I don't hate you.
After all that we went through,
I never hated you.
—I thought I could never hate you.

But then again,
I thought I knew you.

I thought you were that sweet, selfless guy,
the guy that cared about me more than anything,
who said he'd never hurt me.
Who told me he loved me.

But if you really cared about me more than anything,
and loved me as much as you claimed you did,
then you wouldn't have hurt me like you did now.

I wouldn't be sitting here
with tears streaming down my face,
writing these poems to get out the feelings
I otherwise bury inside.

I could never hate the boy I thought you were.
But you're not that boy at all,
at least, not anymore.

I kept waiting;
But it was all pointless.
I was useless;
To think that you won't be leaving.
But you did;
You misled me,
And that's how it ended.

maybe you don't really care at all
indeed, I'm one to blame
end this to forget the fall
lost is myself from all this game

I don’t care if the sun doesn’t rise.
If the snow falls and doesn’t melt
Just be there
The cold crisp air has made our petals fragile.
We will crumble from the slightest touch
Just be there
When there is nothing left
All I ask is to replant my seeds
So I can grow again

The plan was to be independent
I had my goals written down
My priorities were in check
I was going to follow through
And achieve what I had to in the end
But then **** happened
And my ascetic side was left for dead

All my dreams I trapped in a mausoleum
My spurious persona was in the lead
My new ambitions were kaleidoscopic
They were all wants and never needs
Something new always grabbed my attention
Once I had achieved a thing
Slowly but surely I was being drowned
By deceit and greed

And one day I searched myself and could not find me
I did not see the me that was a visionary
I had missed my way and that was clear to see
I was already in the depths of the ocean of sin when it finally dawned on me

At this point even self-love couldn't save me
And self-hatred couldn't change me
Even self-will couldn't revive me
So I found a coping mechanism
To help me live with my atrocities
Under the ocean of sin.

Deception mistaken for protection.
 Oh so naive.
Unwittingly taking fiction as gospel, wholeheartedly, they believe.
The art of lying, simply unable to conceive.

In these formative years, all the elders did was sugarcoat.
 Upon uncovering the truth.
They realize all that they've been fed is poison, slowly, it has been secreted.
 Down their throat.
 Cruelly cheated.
The innocence of youth.

I met a guy and I instantly liked him
He was tall, good looking and imperially slim
His moustache dragged sideways to his cheek
He talked quietly and was infinitely meek

The next day, I went to see him at work
I learnt he had never been there
I thought it was a simple case of bad luck
He had probably meant elsewhere

I set out for his home to find
It was a cute, little bungalow
I saw a little girl peep from behind;
A pretty lady looked through the window

I stood on the empty threshold
Staggering my way out of this jam
Me? When had I gotten to be so bold?
I was now practically "the other woman".

Stop trying to find yourself
And start creating yourself