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girl diffused Nov 2021
Do you ever just pine for someone?
The way they smile while talking to a loved one
That bright and easy laugh, the gleam in their eye, the knowing...the realization that you're watching them enjoy themselves from across the room

Or maybe you're just a spectral spectator
Flipping through photo albums, looking through photos that are a permanent snapshot
A moment in time
A second
A few minutes
Of them smiling among a gathering of friends

They're so happy, they're so brightened and unassuming in their youthful zeal
You can hear the bursts of laughter
The peals of it
Disjointed conversations among friends
Maybe one or two have passed on
Maybe they just lost touch with them

But you look at them now
All the same
You really look at them
You realize that they've changed so much from the person they were in those pictures

No more bright laughter
No more infectious smiles
No more disjointed conversations with gatherings of friends
No more college bar hopping
No more wandering the backstreets of Venice at night
Or Rome
Or Britain
Or Germany
No more spontaneous traveling

The light is dim now in their eyes
It's like the bulb inside of them has burned out

So...
You pine for them, for the person that they were yesterday, & days before, & years before you
entered their life

After your arrival, came a burial

Somewhere along the way
With the unspoken hurt
& unprocessed trauma
They died

And so ...
You grieve
N/***
girl diffused Oct 2021
Hello old friend,
With your tall sweeping evergreens
Towering almost endlessly
Into a blue clear sky
The endless swell of traffic
Cars peeling down the street
The smell of roasted coffee beans
From some hole-in-the-wall cafe
The obvious transplant donning an umbrella in the Autumnal warm rain
The light sprinkling of water enough
To nurture the verdant green

Hello old friend,
Mt. Rainier, she greets me,
Looming ever majestically
Over expanses of tree and road
Her white peaks cresting over
Fields of blossoming flowers
The tulip fields scattered across the sloping
Skagit Valley, her vineyards spanning for miles and miles

Hello old friend,
Seattle's grungy nature
Masked by her streets of trendy
Cafes and farm-to-table restaurants
Her mom and pop cafes
Her canvas gray dress marred by graffiti
And street tags
The busker on the street corner panhandling for change
The homeless sheltering under a cardboard blanket outside of a Starbuck's
The transplant with the umbrella stopping down to drop change in their jar
The crumpled dollar
The locals who pointedly ignore him on their way to work, to school, back home, to somewhere...anywhere...
The constant dazed bustle
The stench and pungent odor of ****
Curling around every seedy corner and
Affluent street crossing

Hello old friend,
It's been a while
Let me nestle into your newness
A new coast greets me across the horizon
Replaced by homespun everything
Pastoral fields where the bovine and equine reside

Hello old friend,
I suppose you're home now
I suppose you're home...
A/N: I moved to Washington State. I secured an apartment and new employment is in the hangar. A lot of...new everything. I shoddily put this together and I feel as if it regrettably shows.

Well, I hope you find some solace in the awkward virginal writing. Moving strips away everything that's routine and gives you a blank slab of concrete with which to make your mark. I suppose then...the writing was unintentionally intentional in its awkwardness.
girl diffused Feb 2020
You treat me like Aphrodite
Venusian goddess rising
Pearled milky foam
Like clotted cream speckling my dark skin

We tumble 'cross the bedsheets
Hair pooling around me
Tasting each other
Briny saltwater and Earth
Mingling sweat and it-has-been-far-too-long kisses

And I shall never claim another lover
As I have claimed you
And I shall never mount another man
With as much reckless, unbridled
Abandoning as I have you

You treat me like Aphrodite
Shield me from rain
With your oversized coat
Smelling of clean leather and lingering petrichor

You drink from me as if
You were Bacchus
Drunk off my honeyed lips
Like it was fragrant wine

Drink, my love
Drink and be merry
Lay your head on my lap
Let me run my fingers through your
Sunflower-streaked curls
Let me kiss love and loyalty
Into your mouth
Let it be a contract

Love me like Aphrodite
A/n: it's been a while. I've been rusty and out of touch. A lot has happened. I was heartbroken. Now I'm in love. Have been so for a year and a half. This post is about him, my current lover. I don't think words could adequately express our chemistry and mutual devotion. He's saved me.
girl diffused Feb 2019
when you sing,
you want it to bloom out of the garden
in your bones and out of your heart,
and you want it to be like
you were thirteen again and you had blooming
sunshine in your face

you scaled trees, climbed rocks
skinned your knees
wild and as brazen as the first kiss you
stole from some girl
spattered freckles on her face
you counted with your lips
(you got to 14)

erected a monument
out of your garden but it was bare
your bones,
dried husks

who can pull you out of that water?
i can't...
neither can she...
a/n: an older piece that i performed some minor surgery on. i originally composed it two years ago on this day. it's not about me. this is about anyone struggling to love who doesn't adequately know how to. this is a plea. a question. a silent wondering. it's been a while. <3

enjoy
xoxo
girl diffused Aug 2018
Today
(my darling)
You fed me
Shards of glass
(said "open wide")
And apologized for cutting my mouth open.
A/N: a new format after a fresh 12-hour heartbreak all over again.
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