parched lips
as the Earth does rip
let the rain come
so we may take a sip
heavens nectar
falls upon a discarded deckchair
striped like candy cane
blotched with the rain
scattered upon sandy dunes
could this be a monsoon
ironically late
but still worth the wait
paid patience admission at the gate
one ticket to wet wet wet
this is what patience gets
just need a raincoat
so I can appear in the matrix
how can you hate this
a neopolitan sky
dripping with colour
if I were a scholar
I could espouse on its many virtues
instead, I turn up my collar
and tip my hat
a little milk won't hurt you
an umbrella swung round a lamppost
and now I'm Gene Kelly
still wearing a raincoat
but dancing
romancing the moonlight
for night has snuck in the back door
like an absent teenager
but this too shall pass
soon the dunes turn to grass
and I too return to task
a new day
at play.

My pen is my sword
and my strokes are broad
to cut away
at death and decay
the ink is the blood
that I have shed
my thoughts so real
you have read
to allow you to feel
my pain instead.

I write what I know
not for show
or to impress
I invest
my heart and soul
into every line and verse
my agony is real
every word I feel
or have felt
for this deal
I have been dealt
not aces
but deuces
yet I still reduce this
to a single atom
how can you fathom
this much pain
the mental strain
that it takes
from the moment I wake
till my last breath intake
I forsake all happiness
for the sake of anything less
then victory.

Do your ears deceive
or your eyes what you read
I will do anything to succeed
I was born battle ready
my arm grapple steady
for my life’s course
was already set
as my life force
is not easily met
no sat-nav needed
or teachers heeded
for I have featured
in so many battles
and always succeeded
could you take a fatal blow
to your temporal lobe
without being K.O'ed?
'cause I'm still walking
fighting fear with fear
still grinning ear to ear
I have no equal or even peer.

Oh what a beautiful day
bathed in golden sun rays
my problems are carried on a gentle breeze
as if blown like cobwebs by a sneeze
so far away.

I can feel the sunlight penetrate the dark recesses of my soul
for yesterday's sorrow
has been banished to tomorrow
no longer hacked to death
by Winter's breath
or torn to shreds
by the thought's in my head
I need only embrace
standing face to face
with the sun
in front of everyone.

I just smile
like every other man, woman and child
with warm greetings
in the outside heating
I finally feel accepted
part of the family
no need to be hectic
for my anxieties are a distant memory
so far away
on such a beautiful day.

I caught you browsing books
like you could ever be caught
for I would dangle my hook
but the line was too short.

A salmon swimming down river
such a beautiful fish
you said you were a singer
to catch you would be my wish.

But I would throw you back
because you don't belong with me
it's great to admire beauty
but all fish belong to the sea.

I hear the rain outside my window
which is strangely reassuring
that even though the wind blows
I am completely secure in
safely behind a pane of glass
it's similar to how I view the world
hidden behind this here mask
but maybe I should open the window?
- and stick my head outside
to be free and let it out, you know?
- the tears the rain can hide
what use is storing up these troubles?
- saving them for a rainy day
peace of mind should be above all
which is why I urge you to pray
but don't worry this isn't a sermon
I'm only asking you to feel the rain
then you can embrace your demons
rather than hiding behind the pain.

It all starts with conception
to give your life direction
for what you conceive
and your mind believes
you will achieve.

It will take practice and dedication
not lackless education
but once you make that decision and commitment
you will envision your achievement
as if you were already at your destination
all the way from creation to Revelations.

A runner does not win marathons on the track
but in his mind this is a fact
that you may find
logically impossible
and yet completely plausible
if you think you will fail
you will sink and bail
but if you dream of victory
it will mean you succeed.

Confidence is an illusion
a shield of protection
which brings us back to conception
we are only as strong as our beliefs
and are only motivated by our needs
be it love or greed
or God we heed
all you have to do is believe.

Remember we are all created equal
for we are all God's people
so play your strengths
don't relent
in chasing your dreams
for he who takes part
already wins.

I want you to know
that I still care
even though
I despair
and my heavy heart
it's still beating
from the outskirts
where life is fleeting
I still hold on
to my sanity
but I don't belong
with gravity
let me float upon clouds
let me soar in the sky
yet still my heart pounds
and I don't know why
why I'm still here
to be used like a lover
but riddled with fear
still yet to discover
for it to become clear
tell me your secrets
that I will hold dear
fill me with regrets
in exchange for my heart
let time forget
the things that have passed.

