Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me. Cause right now, I fell like crying, but I don't know what for. Probably, deep down there is a reason. Their can not be reason for the salty waters that fall from my eyes.

I have a reason I just don't know what it is. I guess I'll find out in the near future, what the reason's are and the lies that hide behind them.

don't move
don't make a sound
don't try to set this apart
as the river flows
I will try to be alone
not even like this,
not even him
will keep me apart from wanting to be me
again.

I wrote a story today
about something I felt that was anything but real
but actually
there was nothing underneath
I thought for once
everything we had was already dead
I know I have nothing to apologize for
but hey,
we all do things
we don't necessarily have to do
or we don't have any reasons to do it anyway

I'm a realist.
He's a dreamer.
He wants to run away.
I'd say okay.
I'd have to earn first.
He will be okay.

I'm an abuser.
He's a lover.
He wants to make love.
I'd say alright.
But first, I'd chide him.
He will be alright.

I'm a recluse.
He's a free spirit.

He's everything I am not.
I am everything he's not.

<He doesn't look a thing like Jesus..." Music plays in the background>

That's all.
I just love him.

- Doey

Why is the world a sad place?
Why is it not worth living in?
Why is it that we a forced to fantasize about a magical place?
Why is it that we are even existing?

Why?
This is a question
that does not have an answer.
And we shall forever wonder
why we must always wander.

But the questions
We don't know the answers to
Are the questions
Which matter the most
And something that matters
Sits at our backs like a host
******* away our emotions and awareness
Taking away our souls,
Strangling our throat with an invisible harness,
Dragging us like an animal,
Away from our goals.

And so we try
to make ourselves feel
something that can be controlled;
We bleed, we cry, we burn
Or maybe we don't want to feel at all
and we fill our lives with smoke
and illusions
Or maybe
we just decide to go
and end it all
And never say goodbye.

It is a sickness
Not to ask the question "Why?"
Because since childhood,
All I ever did after asking was sigh
Because no one would talk
No one would listen
No one would speak
And still my eyes would glisten,
Eager to know: Why?

Why is the world so scattered?
Like pieces of broken glass,
We're shattered
We are taught to live like this
Since the time we were born
We are taught to live like this
Till the time our hearts are worn.

I just want to know: Why?

Why?

I want to know
But since there is no answer to "Why"
I can't tell, so,
I would just sit back
And silently cry.

i read an excerpt once
that if you read something
over and over
it loses its essence

pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty
pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty
pretty pretty pretty
pretty pretty
pretty
it becomes meaningless.

you do the same things
again and again and again and again
and again and again and again and
again and again and
again
one day you'll forget why.

loving you
is the only thing i do
every minute,
every second,
over and over again

i'm sorry
if the day would come
that I'd forget the reason why.

but then i realized
there was no why to forget
for there was never even
a why
in the first place.


I take back my apology.



-m.j.a