Now

I can't be anything I thought I'd be
Because I'll kill myself by 23
At least that's what I've said to myself everyday
Since you went away, I lost myself

The view from here is so unclear
I can feel the end is drawing near
And even though I've lost your touch, my dear
Your handprint lives here on my heart

Psychologically, I'm damaged goods
Physically, I am breaking down
I'm a self fulfilling prophecy,
If it's meant to be, it'd start now

But we are all just floating around here
Out in space, we cannot count the hours
There's no time to start anything new,
My dear, we're through, now

Because psychologically, I'm damaged goods
Physically, I am breaking down
I'm a self fulfilling prophecy,
If it was meant to be,
It would have started by now

I'm tired of saying that I'm fine
I'm tired of tallying the tries
And baby you are fading from view,
We are through, but it's gonna be alright

-E (c) 2017

I once stayed up until four in the morning, waiting for my lover, who is in a band, to get done with his set. He said I'd only have to wait until three, but, at 3:50am, sent me a text telling me that these girls had taken him to dinner, and unless I wanted to wait another hour, it wasn't going to happen. When I told him not to worry about it, he said "For sure. Sorry to keep you waiting. I hope these people are worth it, sexually." and he laughed. It's fine, though. I don't love him. Right?

-E (c) 2017

Get it? A Short Story? Ass?

And I know you didn't do this for me, but it's the fact you made it seem like you cared
I know you didn't do it for me, but it gives me hope that something is there
I believe in the Buddha and communism, I love listening to classic Cher
Believe me when I say I'm looking for someone who's gonna care

-E (c) 2017

When I say I want
To kill myself, please do not
Take it so lightly

-E (c) 2017

Personal again.

I'm sorry that I look away every time I catch your glance
But I got hurt so badly the last time I took a chance
I know it sounds cliche but I can't fall into your trance
I can't allow myself to be anything more than an acquaintance

But you're so beautiful
So beautiful
And if I wasn't so fucked I probably could love you
If you wanted me to
You're so beautiful

And love at first sight might not be love at all
I know you have my number, but you probably won't call
The anticipation's enough to make my flesh crawl
I've never felt so tiny, no I've never felt so small

But you're so beautiful
So beautiful
And if you weren't across the room I could probably love you
If you wanted me to
Because you're so beautiful

And I love you
Yes I love you
Your eyes are kind and large
I have to fight the urge
To walk over
I won't walk over

-E (c) 2017

This is for J.M., written on 3/18/17, after a concert at The Jungle.

Dreams suck
Because you can have a dream
Where a boy kisses you
And you really, really like that boy in real life
Just to wake up
And realize that he didn't actually sleep over
He didn't actually post a video of you guys kissing for the first time on YouTube (?)
You were just
Dreaming

-E (c) 2017

I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT THAT HE CAME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND IT WAS STILL CHRISTMAS AND WE PLAYED IN THE SNOW AND HE BROKE A CANDY CANE WHY IS LIFE UNFAIR
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