I am a black dot on a piece of paper
a single mark within the infinite
you have already erased her
all that’s left is sin and dirt
this skin does hurt
the pain is real
it’s a slow boring
that’s reduced me to kneel
my words are boring
but I continue to write still
maybe I will find the answers
somewhere between the lines
if only I could have asked her
instead, we only drew knives
to cut away at each other’s flesh
to reveal the emptiness inside
now her surname is death
and I’ve run out of places to hide
so slip your ring upon my finger
let my breath taste like winter
for I am just a black dot
a single mark
what you forgot
left in the dark
a tired writer
she had all the strength
I am nothing like her
I can’t even repent
I know I was meant to learn
from all my mistakes
but all I do is burn
amidst all that is fake
I can’t change the world
I couldn’t even change her heart
just a stupid boy that loved a girl
now a black dot a single mark.

Our birthplace is the heavens
we were born in the stars
from the tiny atoms
we became what we are.

How beautiful our complexity
how wonderfully made
how intrinsic our simplicity
how slowly we fade.

Watch us race across the skyline
watch us burn so bright
watch it records time
as we count down the light.

How many moons will pass
till we return to stardust
I'm too afraid to ask
yet return we still must.

For we are the universe
the Earth, Sun and Moon
everything will eventually pass
as soldiers die at noon.

*Eye for an eye
ashes to ashes
why do we cry?
everything passes
passes us by..
passengers of life...

I have a box
of socks
but singles
not pairs
who cares?
- for the lost and lonely
I do
I kept you
close to heart
in a box
my socks
I wore you once
or twice
or more
before
you saw
the light
no more.
I tried to pair
you off
at what cost
to end up in a drawer.
I swore
I still cared
for singles
as well as pairs
but in a box
my socks
remain
the lost
the slain
some souls
have holes
that can't
be darned
once love
is lost
and spurned
we hide
our hearts
inside
a box
like socks
discarded.
For who cares
for socks
without pairs?
I do.

I try to put on a brave face
like that of a mountain
yet even it can be displaced
by a mustard grain of faith.

So why am I still climbing
this imaginary ladder
when I should be flying
upon divine wings.

Trying to reach that untold treasure
within your chest
I lost the map
and never had the key
I forgot the facts
like you forgot me.

When you no longer wanted me
even though you're all I could see
I have to leave
just so that I can breathe
catch my breath
and gather the pieces which are left.

She asks me to forget about the past,
because all things have passed.
I ask her to not talk about the future,
because I don't want to loose her.
So here we are our imperfect little bubble.

I've written so many words
but never found the right ones
to pen how special you were
now they no longer spill from my tongue
as I have been rendered mute
to know there will be no more sun
and the hearts have all changed suit.

This final verse hangs on deaths ears
like autumn leaves that fall
what remains now are the tears
and these words penned by a fool
I tried my best to appreciate
but Cupids bow was drawn too late
now this heart has become a *****
to dig its own shallow grave
at least they will lie together
and rue fates final endeavour.

I am both chaos and order
as I build with bricks and mortar
my fears fade and I grow taller
for I have faced chaos
now I embrace order
but one means nothing without the other
as love means nothing without a lover
so you begin to hate instead of trying to discover
that you need both to have balance
for without peace you have violence
and without sound we have silence
accept all without judgement
don't dismiss show encouragement
turn the other cheek
show them you're strong and not weak
that they're wrong when they speak
as you can't both be right
so let them be left behind
as you walk out of sight.

If I were a cloud drifting through space
I would never feel scared or out of place
I would float for days high in the sky
I would never need to question why
the sun would shine bright and I would glow
for all people to see far below
and when the rain came I wouldn't care
as it was tears of joy I tried to share.

When all I receive is silence
when I no longer read your words
when I can't hear your voice
I can only fear the worst
when I'm no longer important
when I'm still not wanted
when my messages go unanswered
a seed of doubt is planted.

I used to be number one
but now I'm too far gone
Do you still feel the same?
Can you even remember my name?
The words you do not say
used to tell me so much
but now they mean go away
now it's please don't touch
leave me to my resting place
I no longer want to look upon your face.

I know you have your reasons
yet the heart endures many seasons
be it spring or summer
now it's past autumn into winter
so cold without the glow you give
so hard for me to live
your winters breath
is all I have left
another cold silent night
without you by my side
I wait steadfast like a tree
for you to stand beneath my canopy.

If you keep completely still
you may never connect
experience something real
or have some effect.

I try and keep my distance
from each and every one
but they still show persistence
still need me to have their fun.

I would rather sit alone
without companion by my side
still trying to atone
and still trying to hide.

