When we fell asleep video chatting every night for a month
When I cried because you were the first person to make me feel like I wasn’t alone
When you excitedly told me about kissing a girl in a cemetery
When you sent me videos of your dirt bike
When we went cruising and listened to songs from our favourite band
When you tried to teach me how to game
When you told me everything you love about your girlfriend
When you talked about engines and cars with me even though I didn’t understand
When you saw I was feeling bad even at the one place I’m always happy
When you didn’t ask questions when I asked you to get rid of my razors, but instead told me how proud you were
When you held me as I cried, knowing I hate crying in front of people
When you let me fall asleep holding you even though I was cold and wet
When you held my hand when we woke up on the day when everyone had to leave
When you let me hug you a hundred times because you knew how much I’d miss you

When you gave me closeness and friendship and love unlike anything I’d ever known before

When we sat in my porch for 3 hours after fireworks were shot at people during a party, so you could make sure I was okay
When you let me cuddle you even though your friends would give you a hard time
When you told me you’d help me out if anyone ever hurt me
When you took a selfie with me
When you carried me everywhere *** I was tired
When you held my hand going down a steep trail because I couldn’t see and you knew I was scared
When you brought me extra food because you knew I skipped lunch
When you were protective over who I was friends with
When I came over to your house for the first time and we made pizza, gamed, and hung out with your family
When you had you first kiss with me

When you always showed you were protective of me and became the big brother I never had

When you told me you were bi on the first day we met
When you told me that only people you know well or that you like get to know you’re bi
When you cried and told me all your favourite facts and memories of a friend who had betrayed you
When you told me I had a cute nose
When you fell asleep holding my hand
When we hugged eachother after not seeing eachother for a year
When we kissed for the first time
When we kissed more
When you were my date
When you told me I was the only non-celebrity you’d go gay for
When we danced together
When we agreed to have an annual one week relationship

When you were the first girl I loved

When I met these people I never thought we’d get to the point were at now.
I doubt I’ve effected their lives as much as they’ve effected mine but it doesn’t even really matter because I have them and that’s all that matters to me

Mountains watching over
open vein streaming
pushed through from
nowhere.
Creatures singing war songs
sheltering their love.
Secret wind
whistles.
Crumbling avalanche,
at time’s tipping point.
No warning,
just down.
Speck of floating earth rock
spinning forever,
tree seed stretch
in space.
Silencing thunderstorm,
one moment,
to remember life
before.
Roaring fire comfort,
stories of the gods
to guide us
onward.
But the season’s changing
compassion choking
yet good keeps
breathing.
Sweet filling lung intake
scent of the flower,
the hilltop lilly.
The children reveal truth,
adults are hiding
the sunrise
glory.

Take your time beloved,
remember all that we spoke of.
If your heart isn't in it, get out because it isn't love.
We're more than our flesh but when it gets weak it'll start to speak,
tempting us to satisfy it's desires as if it's something we really need.
But you've gotta protect your energy and mind your aura.
For all are not in it to give but only to receive,
leaving you in a lower state which makes it harder to breathe.
That which you possess, keep it high
because not everyone who comes can surf the waves on which you vibe.

I am coming,
For all his stars they turned to shadows.

I am coming,
For all the hurt they gave him.

I am coming,
For all the turmoil they put him through.

I am coming,
For all the demons that ever dared touch him.

I am coming,
To protect my monster.

For all they have put him through...
They have made his life a nightmare.

So I will become theirs.

Not everyone who shows you an ounce

Of attention during your states of vulnerability
,
Where your brokenness has drenched blood into your arteries,

Clogging the bit of hope you had left seeping in an abyss,

Deserves to bask in the taste of your ancestral secrets.

Why weren't you taught the science of the lion and the gazelle,

Where predators seek out the weak and down-trotted,

Just For their leisure?

just because they’ve seen tears shed

And they've caressed the nothingness that
wallows in the pit of your stomach,

does not entitle them to your graces

You must learn when it’s time to protect your peace.
You
must learn when solitude is necessary

Like the light that guides your way
I will protect you and keep you safe
Sheathing your feet from hurting stones
As long as there's breath in me
Till the last mile of the way

Like the star in your darkest night
I will be there in the saddest days
Brightening up your face again
As long as there's a trace of distress
Till the darkness gives way to light

Like the shadow in the nights
I will be with you forever and for always
Staying by your side as the clock ticks
As long as you keep me
Till the last day of eternity

I'm going to cover your heart in bubble wrap,
shout to the universe to never dare to drop it again,
and carry it in my arms
so tight to my chest
that your heart may just merge into one with mine
and we can just beat together.
we'll share a duvet of bubble wrap
and I'll let you pull the whole thing
so it covers you,
and I'll still be warm
from the closeness of our
intertwining arteries
and the silkiest blood we pass between them.
I'll be lathered in your crimson fuel
and call it the race of our love.
I don't think you need to be shielded,
and I know you don't need me to shield you,
but just one layer of bubble wrap
won't hurt anyone,
right?

Like slides across a projector,
Unwanted memories sweep into my mind.
I wish I could go back to before,
Sat cross-legged with my pigtails swinging, listening to the grown ups lessons.
That was all before self-hatred tugged at my heartstrings,
And unworldly voices hissed in my ear that I wasn’t enough,
That I never would be.

The flashbacks are blinding me, they distort the image,
Twisting the reality.
How can a friend do that in the first place?
He was supposed to be my rock, my shelter from the storms inside my head.
I had built myself up knowing that he would be there to keep me strong,
Placing brick by brick around my heart, I deigned to think I was unbreakable.

They said not to throw rocks at greenhouses,
What do we do when the rocks begin hurling themselves at our fragile walls?

I want to grasp at the shards,
Holding my broken pieces so hard my palms drip with blood,
And cut down those who hurt me.
To fight back despite the tears streaming down my face.
I want to use the shards to rip the skin from my bones,
Destroy to create; erase myself to rebuild myself?
I will become stronger, I will never be so vulnerable.

Most of all, I want to rise from the rubble standing tall,
And learn to never again lay my foundations in shakey grounds.
Maybe then, I will have finally understood what the grown ups had taught me all those years before.