so now
as another year brings me to
brand new oppotunities
please just please
if im happy
leave me be
keep me away from our toxicity
you are my 2017
from the words my heart has spilled
from the letters youll never read
you filled a year
have me wrapped in your little finger
and i guess that should be enough
for someone like you
so please
give me another chance to start anew
to be with someone
thats not you.

if you'd let me pick you up again
whenever you're feeling down
i'd do it repeatedly, all the same
until I'm sure you're safe and sound

I sit and stare at the sun.
We walk different paths,
live life different ways.
The same sun sets at
disparate corners of the world,
yet it never felt the same.

I fear not remembering feeling everything alive.
So I run my hands through the records –
I took these photos for the future,
I cling to the sunset like my past.
Surely days like these were meant to last.

Somewhere in a distant twilight
You can find me on a rooftop
Perched like a bird without a home
Although I won't be singing
Instead, just reminiscing

Conversations in your bedroom
Those nights have come to pass
Now he fills that space beside you
Hope at last defines you

Nicotine whispers to my brain
As I resist the thought of your name
In cold moonlight I remain
Mind led back to distant days

My masonry perch becomes so lonesome
Twinkling stars my only console
In this dark, I do not sing
For my heart only beats when reminiscing

Here's what I'll collect of us:
1. Your hand holding my nine year old one,
2. small and uncertain
3. small and growing
4. You waking up before the rest of the world
5. The sound of you raking fallen brittle palm fronds and leaves
6. Feeding the dogs
7. Turning the cornmeal for them in the massive ***
8. Your rare smiles
9. The smell of Old Spice
10. Filling the shopping cart with whatever I wanted
11. My too-tiny hands clasping about the cart and pushing it along with you
12. Us scouring the aisles for Eggo's waffles and my favorite brand of banana chips
13. My nine year old self sitting on your lap while you dozed off
14. Our conversations about politics and the current state of the world
15. Our long conversations
16. Our long conversations about your youth
17. Me hearing your story about how you cared for yourself from 15 years old for the 105th time
18. Me never getting tired of hearing about that story
19. Your rare smiles reaching your eyes
20. The softness of your hair as I stroke your head now
21. Sitting by your bedside and being comforted by your soft breath as you sleep
22. Sitting by your bedside remembering my childhood with you
23. The long summers in your house with grandma and my cousin
24. The long summers in your house on the island
25. The long summers back home--back in your home country
26. Your hand holding my nine year old one,
27. small and uncertain
28. small and growing
29. You waking up before the rest of the world
30. You going to sleep after everyone else
31. Your hand holding mine.
32.   Your breath.
33.   The softness and steadiness of your breath.