Lost in my own world
my shattered dream
lying in a ball curled
only caring for my needs.

No grasp of reality
no universe of my own
still looking for some clarity
so I can say I've grown.

This poem was written to help others
for all my fellow sufferers
remember that in the darkest gloom
set inside your four walled room
will only last mere moments
it will all be over soon.

Remember all the good times
and why you are alive
this is what I have to do
just to survive.

What doesn't **** you makes you stronger
to live your life a little longer
as you grow older you also grow fonder
of this soul you were born under.

Now as the pain subsides
and the cloud slowly edges away
I think to myself I'm glad
I lived to see another day.

My brain is telling me I have to do what's right
but my heart always says don't give up on this fight
my feelings ever present
even though my frustration vents
there's so much I want to say to you
but I have so little words
instead I write poems that are true
and plant it in a verse
hoping you will read between the lines
in-between the quips and the rhymes
as they all stem from the heart
each and every single part.

Good or bad
happy or sad
I keep writing
keep wishing
keep praying
that it will help my cause
or else I'm at a loss
not just for words
but for hope.

As its the only thing left
all else is bereft
for fate is a thief committing theft
stealing anything good in my life
as he plunges in the knife
but you will realise I'm already severed
for I have already weathered
so much more
I'm already damaged to the core
already bled from every pore
this is a walk in the park
I'm used to these feelings so dark
this insurmountable hill
the unswallowable pill
the unbreakable deal
that's made on my behalf
caught within sins grasp
an hereditary weakness
the insidious bleakness.

How I yearn for your soft caress
for anything else I couldn't care less
you are my universe
written about in every verse
from the beginning to the very last
Has time really travelled this fast?
Did we have to part ways?
Couldn't our love be saved?
I won't give in
nor rest
till I'm free from sin
and this conflict of interest.

The world crumbles beneath my feet
cracks in the pavement appear so deep
as I hop across these stepping stones
trying to find my way home
Dorothy lost in Oz
I'm lost just because
because I was
and now I'm not
not that wide eyed boy
walking along cracks
now they try to swallow me
please don't follow me
trace my footsteps
because I'm not perfect
I fell in the cracks
try to fill in the gaps
so no one else falls in
falling..
falling in...
failing in love....
flailing in life.....

Have you seen a turtle on its back?
a bird with a broken wing?
I'm no Gömböc
and I can't swim
not in waters this deep
a speck on the ocean
I can't fall asleep
or else I will start to drown
trying to just stay afloat
upon my lifeboat of hope.

Water or earth?
above or below?
death or birth?
deep or shallow?
It doesn't matter
if its this or the latter
everything is illusionary
like the elusive blue fairy
do we die if we don't believe?
can we fly if we conceive?
to leave our bodies at night
and take to the sky in flight
allowing our souls to soar
like fireflies lit from the core
but our very essence has been tethered
by the one almighty Shepherd
to these bodies made of clay
till sins wage we do pay
then we too can join the flock
like every other lost sock.

My names Derek
I'm a zombie
meet my friend Eric
he's also like me
a walking corpse
dead behind the eyes
we met at the shops
surrounded by flies.

Where the dead meet
by the frozen food isles
looking for our pound of flesh
blood splattered on the tiles
mmmmmm so delish!
empty stands
just frozen fish
we use our hands.

Nothing can quench our hunger
or satisfy our desires
not the fishmonger
or the burning tires
for this is anarchy
as we feed
gone is our sanity
so watch us bleeeeed
we are all zombies!

As light dwindles into thin air
night brings with it only despair
the weight of life came crashing down
answers which I haven’t found
yet crazy thoughts still surround
life has again withdrawn its spark
all its left me is the dark
no one can hear my silent cries
hidden behind smiles and lies.

Please help me from this black hole
help me save my mortal soul
my thoughts are filled with confusion
such emptiness and delusion
rescue me from this pit of depression
relieve me from my fatal obsession.

Now as I wait in the hall
it stands behind me eight foot tall
a nameless shadow on the wall
death beckons me and whispers, "come!"
but I try to tell him I'm not done
I'm still strong surviving here
trying to get through another year
without the sadness, without the fear
he looks me dead in the eye
and tells me to say goodbye
to everything I've ever known
to leave my life all alone.

Just as my gaze starts to fixate
a mist of haze emanates
a crack of light as dawn breaks
through the curtains drawn so tight
looks like I won the fight
from my nightmare I awake
no more sweats, no more shakes
yes another night I survive
awake now, still alive.