I want to feel how people who know how to love feel. I want their hearts, the fulfillment when they waited so long for someone who never showed but they just cry. Their hearts always hurt but they don't have the heart to hurt others. They know that everything hurts more at night but they stay up late, anyway. They're in the middle of a war but they don't fight. It's torture, that the hands they hold on to are the hands that waved sideways, fading into untouchable air, telling them goodbye. It's hard, that they think every goodbye deserves another hello.
I don't understand. So i just look up to the sky, wishing, that in my next life, i get to be the one who loves-- the one who doesn't live waiting for someone to love her back.

You were sleeping next to me -
Peacefully.
The quietness that surrounds the room,
is the most perfect moment.
The only sound that I could hear,
are sound of you breathing.
As I've stared with your angelic face,
There's no doubt that I'm honestly falling.
Falling more deeply into you.
Not just by how your lips moves by the way you talk,
Not just by how your hips sways by the way you walk,
Not just by how your perfect eyes - stared deeply to me.
Or not just by how ***** you smell.
I never imagined I could meet you.
You were just a dream -
That I couldn't predict when will it'll come true.
Until then, please stay.
Hold me and wrap your arms around me.

My cup of tea,
now empty.
sits by me silently,
waits for me
to be up patiently.
As it turned next day
it remains still
the same way.

Next time
Stop me
From loving
Someone who’d
Feed me
Sand instead of
Sugar.

Next time tell me you don’t care.
So I don’t start caring.

Next time push me away before I,
Come close to, you.

Next time won’t be like before.
I’ll rather my heart meet a dagger,
Than go through what I did with you.
I’d wish such rage, such anger
On no man, your presence left an insatiable hunger.

So please, next time we kiss,
Don’t be shy.
Spit your poison into me,
I’m no longer afraid to die.

I want to kiss you
at the end of each night
and the beginning of every day,
I wanna be there so you can see
me smiling at the things you say.

i met karl denke once
had *** with him too

i met him on myspace,
he was the jealous type
and i loved it,
totally made me feel pretty

i met him in person
his mom called and asked him
who was over and if it was anyone important
he said no

i overheard the whole thing,
but karl made sure that i heard it
because he told me his mom had asked him if
i was his new girlfriend
and that he had said no.
then karl told me that he didn't owe me anything.

he also told me i was too tall,
he was used to shorter woman
"a lot shorter", he said

then another girl called,
he looked at the caller id
and said, "uh oh, i can't take this call now,
i'll call her back later"

karl didn't show me his city,
he kept me in his tiny apartment
it was a bachelor's he said
his refrigerator was very *****

when i got home
karl dumped me
because i asked him if he missed me

after i asked him that
he said:

"that's it, we're through"

he dumped me online
as i was listening to an mp3 file
he had just sent me via yahoo instant messenger

the song was "American Woman"
by the Guess Who,
a canadian rock band, formed in winnipeg in 1965

karl had planned the whole thing,
probably around the time he saw
my body wasn't built for *******

about a year after karl dumped
my american kardashian sized ***,
we spoke on the phone about all his new girlfriends.
karl told me my writing was too angry.

karl is doing really good these days,
he posts book reviews on goodreads.com
about books that i think are popular fiction
but am not sure, since i have never heard of them
and almost never read popular fiction.
karl doesn't care if you like his reviews or not.

his mom posted a picture of him and his latest girlfriend,
who will maybe soon be his wife if she isn't already.
she is a lot shorter, and probably isn't american
so she is good enough for him.

can't wait until karl hangs himself.
i hope his mom posts a picture of that
on her facebook page.