Guillotine, guillotine
Metal in the sunshine gleam
Touching with the dirt
Touching toes with the folk

I'm a bird, I guess
Gluttony
but with wings!

I'm ascended, I suppose
All alone
no one

to tell me if I'm wrong!

Guillotine, guillotine
Metal in the sunshine gleam
Touching with the dirt
Touching toes with the folk

It's my joke on you
Ascended
from your things!

All alone no
one

to tell me if I'm wrong!

Pull back the covers,
Turn off the lights,
Close your eyes
Don't make a fuss.
Let the night take you,
Leave your body behind,
Take a deep breath...

Now open your eyes.

Do you see anything?
Can you feel?
Are you alone?

Look around, take a second
Let the darkness set.
There is something there,
Far off in the distance...
Is it a person or a thing?

I can't walk closer,
I can't seem to move...
I'm stuck where I am...

Is it my fault?
Am I the one to blame?
I'm left here alone,
No one can hear my screams...
I beg for help, mercy, salvation...


No one comes looking for me,
Does anyone miss me?
Will anyone remember me?

The darkness gets deeper,
I can't see in front of me.
I can't feel my limbs,
Its getting hard to breathe.

Maybe if I close my eyes,
Stand still....
It'll be over soon.

There's nothing left,
I am no more...

Did I ever exist?
Was this ever real?

(photo session baby picture)
Serious                                                 ­                                                          
somber
no smile

Come on, child
I don't have all day
What's wrong with you

Oh go ahead
take one anyway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(early school years)
Serious face
somber
no smile

speak up, Child
no tales to tell?
of schoolyard adventures
games to be won?
you're so quiet...
what's wrong with you
cat got your tongue?

sad little face
tears running down
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(high school)
Serious face
somber
no smile

rattling papers
quivering lips
how long did this speech have to be?
knees won't stop trembling
how long can one take this misery?
can't see for tears forming

hot burning face
crippling disgrace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(meeting)
quiet
tentative: "I have an idea
I'd like to present..."

loud
dismissive
oh let's move on
that won't work

("why did I bother to come?
I feel like a ****")

burning eyes
lip silently bit
don't let the tears slip

Fantasizing everyone
Sexualizing everyone
And why?

I am alone

Fantasizing everyone
Sexualizing everyone
Again.

I'm alone
And I

Devote myself to life as if to keep
The stars promised of our destiny
Safe and strong and confronting
Their mirrors with the proper self applause

Alone.

I contain a fire, the raging heat
The signal pyre, Autumn and the Spring
For heat, I chill with my demeanor
For cold, I prefer to warm your
Goosebumps with my open mouth
If permitted take the walkabout
To linger with my fingers down your leg
If permitted, take the hidden way
To kiss your heart and light your path
With the source of all your worry
Nurtured between my lips

Fantasizing everyone
Sexualizing everyone
And why?

What connectivity is left to crave?

The men who back their friends
Into corners after arranging
Clandestine ******* after
Clearing out the place to have their way

The men who stand with ****
In hand, pathetic and commanding
Limp of love, and targeting
The the light they view as weak

I was made just for that
Assembled in a factory
As an indentured guide
To lead to the promised land

They drew up my design
Schematic with *******
And motherly empathy
Perfect for abuse
And a ***** perfect
For dysphoria
For when I learn to love myself
It reminds me I'm
Armed with alarm
And filled with the fluid
The learned are simply right to hate

Alone.

A hope, so bittersweet.
The passage of time, so palpable.
A bed sheet drapes over man's shoulders;
People die but time goes on.
Somber house
Lingering soul
"Who we are; where we go?"

Ethereal.

It rains when it’s over
Not just outside, but in
Making a puddle
In the hole
That was once me

Lest I forget
                   The worlds from which I came

Throw me in thy brig
              Whilst the waves cast me shame

                             Am not I the keeper of my mind?
                   The mind inside my head

     Lest I forget
             The worlds from which I came

Depression is a blanket,
A place to rest my head.
It hurts when I am somber,
But won't hurt when I am dead.