You did not know but I hope someday you'll know

The thoughts running in my mind,
the feelings inside my heart

As your sparkling eyes, your genuine smile, your unique personality, your amazing capabilities became my weakness
I started to contemplate whether to tell you this:

I already fell for your heart and soul,
Yet I do not demand for you to feel the same way, too
I just want you to be aware
These feelings that burdens me, the pain I could no longer bear.

It is the only thing I hope to happen
To lighten this heavy load of thoughts that I carry since then

I badly want you to know
not now, not this very moment
but someday, somehow

You make me happy
But I know that we could never be

You brought me to a place
I could never find the best exit way

I knew I have a selfish heart
Because I wanted to keep this to myself
and at the same time tell you everything that I felt

So I settle for less,
*Just because you did not know,
But I sincerely hope that someday you'll do.

Was I in your heart when you found this girl?
Searching for treasure like the thief you are.
Is she the diamond while I am the pearl,
Choosing her like she's your precious north star.
Unfaithful love, is that your final choice?
Wasn't loving me part of the option?
Did your decision even hear my voice?
This proves your true love is half a portion.
You look at her with the same eyes I knew,
Our dreaded old past I swear not to tell.
Burning the memory of your "I love you",
Even the time when I loved you and fell.
I was not surprised when you could not stay,
But tears of love flooded me to this day.

There are different people
living in
one soul.
They know they
need to share
if they want to live their
separate
lives
but
they all still have one of their own.
One.
can't stop breaking her heart.
Two.
can't feel empathy or pain.
Three.
can't deal with reality.
Four.
thinks we're all insane.
Sometimes
they battle
for dominance.
There are some
I know will always lose.
There are ones
that would perish without the
other.
There are some
that never cease their fire.
and others
that drift about unknown.
Five.
Thinks nobody else can judge her.
Six.
Thinks she's suffering alone.
Seven.
Is afraid of society,
and she needs Five
because she's brittle as bone.
Eight.
knows she's ******* crazy
and that she'll
never
be
left
alone.

I’m stuck inside somebody else’s head
I don’t know who she’s supposed to be.
It’s like we’re one single body
With two different personalities
I swear sometimes neither one can breathe.

Her face is smiling but I feel her soul dying
She’s begging me to finally set her free.
But she’s the face meant for society
The one everybody loves to meet.
The one I really want to be.

I’m the one always hiding
Behind hallow eyes always lying

Saying “I’m ok”

-ARI