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it is a meaningless curiosity,
to wonder where you went.
the anonymity of the future
seems to disembody what came
and went.

and i sat, and wept,
and inhaled what your cigarette bled.
there, lonesome, where
two sparks had once met.

a fire so bright that  
dripped kerosene where it stepped,
was put out by time,
and i observed as it crept.

i did spend restless nights,
and i prepare. more will come.
but trust me my dear,
one day you’ll know where i'm truly from.

just as you told me we were,
that there’d be no more “us”
as the sun rose in morn’
and then set off towards dusk.

the light will dismiss,
like the flicker from a chalice,
my skin will thicken
like mountains on an atlas.

and i will rise, and i will tremble,
as my words craft me a temple,
colossal in height, and treacherous in-depth,
where my scripture will live, and in solitude kept.

but you’ll hear, and you’ll listen, and you’ll reflect on my image
as i watch myself glisten, from you and beyond.

on that day, understand my duty as an artist,
and why my memory of you will last.
as the suffering turned to art for my future
will be composed of our distant past.

recently went through a breakup with someone i'm still completely in love with. this poem is about how i'll overcome these feelings of heartbreak and loneliness only to use my suffering for productive and creative art. i mean, what else can you do with pain besides let it consume you for the better or worse?
  Apr 2020 melancholicreator
She flits
Through my mind
And I
Feel her
In my bones
As joints
With a pop.
She rests
Around the edges
Of my mind
And I feel
Her burdens
As I
Reach into
She gazes
Into my eyes
And I
Myself in grey
As breath fills
My body,
Making room
For all
Of what
Could be.
  Apr 2020 melancholicreator
i want to tell you.
i really do.
i'd love to spill my secrets, my issues to you.
yet i can't comprehend it.
i can't communicate it to you.
and the fact you could leave me.
it makes my heart a tearful blue.
you already look at me as if i'm broken.
what do i have to lose?
i want to tell you.
i really do.
yet i can't cope with the fact.
the fact your presence may fade.
vanish without a trace.
except you'd still have that key.
the key that can unlock the darkness in my brain.
this poem is in honour of my teacher who wants me to know that i can talk to him. but it's nearing the end of the year and he may not be my teacher next year. i fear that if i tell him too much i won't be able to cope that next year he might be wandering around with the burden of my thoughts i selfishly put on him without being able to do much to help me. and that i won't be able to connect with another teacher like i have with him. so, in general, this poem isn't really about telling him about my issues. it's about the fact that i might lose his presence in my life and that he's one of the last things that's keeping me sane. this poem is about loss. XD sorry for the mini rant i just needed to get this out there y'know.
there is a man.
he steps into a bar.
it looks as if to
be older than he himself.

eyes flutter to his stained clothes.
he’s composed of
coarse skin,
***** nails,
whiskey for blood,
a head full of Bukowski,
sixty two dollars,
and some change.

only the elements.

he drinks, and drinks, and drinks.
he burps, he yells,
he ****** on the curb,
he curses.
a swig and kick then swing.
and now the
asphalt feels colder than steel.

warmer was the creaking barstool,
heating his soul,
gulp after gulp.

bitter bottom shelf brown.

but he’s determined.
determined to finish it.
and he returns.

nobody in the bar.
he looks out a window.
the streets are empty.
he grabs bottles that are not,
making friends with them.

alone with the barstool.
the tender, emerging from underneath the bar,
fixes another drink.
the man thought he was alone.
the glasses clink.

they drink, and drink, and drink.
alone, but together.

in a drunken haze he sees the drywall melt.
he hears the rumble, the pieces of oak wood
being ripped from their foundations.

the shattered glasses surrounding
the man, forming a barrier between
the outside world and himself he could not understand.

“it’s falling apart, isn't it.”
says the man, accepting.

“why yes, yes it is.”
says the tender, fixing one last drink.

“here’s to misery.”
says the tender, raising his glass up to the man.

“...and here’s to it’s company.”
says the man.

the glasses clink,
he looks out the window again.
he thinks of where he could be right now,
outside he sees marie, the kids,
the front lawn where he’d
drink beer and pretend to like
his neighbors.  

he hears no gulp or groan
from the tender.
the man looks back and sees an empty bar
with nobody there.

he feels the bar collapsing
in on itself, destroying everything within it.
a shame, truly.

no one to bask in this with.

he says, raising his glass of bitter brown in the air.

“ just misery then.”


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the wind didn’t blow the same,
the trees wouldn’t sway during fall
and the longer the day
the more i’d wait in
until it was dark enough for me to
come out and bloom for you,
in the essence of moonlight.

at least i used to bloom,

for you, i mean.

although every gray shade and
every rough water drop told me
not to,
i bloomed for you.

but you never nourished me,
you left me out to die once the
sun came back up and let the city’s
busy feet trample my bright and vivid

i must admit, my colors came from you,
but now i’ve planted my roots somewhere else.

where wind gracefully caresses with kindness,
somewhere the trees dance to the beat of the rain
and where the longer the day
the more time i have to bloom.

even while in the dark, i’m seen now,
for my colors. that’s all i ever really wanted.

from you, i mean.

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{have you realized, my love?
        that you are
                all i breathe,
    all i seek
                up above
in the sky and clouds
            i’ve encountered
    a path
            in absence of
        it leads me
to a vast
        and desolate

    the path is
    by your sweet
innocent scent,
        your blissful energy
    trapped in captivity
            cries out to me,
my love

    my love, you are
            by gold and ivory
    i'm in love with
your shine, but
    you aren’t looking
                    at mine.

    you, my dear, are
transcending and
            everlasting joy
    rushes my heart
        while the thought
    of you



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