I close my eyes and count to ten,
I try to count sheep; those *******.

The haunting thoughts keep me up,
I'm exhausted but restless.

I try and try to keep my eyes shut,
Then once again I fail.

Maybe I'll sleep better in this position,
I think as I roll over.

Thoughts race through my mind
And continue to keep me up.

The good, the bad, and the ugly,
They all have the same effect.

The pillow is too hot, time to flip it,
Yeah, I'm sure this will help.

But I can't sleep because my life is
A living nightmare.

Hey friend,
Put down the blades
This feeling surely fades
Put away the pills
Watching you live like this kills me inside
Don't hang that noose
Keep that rope loose
Acknowledge your feeling
It's not unappealing
Look at the people who love you, their faces
They know you're going places
Not in the ground
Let your broken heart be found
You are loved and needed
Even if no one begged and pleaded
You're meant for something
Imagine the smiles you could bring
If you stay
Come with me, friend, I'll show you the  way

I grow tired of summer
When the festival lion rears head;
The bleeding, the beating,
Been on “E,” and seeming, since June.

I grow tired of the summer
As it’s somewhere to the left,
Maybe up and maybe down.
But never nigh or near.

So, let pale moon sleep.

I grow tired of the summer,
Fall, winter and spring
It makes no difference.
Still I tire.

I grow tired of you, wherein I listen,
I ache, I’m adrift, and the dreams,
Shared atop our first flower,
Seeds beaten snow, have died.

So, let the two stars still and weep.

I grow tired of the summer,
A death and decay,
So crucified, that first modest wind’s
Dragonfly.

I grow tired of the summer,
Sustenance and another,
Wherein I’m devoured, abandoned,
Limbless, and left to dream.

I had a strong heart
Strong mind
Strong immune system
And a bright soul
I was strong

*How did this happen?

Sleepless nights bring anxiety and frights
The forcing and suffering
Continuously have
Me wondering
What is it that holds me hostage?
A grip so tight im suffocating as breathe trys to escape me
Do I surrender and just let it be?
Do I fight against she or he?
My chest tightens as my fear rises, looking an unseen force in the eye
Praying that it stops its rage and says bye
A prisoner in my own mind, thoughts race, twist, and bind
Repeating like a broken record
Except you can't
Move the
Needle
And make it
Stop
Oblivious to what's normal and sane*
A prisoner
I
will
Remain

Just keep breathing
Just keep smiling

They'll never suspect

Just keep talking
Just keep laughing

They'll never know

Just keep crying
Just keep bleeding

They'll never see

Just keep hiding
Just keep hiding

No, stop falling

You can't let the suspect
You can't let them know
You can't let them see

*Oh no,
She's gone

I have exhausted my ink, my pen, my hand.

My tongue has unlearned all languages,
all terms of endearment and soft sayings.

I am no longer flesh, no longer blood,
but have transformed myself into wind:

a wind that has traveled the oceans for you,
a wind that has discovered Africa's worth,

that has lifted me into an African skirt
where the origin of everything began.

It's like my body's going supernova.
Every abstract nano millimeter of my being is imploding on itself and exploding into this humid atmosphere - I become slivers of glass on an insignificant Saturday.
My eyes are shattered like marbles -
My fingers scattered like wine glass stems -
I am a shifting, silver star gone supernova -
In the midst of constellations spelling out your name -
There is a vacuum inside me -
My flesh collapses in on itself like aluminum -
I am incandescent like a lightbulb.
There is a bomb inside me -
And the timers gone off -
I spread like a grenade -
Every part of me becomes part of something else.
I am growing from a wasteland -
And dying from the waste -
This encompassing medicine grows within me out of barren soil.
I am a fire -
Golden plasma coins -
This poisonous currency -
I will pay for it all, for it all.
This fire burns branches -
Becomes ashes -
I inhale this dead earth and my lungs are joyous at this fire you've built me from cardboard boxes.

I love you so deeply - I am being broken and repaired all at once.
I feel so full of something I cannot fully understand - I have exploded.
There will never be enough of your lips
Your smiles
Your eyes
Your voice
Your words
Your skin
Your face
Your fingers
Your chest
Your stomach
Your shoulders
Your legs
Your feet
Your kissing
Your voice . . .

If I were walking through an airport toward you, I would not be walking for long.

How many ways can I express my love for you?
You are sunset on my loneliness -
The medicine for my insomnia -
The balm for my aching heart -
And yet my heart has never ached more.

I cannot put my love for you into words - I am without words.
God has finally stumped me -
"Make her fall in love" he said -
"And watch her try to write that".