Since Tuesday night I've felt a bit rubbish.
A negative energy feeling about the situation.
You no doubt think badly of me and I totally get that.
I didn't intend to be dishonest or morally ambiguous.
I wasn't even initially attracted to you.
But then you evoked an interest.
I liked your humour, your bluntness, confidence and when you told me little details about you.
You turned me on. You turn me on.
I wanted to know more.
You excited me and I enjoyed it. I became attracted to you.
I admit, I never discouraged you.
You never asked me personal details and didn't divulge your own.
I assumed that was because you were just having fun, which was fine.
So was I.
I'd never done this before.
Online with someone I've never met, it's all new to me.
Attraction is a strange thing.
Maybe I'm unsatisfied, fed up or stagnant with where I'm at.
Maybe things happen for a reason.
I don't know.
Who says what socially acceptable limitations are.
I want you to know though, I didn't mean to deceive you.
I actually wanted you to know but I wasn't sure you were interested in knowing.
I don't want to be a freak and make a dramatic deal over it when you probably couldn't care less.
I don't like the thought of making you feel crap about it though.
So I wrote something down. I guess trying to explain. Didn't want to fire it off at an inappropriate moment or you may not want to hear it at all.
Which is fine.
I'm not going to search high and low for the right words and flow
I'm simply going to say, how I'm going to play
I can't be bothered with euphemism today
I'm looking at your body and face
Aroused in the right place
You get in to my body and head
It's how you take me off to bed
I close my eyes and bite my thumb
Thinking of the journey I'm on
My thighs tense controlled
As my hips slowly roll
The vibration between my legs
More and more intense
Back and forth
Body in battle
Of holding on
Or giving in
No longer desire
A passionate fire
But I chose to burn
Let it all return
Craving more than what we've got
A desire burns and it burns a lot
I'm not speaking monetary
I know the answer is in me
How can I affect humanity
Save the children from the horror of war
Stop the bullets that take animals to the floor
Feed the homeless and the poor
End our planets suffering core
I'm a dreamer,
But they are dreams of love
If only peace would fly
Like the dove
If only our priority was kindness
And life was priceless
If only we took what we need
Instead of being governed by greed
Take, take, take, and when it comes to giving back
Generosity seriously lacks
It's not my problem
We have nothing in common
It doesn't affect me
So just let it be
It's not my family,
Nor my community
It's not my country,
So it doesn't bother me
It's not my ocean
So continue to fill it full of poisonous potion
They're not my animals,
Who cares if they go extinct
I'll breath in toxic air
So long as it doesn't stink
And you're complicit to all these things
For the outcome that it WILL bring
You must understand
I'm feeling this way
And struggling to translate
It through my hand and on to paper
My body is more alive than it's ever known
Or being slowly tortured
I don't know
I burn from the inside out
Like a raging forest fire
I will burn until I destroy myself
She sins in secret
She kept him on the side, for late night texts and phone sex
She kept the other in her bed, a security blanket where others would never make it
But you, she kept in her mind, got butterflies whenever you replied
She takes herself to bed, letting lust consume her head
She sins in secret