your eyes are wild
not everyone could see the crazy in them
the hunger in them
the readiness in them to devour my soul
and the readiness in me to just let you
because you consume my thoughts
you are my only thought

you could run me over with the car which is your words and I would still forgive you
you could leave me, without a trace , come back and cry those fraudulent tears to me and I would still forgive you
one thing I won't forgive is if you peel off the layers of my skin and plunge your claws into my heart and make it bleed
by loving someone else

I can't accept you leaving me
without a heart to fend for myself
leaving me in the wildness that isn't yours

I gave you my best,

I've never travel down for someone when they're down.

I've never comfort someone the way i comfort you.

I've never worried others like how i worried about you.

I've never go this far for someone but for you.

I've never cried for someone so badly just because knowing i did my best but it's not enough.

But you left me because its not enough.

She asked me “Was it painful to die?”

I didn’t say anything.

She asked me again, “was it painful to die?”

I answered “yes, and then nothing but calmness,
But i lived and it was painful again.”

A black snake coiled itself around him last night,
until it rolled him 'round and 'round with his legs kicking
and he nodded off into sleep with his eyes teary and his ribs aching from the fight.
The great serpent eased up around him,
but once more in the day and well into the next night,
it constricted his bones to the point of breaking,
and through the lies and false promises of the reptile
he cried and cursed his life, his birth, his body.

Everyone forgotten me when there's fun but came back running to me for comfort


yet the closer ones promised to be there for me when im down.
Look what've i left? Nothing.

July 14, 2017
Why break a person who’s already at their breaking point? You see, there’s broken pieces of flesh surrounding us. So how long until there’s a phone call? We people rest easily side by side, but the ground has been dug up. We choose to see the light, yet how does one find light when those keep locking spirits in a cave? The sun is stretching but this person is lodged at the bottom of the ocean, and all those cries are just whispers amongst the cold cement.

Far amongst the treacherous lands is a journey to find a white rose fulfilled with loyalty, but they continue to keep running into thick deep cut thorns cutting into the skin of their unfathomable dark secrets. Those secrets are gone and so is the rest of the person. That person will attempt to scream once more into the distance, but the fog has become stronger than the voice they can release, and now they are done, drenched in thick grey smoke unable to breath, choked upon memories, no longer more.

Tis the season of Christmas music
So I decided to check on Pentatonix
Excited to see a new album out
I delve into it a month early
Whenever I hear them singing
I love and appreciate the art
But a part of me craves that one album
Because I know it'll bring me back

It was an interesting point in my life
I loved a girl who loved me and
I asked her dad for his blessing that month
Her homophobic mom invited me to their dinner
I finally felt more accepted
Even though it was super awkward
We were really happy at that point
I honestly don't know what changed
I don't regret it so much as I don't understand

But I do know that Christmastime
Has been extremely difficult ever since
We spent a few weeks at her dads house
In the middle of nowhere
We cut our own Christmas tree and
I bonded with her dad with call of duty
Our sweet kittens played together
And we got a much-needed break from school

It's hard to look back at that time
My heart hurts even though the memories are positive
I miss her a lot sometimes
Mostly because I feel as though
That relationship was unfair to her
I was emotionally unavailable
But I didn't know it
And I know she messed up too but
We both made mistakes in it all
I just sometimes wish I had had
The tools needed to address the problem

I didn't know what was happening
I didn't know what I was feeling
I knew I was unhappy and hurting
But I didn't understand why
I think what's hard about this one
Is that I can retroactively label it all
Unfortunately that doesn't actually match
All of the things that I said back then
I was cruel to her
Because I knew it'd make her let me go
And I needed to be alone and free
But I chose a twisted path to get there
And for that I'm sorry

Walking through the door at night
Awaits a quiet that I've grown tired of
Some days I hope for it to move out
Yet it sits in darkness awaiting my arrival

As I settle in from a long day at work
Candles are lit to keep me company
Pull up a chair to my window
Watch scenarios play out before my eyes

These are the sneak previews of what is to come
Life becoming lonelier as I approach golden years
A painful silence will become my roommate
Such a cruelty sentenced to us with lonely hearts

How excruciatingly painful

The simple act of closure

29 pages of memories,

could-have-beens,

grey promises.



75,003 characters

Of dedication and loyalty meant nothing

and my thoughts bring only

Unshed tears

That chose instead

To mourn the loss of something deep inside

A feeling, a home, the love of a family promised

Long long ago in vain

Now forgotten.



It's better this way,

It's okay.



Eyes may twitch

One may burn, with

Unshead tears

That chose instead

To remember the good

Because it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

It's better this way.

you write letters on my back
as you would with paper
the words
not so fragile
as for my skin to shatter
would be good for you
because the words you wrote
are very true