I wanna get the high I'm used to
Light headed
Bed ridden
Weak heart
Hospital admitted
It's the best, right?
A party every night
Till you say goodbye to your mom
Boarding that flight
To Philly
I remember the emotions that would fill me
All those songs on repeat
Flashing back
Gripping the counter as I fell down
All my dreams denounced
I gave up my ambition
Handed it over for a bottle
My last two dollars
Were spent full throttle
On the dope
Or a hit of my roommate ****
Thinking that that's just what I need
Take a shot
Then smoke
While the ******* is dripping down my throat
It's not pretty
When your favorite shirt
Is ruined from a nose bleed
Then everyone looks at you strange
Best friend saying that you've changed
You're no fun
You're to serious
Then they stop calling
Ain't that mysterious?
It's time to let go
Put down the bottle
Stop scrounging for a roach
You put out a week ago
Paranoia is no small price to pay
You should be paranoid when you can die any day
From your own hands
From your own brain
God,
Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

I wasn’t born in generation X
I got lost well before we got to that letter
I wasn’t born a jet setter
I just make use of air travel
I find myself trying to find a reason
For my life somewhere between God and evolution
I think I will find the solution
In between trying not to get drunk with my mates
and getting a job that I can enjoy with better pay rates
I find my generation is lost in comfort driven fashion craving
It is my generation that I think needs saving
From ourselves.



A generation lost its head to computer games
A generation lost its morals for 5minutes of fame
A generation lost its battle with drug addiction
A generation has lost its sanity
Oh calamity
A generation has lost its faith in modern life
God and evolution and theories
make this generation groan and feel weary with despair
This generation counts the cost of being branded lost
and believing that it is so
but help them to know
that they need to follow their own way
and not to stray from that path
because the aftermath of following your own path can be success.

how I can be ****** back in
to the old ways of abuse
when I know nothing good will come
from you
from me
from both of us
yet I feel the sparkling fire that burns
and it only burns for you
I need you to blow it out
extinguish my flame
before it sets my whole body on fire
then there will be nothing left to do
but follow you
I need you more than I thought I did or didn't
when I tell you I love you
you tell me you like being with me
nothing will ever add up
but everything will subtract
I have thought I reached the end plenty
somehow you reel me back into your grasp
your warm embrace filled with connectivity
as if our hearts are hugging
not our bodies

Today has come to an end,
and I'm feeling rather content...
I held your hand
and I heard your laugh.

And as we were standing,
I didn't want to let go.
I wanted to hold on to you...
You, I'll always follow.

words doesn't fit when it wasn't said
naturally coming from your heart
it cannot be degraded with
such non whimsical thoughts
perhaps are you aware
of what's going on your mind
before speaking the exact words
that you want to express?
the truth may set us free
if we are not afraid of the things
that we wanted to voice out
it should be simple
yet there
are decisions that
made us complicated.

Sitting all alone, trying not to fall apart.
Why do I hate so much with all this love up in my heart.
Suppose to be flying high.
With my head up to the sky.
Far away, I'm on my own, staring st the crash phone, guess my minds gone.
Middle of the desert.
Ain't got no time to dust off.
Uncomfortably living, how much does this life of mine really cost.
Seeming close to nothing.
Need to find my niche or something.
Soon as time reveals, I'll pump it up like I'm Joe Budden.
But still cooling though.

Cooler than a ceiling fan.
In life, I'm just the middle man.
Chase your dreams they said, so I did but I never ran.
Now I'm sitting in the stands.
Hide my face, I use my hands.
Snapped back to reality and kept walking in the sand.

I've been up for hours, not really my choice.
I sold myself short, thirty percent off to the devil, I constantly hear his voice.
This isn't my life.
I should've settled for two kids and a wife.
But I got complacent.
Everything in those moments felt good so why not.
Now I sit.
In the dark.
Alone.
Depression deep down, I can feel it to the bone.
With nothing to call my own.
I really wanna go home.
Other side of the country just trying to build my own;
Throan.

I've made too many mistakes.
However, they all made me;
Somehow.
Blurred vision when I think of destiny.
Or maybe it's the fifth of Hennessy.
Why can't I just jump and know for a fact I got the remedy.

More life.
Longevity.
More juice.
I'm seeing two sides of me, but switching up or pick and choose.
I'm staring at a tree trying not to eat forbidden fruit,
While I'm sinking in the ground, could I be meeting my roots.
Maybe I should freshen up and clean my Georgia, Henry county unfilled shoes, just to get,
More life.
But I'm Only Human.

I'll follow you
from one place
to the next,
because you make me happy
And you're the one I want to be with.

Hi.
You might not know me
But for real
I don't even blame you
I gave up long ago
on sharing who I was
while hiding
who I am

Hi.
I seem a stranger
good and bad
and all the in-between
It wasn't so pretty
or easy, or real, or "fine"
but I am
OK now.

Hi.
I was an addict.
drugs of choice?
Elusive approval
Associated shame
Stolen identity
Yes, I was
just a fraud.

Hi.
Here I am broken.
you scold me
and then I lose myself
a scapegoat to be razed
to be a throwaway
But I raised
my self up.

Hi.
I’m a mosaic
Living art
I'm pieces of past lives
And though I was scattered
I am collected now
I made this
this beauty

Hi.

Dear Expectations,

I have given up on believing in you. It seems that for years and years and so many more years to come. You have constantly sent out more pain than you have happiness. You give a sense of hope that doesn't equal someones reality. You portray this false imagination. You try to allow myself and others to believe that if we set certain standards and place things/people on a pedestal... That we will achieve you. Why is it that even after constant let down we allow you back into our lives? why do we still wait for you? expect you? hope and wish for you? set you so high...
To expect is to assume
to assume is to make a mockery out of yourself
I'd rather not.

I don't expect her to ever speak to me again
I don't expect those who've doubted me to suddenly believe
I don't expect my lost friends and family to suddenly be found
I don't expect immediate change
I don't expect the best outcomes to my hard work, right away.
I don't expect you to love me
I don't expect my father and I to ever have a relationship
I don't expect freedom in a life of chains
I don't expect anything, anymore

The only expecting I do now is the kind I can control

I expect myself to love who deserves to be loved
I expect myself  to be the best man I can be
I expect myself to try and change what is my flaws
I expect myself to be there always for my family and some friends
I expect myself to believe in me
I expect myself to try even if it's so much easier to quit
I expect myself to forgive...Even when I know they don't deserve it
I expect my self to live...even when life has killed all my faith
I expect myself to fight...even when I don't have much left
I expect myself to always remain honest to who I am

Expectations.

We place em on things that we have no control over...
on people who just may not be able to live up to our needs
we can't expect anything out of anyone or thing...
all we can do is expect what we want in ourselves.
Put out in life what we hope...but don't expect...to get back.

Change your mindset - Change your heart - Change your life