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rediscovery. and healing.
London
all works are my own unless stated otherwise.
Poems
jules kerleen Oct 2018
ghost
jules kerleen
Oct 2018
i just want to disappear
get a chance to eat the warming scones from the oven
and just melt away in stars and sky of navy and grey;
i just want to disappear
to fly and to leave anywhere i want or desire or dream;
i'm dreaming of melting away from where i am
for i am floating already,
why can't i just disintegrate altogether;
altogether
yes a distant memory;
forever alone isn't something you would think of until
it actually happens;
although it's not something you realize unless you've
tried love and
and been scared, afraid of what the
person on the other end of the letters is thinking;
i just want to disappear
far away into the hands of someone who cares
not just about my picture but my pulse,
someone who looks not just at my eyes but at each
individual colouring strand inside
my plain brown eyes;
i just want to disappear so no one will have to face
my retched thoughts and unattainable dreams;
i just want to disappear so my friends won't have
to look at a scared
pathetic
unhappy
awkward
lonely person and have sympathy for me if they even do;
which if i were on the outside of my slinky body
i wouldn't;
i wouldn't just want to leave but disappear for it
seems that it's what i'm best at;
i just want to disappear
from my picturesque world that you couldn't
even take a nice picture in;
i just want to disappear
from my ocean of held back tear,
my shield of fearlessness,
a fake smile that a murderer would wear,
the impression i have on the other lives of people,
and just
i just
want to disappear,
to run away,
and to not have to cause any drama or half broken feelings to anyone,
to not correct people for their non-existent flaws that are really
my own
personal balled up feelings;
i just want to disappear,
fly away into the clouds and heavens of an unreal dream;
i just want to,
i just want to disappear,
disappear
away
fly away
and never come back
never have my flimsy feet touch the beautiful ground
never let my ruined soul harm a single cell of
anyone worth anything to a single thing;
i just want to disappear
i just want to disappea
i just want to disap
i just want
i just
i
- nameless and remaining
get a chance to eat the warming scones from the oven
and just melt away in stars and sky of navy and grey;
i just want to disappear
to fly and to leave anywhere i want or desire or dream;
i'm dreaming of melting away from where i am
for i am floating already,
why can't i just disintegrate altogether;
altogether
yes a distant memory;
forever alone isn't something you would think of until
it actually happens;
although it's not something you realize unless you've
tried love and
and been scared, afraid of what the
person on the other end of the letters is thinking;
i just want to disappear
far away into the hands of someone who cares
not just about my picture but my pulse,
someone who looks not just at my eyes but at each
individual colouring strand inside
my plain brown eyes;
i just want to disappear so no one will have to face
my retched thoughts and unattainable dreams;
i just want to disappear so my friends won't have
to look at a scared
pathetic
unhappy
awkward
lonely person and have sympathy for me if they even do;
which if i were on the outside of my slinky body
i wouldn't;
i wouldn't just want to leave but disappear for it
seems that it's what i'm best at;
i just want to disappear
from my picturesque world that you couldn't
even take a nice picture in;
i just want to disappear
from my ocean of held back tear,
my shield of fearlessness,
a fake smile that a murderer would wear,
the impression i have on the other lives of people,
and just
i just
want to disappear,
to run away,
and to not have to cause any drama or half broken feelings to anyone,
to not correct people for their non-existent flaws that are really
my own
personal balled up feelings;
i just want to disappear,
fly away into the clouds and heavens of an unreal dream;
i just want to,
i just want to disappear,
disappear
away
fly away
and never come back
never have my flimsy feet touch the beautiful ground
never let my ruined soul harm a single cell of
anyone worth anything to a single thing;
i just want to disappear
i just want to disappea
i just want to disap
i just want
i just
i
- nameless and remaining
at times of depression of what externally makes me sad i read some audrey hepburn quotes and cried my eyes out while trying to type this into my computer because for some reason i was feeling inspired? i don't have a clue what i'm doing with my life right now so this poem in a literal representation of how it's all going. love this ** Jules
Johnny Noiπ Oct 2018
Hanaw: Wagtang
Johnny Noiπ
Oct 2018
hanaw [há.naw.] : inkling (n.); disappear (v.); vanish (v.)
