There are things they don’t tell you about getting older,
how one day you will realize
that the home you grew up in
no longer feels like home
and you’ll be yearning for somewhere else
even as you are sleeping in the bed
that you slept in as a teen,
these changes come slowly,
but hit you all at once.
They do not tell you
that you will look the same
as you did last year
and last week
but you will feel like the world
shifted a few inches overnight
not telling you that it was going to do so,
but leaving you to pick up the pieces
of the memories it left as it moved,
you will grow to understand
that some things will never make sense
no matter how much you shake your fist at God
and cry into your mother's shoulder,
they do not tell you that you will not always be able
to cry into your mother's shoulder
or call your dad when your car breaks down
or feel comfortable in the places
that used to make your eyelids relax
into peaceful sleep,
they are too busy learning these things themselves
that they forget to tell you the things
you wish you knew
before it was too late.

Maybe our past version
could never make it work.
Maybe they weren't meant to be.
They knew to little
and felt too much.

But now that we've picked up
our broken pieces
and rebuilt ourselves.

Reconnected with ourselves.
Changed, grown
and matured.

I wonder if it is meant to
be between these two
evolved souls.

So maybe, we are glow sticks,
that need to break to glow.

So maybe, we are caterpillars
who digest themselves during metamorphosis,
to transform into a butterfly.

So maybe, we are stars
that need to collapse
in order to shine brightly.

So maybe, we need to breakdown,
to pick up the pieces and cast ourselves
as someone different.

So maybe, we need to shed
to become a better version.

So maybe, all this
crumbling
breaking
collapsing
was never a destruction
but a birth to something beautiful.

At times they were just plain words on paper
and at times they were expressive and powerful poetry.
At times it was paint spilled all over
and at times it was a masterpiece.
At times it was a stress
and at times it was a relief.

I guess
progress was never meant to be linear.
It was never meant to be all flow
without ebb.
It was never supposed to be all great and good,
but neither were these times supposed to have the power
to bring you down to give up,
because you feel it will never be good enough.

"Having gone through it once did not mean it did not hurt the second time. It is painful, raw and heart-wrenching. But I know I am going to get through it. I know I have to invest in myself, the people who I love and love me back and invest in the things that make me feel better so that my past would not hold me captive. I know if I was to work for the better, I would be much happier with my present and would not go back to rekindle with my past as I would have accepted the suffering is part of the path of finding my strength and a better self."

- excerpt from an open letter

Dear Little Girl,

Right now, you just stare
At the ceiling, at the wall,
Wondering if your hair
Will ever look pretty at all
Will it ever one day be tame?
I think you’ll be happy to know
That the bigger you grow
It’ll be more beautiful
But look exactly the same

You were the flower and I the petals,
  but over time we dulled and the taste
                              was nothing like before..

           I lost each petal of affection for you,

till all that was left was a stem,
                void of what had flourished.

the stem a tombstone of consequences,
       a monument that not everything that
                          blossom was meant to last.

I drifted into tomorrows and you found
                         that you could grow again,


somewhere new without me.

Stupid
You're old enough now
You should know better
Don't even
Don't you dare
Don't you cry
****
It's spilling
Its
S  p
i    l    l
i      n      g
Out
You ******* crybaby
STOP
Now everyone's worried
Well not everyone
He's not worried
He hasn't even noticed
He just walked by
*******
Crying even harder?
You wimp
S H U T  U P
I don't know why I'm crying okay?
Yes, you do
I don't
Liar
He's leaving
And he didn't even notice you
Wow
That's right
You're too old for this
It's not like you're special
Nearly every one has that black hole inside of them now
Fill it with food
Or material things
Or strangers
But it won't work
You think that there's someone out there for you?
Someone who will fill you?
Make you better
Stupid *****
No one will do that for you
So ******* grow up
and stop crying

Stop crying