So tired, she thought it best
to wear her heart on her sleeves
and get things off her chest

Ignored a notion misconceived
that living like an open book
would only make her more naive

She said...
If they simply take another look
they'll see a clear transparency
and maybe, just maybe, let me off the hook

Fast and slow our life flows,
A way for you and I,

Show me your phantasmal eyes,
And I will read your epic trye,

Lest you stare into mine,
And be lost for all of time.

I've been trying to write away humiliation &
carve embarrassment out of my chest
but its hard to put emotion to paper when the boy that hurt you
won’t even tell you his last name

boy,
you lost the right to anonymity when you took me to bed &
used my first name like a curse word
like you yourself named me
boy,
you told me I’m still a hot little thing
as if I was worried bout what you thought in the first place

boy,
you told me it was best that I leave
told me maybe after we get to know each other we can try again
as if I was begging you for mercy
begging you to let me stay

boy,
not knowing you wasn’t the problem
knowing your touch,
your kiss
was the problem
you told me your story but
when I said that I do not even know your last name
you said its best that way
why are you hiding,
boy?

you asked what we are doing here
as if it weren’t already clear
you were really asking me bout what I am not doing

Boy,
I missed the signs
of you walking in front of me and waving me over
waving me out
of you kissing me like theres a timer around my neck
like there wasn't someone on the other side trying to kiss you back

boy,
I do not wish to see you again
If I see you I will tell you my last name

it was all good until in the morning when the last of the illusions was broken

he had let the past coloured his vision
while also putting his hopes of the future on to his present

but now he sees, now he leaves

we didn't fit like before but maybe we never did.

rationality crashes down on me
he does not have that bit of me I seek

so what's the point of prolonged  disappointment?

I WILL NEVER GIVE UP
TRYING TO PROMOTE MY BOOKS
I WILL BE A MILLIONAIRE
BY HOOK OR BY CROOK



ALL THE WORLD NEEDS IS
TO HAVE A GOOD LOOK
MY BOOKS ARE AMAZING
THEY BELONG IN YOUR NOOK



SO BUY MY BOOKS
I CHALLENGE YOU TO LOOK
I WILL BE A MILLIONAIRE
BY HOOK OR BY CROOK


TRUMP CHRONICLES  amazon.com

I once stayed up until four in the morning, waiting for my lover, who is in a band, to get done with his set. He said I'd only have to wait until three, but, at 3:50am, sent me a text telling me that these girls had taken him to dinner, and unless I wanted to wait another hour, it wasn't going to happen. When I told him not to worry about it, he said "For sure. Sorry to keep you waiting. I hope these people are worth it, sexually." and he laughed. It's fine, though. I don't love him. Right?

-E (c) 2017

i never realized how much i liked being alone until i was, you know, like 6 years old.
maybe it’s the silence, or the fact that no one else can bother my thoughts but i am still just as attracted to being alone as i am to the way the snow will rest on the branches of trees... or that boy i see at that coffee shop every so often
but i mean usually people talk about loneliness like it’s a bad thing, but they have to realize that for me, the amount of people that i have in my life times 1000 plus a million (and lets through parenthesis somewhere in there) is not even the amount of miles it takes to get to just the moon. or the amount of minutes i would love to spend by myself aimlessly doing nothing other than trying to survive in my own thoughts.
i want you to know that i’m actually perfectly okay. i realize my parents worry about the increasing amount of time i spend not speaking to them and they worry about when i wont even say hello to my dog when i come home at 2:48 am 3 nights in a row but really i promise im okay
if promises were like hearts do you think they would cause the same amount of heartaches? i mean i never really cared about getting my heartbroken because then again, it allows me to be by myself more
i used to believe in a theory that if everyone got their hearts broken at the same point in time, nobody would be able to feel anything
now i only can believe in the feeling that i get when im driving in my car- you guessed it, alone, on a one way road with no stop signs because it is the only time when i can feel something without anyone else noticing
sometimes, spending time with people i love makes the urges to be alone harder to deal with. i know im supposed to want to go out and do things with others, but when the opportunities come, my mind is the gas pedal and my body is the break. or the other way around... i dont know for sure because ive never really had the time to figure it out yet but all i know is that the relief of how my blankets hold me at the end of the night makes it worth the torture