Oh please stop complaining
I don't even care

This world is full of cruelty
so don't act surprised
just expect it from me

I am done being too naïve
I am done with feeling stupid all the time
and most of all I am tired of all your
unreasonable ways

I am tired of dealing with your nonsense

This time, if you want competition
I will give it to you
and I will show you what I am capable of

This is just the start
you'll see more of me as the time goes by

But you'll never see the real me anymore
because my barriers are stronger and can never
be knocked out by some unworthy people

it faded like slavery
but the screams will not.
not this time
not with this much
involvement
my body,  a strawberry

strawberry,  begging for fondue
slavery begging for an end
involvement is too exhausting
nor giving any relief,  so
much energy spent slowly,  as if dripping
time wasted

wasted time, wasted life, dipped in a bitter
fondue, unpleasant and messy
dipping of bitter lips until the bitter
end, *** empty,  needs washing, another
exhausting task, requiring to much
involvement, too much effort

Effort is what i can't give, I'm
bitter about that and angry. With too
much resentment, just growing inside me. More
messy baggage,
another issue, as if I don't already have enough. So im
bitter,  so what?

What difference does it make?
I'm to battered for repair,
I'm to exhausted for any attempt at anything

The smashed ribs, the swollen legs
The state of heart every time the ground shakes
The endless tears, the unflattering fears
The subdued feelings, the impotent states
and I realize how helpless I am
As everything vanished within seconds

The cracked hopes, the buried dreams
The unbearable truths, the painful screams
The broken fantasies, the shattered desires
The situation where no one admires
Tried to stop, I tired to evade
Then I realize how helpless I am
as everything vanished within seconds

Up a lot in my life
This week
Because my mind
cannot handle
being alone
even when it's not
and now ive pushed
everything away
and maybe
if I keep pressing
enter
on this ******* keyboard
maybe this will look like a poem
Maybe I will feel like a human
Maybe I wont cry every night
just because
That's all that feels
okay.
But I'm not okay
I am alone
and I am alone
and I am alone.

Monsters crawl in the dark crevices in my brain.
Let me go! Leave!
I'm so tired!
Do you know what it's like reader?
Your eyes scan these words but do you understand?
Young girl, boy, old woman, man, do you?
I wish I knew if you could relate.
Do you know what it's like to exist in a world that doesn't exist.
The real world is just outside but I can't escape my own.
Monsters are everywhere.
Seeping in, scratching at my door.
I let them in every time.
They simply tell me to.
I can't escape..
I want all thoughts to leave my mind and let me be.
I want to go back and not be so alone.
I felt so alone.
That is why I created the monsters.
Only to keep me company.
I was a lonely child.
Everyday I would wake alone.
Every night I would sleep alone.
I was alone.
I was a lonely child.
Loneliness in turn raised me.
It nurtured the monsters.
The monsters shaped me.
I wish I could go back and not be alone.
Loneliness is deadly.
I was lonely for too long.
I was lonely for too long.

I'm tired of being strong.
I'm tired of being blamed when something goes wrong.
I'm tired of understanding other people's feelings.
I'm tired of listening to what other people are saying.
I'm tired of always smiling;
When I know i'm already drowning.
I'm just tired of all the pretendings;
Knowing you'll never even notice what's happening.

They'd ask, "How are you?"
I'd say, "I'm okay."
"You sure?," they pull it through.
"I'm just tired," I say.

But what I don't tell is that,
I'm not just tired.
With every worn hat,
I just wanna be fired.

Sleep won't fix this.
I need some break.
Maybe a few minutes,
Those I would take.

I need to part ways, I think,
From life even.
I'm at the brink,
Looking for my own haven.