You bit your lip
And winked at me
A glass of wine in your hand,
A cigarette
Hanging out of your mouth.
You were *******
On the floor
And I barefoot
On the bed
With three other people
Who talked a lot.
You mumbled something
To yourself
But the music
Was too loud.
I looked away,
I looked up to the ceiling
Which had disappeared
To put the stars on display.

And you and me, my love.
We were there.


F.Z.**N

Life has nothing
That can amaze
Let alone impress,
And the future
Is faceless.
I want to die
In silence.
I want to disappear
Off of myself,
Off of the sphere.


F.Z.**N

(maybe i'm a mistake)
mistake
mistakes happen all the time

just erase them and they'll be gone
erase the mistake
erase it
erase her
(erase me)

i wonder what being erased feels like
to feel nothing
but not in this way
this poisonous way
this painful way
of feeling nothing

i wonder what it feels like to be nothing
but not dirt nothing
not sludge nothing
not this nothing that stings

i wonder where the nothings go
where the mistakes go
when they're erased

i have to stop running
i run from the right things
and to the wrong thing
or is it to the right things
and away from the wrong things

it's hard to tell
when everything is in motion

can't we press pause
someone press pause
please
someone just press pause

i am spinning and falling
but i don't hit the ground
the dirt
(i am the dirt)

i just keep spinning
and i flip over and over
without touching anything
without stopping
without pausing
(someone stop me)

i keep running
(make me stop
make me sit tight
and stay in one place
make me fixed
not a mistake)

(erase me
erase me and replace me)

replace (me) with the correct thing
the right thing
the finally-makes-sense thing
the feels-right thing
the safe thing
the not-so-crazy thing
the stable thing

(erase me
and send me
to the place the nothings go.)

It’s started when the first time you came

You let me fall into your game

Oh, fool that i am,

for falling too deep, and that is my shame

I keep calling out your name,

hoping that you’ll turn around and wipe my tear

But instead, you’re just standing there, drinking a can of beer,

pretending not to hear

And watch me drown in my own tears,

choking in fear

Alone, with nobody near

And that, is how I disappear

Are you happy now, my dear?

And I bleed red
And I cry clear
As I feel warmth
And all my fear.
I watch my life
Go disappear.
And I feel loss
When you're not here.

But I know now
I'm not alone...

We all bleed red.
We all cry clear.
And we're all warm
Away from fear.
We watch our lives
Go disappear
And we feel loss
While we stay here.

We're only human.

It's warm.
What is this blissfulness?
"It's me.. You're not alone"
Embedded in the eardrum.
Tears disappeared
By just one glance at that curve on the face
That weird, yet such an euphoric curve
It's called a smile
Strange-
For it made the pain scattered
What is this comfort?  

Soon a smile was made apart of the appearance
Apart of the life
This curve was then around all the corners of the world

But where is the warmth?
The one that was felt in the beginning
It was always felt in thy heart
It was always seen when looked right..
But is no more seen or felt.
Blinked away,
It vanished
And where was thy?
Back in the cold.
The smile, euphoric?
What's that?

-fir.m