i am in love with a man who simply
cannot love me half as much as he says.
otherwise, he wouldn't be able to rip me into little pieces,
slowly and little by little.
the good times,
the boy in him i fell in love with,
who rarely peeks behind
the "man" he's become
are just the strips of tape holding all of me together.
what happens when it runs out?
i'll be left scrambling to pick up all the pieces
blowing away in the wind in his trail
as he leaves.
i'll be left to tape them all together by myself
with the energy and love
i wouldn't have left.
and because of that,
because of him,
they'll never fit the same again.
my life has been full of him.
8 years.
what do you do
with everything that's leftover?
with all the stuff he'd leave in my vacated heart?
memories.
inside jokes.
laughter.
late nights.
gentle touches,
imprints of fingertips on wanting flesh.
the lingering warmth of kisses.
"i love you."
over
and over
and over
i'd keep replaying the sound his voice makes
when those three words come out of his mouth.
the town i've lived in for years
no longer home, but
the tragic remains of a place
that once held our love story.
restaurants,
movie theaters,
bowling alleys,
arcades,
parks,
cars,
streets
no longer,
just torturous reminders
of him and i.
nowhere to look
without seeing his smile
or hearing his laughter.
these memories will never leave,
and they'll never fade.
and i'd just rip apart all over again.
knowing he'd be out there somewhere.
without me.
without us.
and i'll wonder,
how his new world looks in his eyes.
is it bright and safe?
is it quiet and comfortable?
is it better?
i think
the painful answer
would be yes.
because otherwise,
he'd love me the way he says.
he wouldn't keep tearing me apart.
he wouldn't be able to live without me
as i'm unable to live without him.
i imagine him,
in a perfect world,
while i'd tremble in it's upside down,
waiting until i could see the sun again.
and i don't think i would.

Hope is a lie people cling to
a lie they wish upon believing it
But one day it'll disappear into the blue
Watching your dreams shatter bit by bit

Hope is a lie with feathers
Silently waiting for you
But once you get near it shatters
runs away from you like an unsolved clue

Hope is a lie, a cruel one
One which leaves you waiting for more
and when your happiness reaches its peak
It leaves you broken and alone
It leaves you shaken from the bones to the core
It leaves you empty and feeling like a freak

Hope is a lie, many learned to be careful fromButt those unfortunate souls dressing for prom
thinking they're going to get their prince
But leaves the floor drunk from drinks

And so goes for love
making a fool of us
tricking us, making us think we're above
The heartbreak it does is treasonous

There are cries that come
like weather—
loud, sudden,
gone before they finish saying
what needed to be said.

And then there are the others.
The ones that wait for years
to find a home
safe enough
to be heard.

Tonight, it wasn’t just a song
that broke you—

it was the quiet
after the song ended,
the part where someone stayed.

No questions
or fixing.
Just presence,
while you folded
into the sound of your own heart
finally unclenching.

You didn’t cry because you were weak.

You cried because
you were ready
to stop pretending
it didn’t matter.

And the silence that followed
wasn’t empty—
it was full of everything
you never got to say.

So let this be the night
you remember not what shattered,

but who stayed
long enough
to help you gather the pieces.

Enveloped by the fog
I take another step
Though where I'll go
I do not know
The path ahead's unclear

And every step I take
Reminds me of the last
Each passing year
Upon this earth
A time that's come and passed

In truth, I have a dream
To find a place called home
To feel secure
At where I stand
To cease my endless roam

My feet have long gone numb
They move instinctively
Devoid of shoes
Battered and bruised
No footprints left behind

In constant search of friends
My last one left too soon
She took two steps
To one of mine
And still she passed me by

Da-dum da-dum da-dum
My heart, I feel it beat
Heavy and cold
Broken in half
Perhaps it needs a change

My gaze falls on the moon
A drink to ease the pain
The light it shines
Into my eyes
Brings me to tears tonight

For half the night I lay
Awake and lost in thought
I feel confined
By wasted time
Yet sleep through half the day

Once the rain has passed
And sunshine is renewed
The muddy ground
Still slows me down
Each step a sinking tomb

I fear I've gone astray
Through many thorny paths
The countless scars
May never heal
I run but cannot hide

A ghoul is chasing me
It leads me to the grave
A lifeless place
My life's disgrace
A shell of who I am

A puppet hung from strings
Directed by my hands
I walk again
Into the fog
To find a distant land

I smile at the moon
My one and only friend
So far away
But always there
And will be 'til the end

Suddenly
It's spring again
And I love the way living
Doesn't feel like
A neverending surgery
On myself

You say I am not a project
Am not made of wood and metal
Held together by disappointment
And "Better next time"'s
With smiles splayed on my face
But winter in my heart

Suddenly
My feet are miniscule
They are tiny tiny things
And I know that's alright
After all
They are made to be held,
Are meant to walk tiny tiny steps
Right next you
They will keep up
Because you won't walk away.

"You are enough"
For me
Is the most beautiful confession I have ever received
It means my teeth can stay
It means you will stay
Even if I carefully scrape the smile of my face
Summer is on the way

almost every day
as i walk the dogs
up the hill
two crows
wait for me
at the entrance
to the woods
they swoop low
cawing as they land
on the sign post
or sometimes simply
a matter of paces
ahead of me
hopeful
it would seem
that their display
of such bravery
is noticed and
perhaps rewarded

i couldn't help
but name them
and each time
they appear
talk to them
asking how
their day is going
while leaving
a handful
of dog kibble
as i walk on
to thank them
for their visit
in the hope
that their courage
my kindliness
time and persistence
might bring us
closer still