How does one go on after a suicide?
How does one continue knowing someone they loved wanted to end their life?
How can someone  stand there and lie while they lay in their coffin:
"I will miss her"
When you never knew her to begin with?

What was her favorite coffee creamer?
How well did she sleep at night?
Who was her first love?
Who was her last heartbreak?
How many bones has she broken?
How many tears did she cry over him?

See, you didn't know her. So why would you cry at the sound of her suicide?
You didn't know her like I did.

Her favorite coffee creamer was peppermint mocha.
She never slept at night.
Her first love was the one she wanted.
Her last heartbreak was the one she craved.
She had broken no bones.
She cried enough to fill the ocean over him.

See, I knew her.
You?
You pretended to for the sympathy.

I poured my heart out
Soaked to my soul with sincerity
Wasting words on deaf ears
Connected to a heart devoid of pity

With incredible fortune
I looked at my hands;
Armed I was with golden bravery.
Enough to conquer lands!

And my adversary was but a man.

Tell me why you drink your coffee plain back
Why you have no problem eating a lemon raw
Why you love gin and tonic so much
Or
Why it takes your all to give a simple hug
Why you quickly change the subject when it starts to get sad
Why you never show any sympathy

Is it because all of the things you once loved in life turned into a tragedy

Leaving you lonesome and bitter

Show me your wounds
The blood at your feet
The fear in your eyes
The scars cut in deep.
Scream your pain at me
Tear your lungs in despair
Lose your voice in the world
Leaving you without at care.
Fall to your knees
Smash your fist to the ground
Gravels digs into your knuckles
A familiar taste you have found.
Rain pours from the sky
Eternal clouds of gray overhead
You feel no cleansing in its touch
You're simply washing away with the dead.
Look to your side
Turn your eyes so to see
You're not in this alone
You will always have me.
See the bloodstains on my clothes
The scars cut in deep
The tears in my eyes
The pain that I keep.
I'll wash away with you
I'll share in your pain
I'll carry your burdens
I'm here to stay.
Share with me your struggles
Share with me your suffering
I want the cross that you carry
I want you, entirely.

I saw a clear black line
the other day
It was as grim as their pale faces
their blank expressions
reflected the missing person
the one whose story as met its end

I stood there across from their tears
and wondered, to what caliber of sympathy
does my heart ally with theirs

Their shoes were too black to fit
their faces where too apathetic to confront

It was black in all sense of the color
it was grim, even nature felt the emptiness
I stood there, I noticed
that humans and their emotions
are as distinguished
as their features

Sympathy is just a term
coined to soothe to comfort
but never truly felt
for my heart
will
never be like yours
nor
yours like
mine

Are those parts of my folly?
Those words that I carve to end up with a poesy
I love my hobby in a way that it's kicky
In a sense that in this world, I am free

That a pauper can be a hero daily
For in reality, those events happen in paucity
But it's my wish that this occurrence will not be of perpetuity
For most of the poor possessed a heart of humbly

But really, of most battle poor can hardly get the victory
But it's always to them belongs my sympathy
That If only I got the key to end up their poverty
I will not think twice, simply I'll set them free...

Written: June 30, 2001 @ 8:12 am

Mysterious Aries

Demons with purity, Angels with Sin,
Benevolence truly shines from within.
Judge those who are not shrouded with darkness,
For they have experienced pain and emptiness.
Open your arms and share with them your light, and one day you may just end their fright.*

❥

The breath in my chest
Scraped against my esophagus
As the preacher read his
Introductory scripture and a
Mourning loved one doubled over
In grief and despair as she
Struggled to bid adieu;

The hairs on the back of my neck
Stood horizontally and
Perpendicular to my concrete floor
As I heard the sweetest soul I know
Choke on her sobs on the
Other end of the receiver,
As she struggled to understand
The onset of pain and finality
She was forced to swallow;

My stomach hollowed and
Acidic anger bubbled and carved out my insides
When I read my best friend's texts,
A series of words
That seemed too cruel to be true,
A riffraff of  interrogatories and
Unsettled punctuation,
Summarizing the momentary suspension
Of her resiliency
As she processed the
Breaking of her heart;

And now I lay motionless
On my mattress,
Hot tears masquerading behind my
Tightened eyelids as I writhe in
Empathy,
Alone in my incapability
To end the pains and the woes of
Those around me,
As my body thus must then grieve
For me.