Synonyms: wagtang
Derivatives of hanaw
Glosses:
inkling
n. (cognition) 1. glimmer, glimmering, inkling, intimation a slight suggestion or vague understanding.; "he had no inkling what was about to happen"
~ suggestion an idea that is suggested.; "the picnic was her suggestion"
disappear
v. (change) 1. disappear, go away, vanish get lost, as without warning or explanation.; "He disappeared without a trace"
~ fall away, fall off diminish in size or intensity.
~ fall go as if by falling.; "Grief fell from our hearts"
~ die disappear or come to an end.; "Their anger died"; "My secret will die with me!"
~ go be abolished or discarded.; "These ugly billboards have to go!"; "These luxuries all had to go under the Khmer Rouge"
~ absent, remove go away or leave.; "He absented himself"
~ blow over, evanesce, fleet, fade, pass off, pass disappear gradually.; "The pain eventually passed off"
~ fade, wither lose freshness, vigor, or vitality.; "Her bloom was fading"
~ skip town, take a powder disappear without notifying anyone (idiom).
~ die off, die out become extinct.; "Dinosaurs died out"
~ desorb go away from the surface to which (a substance) is adsorbed.
v. (perception) 2. disappear, go away, vanish become invisible or unnoticeable.; "The effect vanished when day broke"
~ dematerialise, dematerialize become immaterial; disappear.
~ clear go away or disappear.; "The fog cleared in the afternoon"
~ bob under disappear suddenly, as if under the surface of a body of water.
~ end, cease, terminate, finish, stop have an end, in a temporal, spatial, or quantitative sense; either spatial or metaphorical.; "the bronchioles terminate in a capillary bed"; "Your rights stop where you infringe upon the rights of other"; "My property ends by the bushes"; "The symphony ends in a pianissimo"
v. (change) 3. disappear, vanish cease to exist.; "An entire civilization vanished"
~ end, cease, terminate, finish, stop have an end, in a temporal, spatial, or quantitative sense; either spatial or metaphorical.; "the bronchioles terminate in a capillary bed"; "Your rights stop where you infringe upon the rights of other"; "My property ends by the bushes"; "The symphony ends in a pianissimo"
v. (change) 4. disappear, evaporate, melt become less intense and fade away gradually.; "her resistance melted under his charm"; "her hopes evaporated after years of waiting for her fiance"
~ weaken become weaker.; "The prisoner's resistance weakened after seven days"
vanish
v. (motion) 1. fell, fly, vanish pass away rapidly.; "Time flies like an arrow"; "Time fleeing beneath him"
~ vaporize, vanish, fly decrease rapidly and disappear.; "the money vanished in las Vegas"; "all my stock assets have vaporized"
~ elapse, glide by, go by, slide by, slip by, slip away, go along, pass, lapse pass by.; "three years elapsed"
v. (change) 2. fly, vanish, vaporize decrease rapidly and disappear.; "the money vanished in las Vegas"; "all my stock assets have vaporized"
~ decrease, diminish, lessen, fall decrease in size, extent, or range.; "The amount of homework decreased towards the end of the semester"; "The cabin pressure fell dramatically"; "her weight fell to under a hundred pounds"; "his voice fell to a whisper"
~ fell, vanish, fly pass away rapidly.; "Time flies like an arrow"; "Time fleeing beneath him"
Synonyms: wagtang
Derivatives of hanaw
Glosses:
inkling
n. (cognition) 1. glimmer, glimmering, inkling, intimation a slight suggestion or vague understanding.; "he had no inkling what was about to happen"
~ suggestion an idea that is suggested.; "the picnic was her suggestion"
disappear
v. (change) 1. disappear, go away, vanish get lost, as without warning or explanation.; "He disappeared without a trace"
~ fall away, fall off diminish in size or intensity.
~ fall go as if by falling.; "Grief fell from our hearts"
~ die disappear or come to an end.; "Their anger died"; "My secret will die with me!"
~ go be abolished or discarded.; "These ugly billboards have to go!"; "These luxuries all had to go under the Khmer Rouge"
~ absent, remove go away or leave.; "He absented himself"
~ blow over, evanesce, fleet, fade, pass off, pass disappear gradually.; "The pain eventually passed off"
~ fade, wither lose freshness, vigor, or vitality.; "Her bloom was fading"
~ skip town, take a powder disappear without notifying anyone (idiom).
~ die off, die out become extinct.; "Dinosaurs died out"
~ desorb go away from the surface to which (a substance) is adsorbed.
v. (perception) 2. disappear, go away, vanish become invisible or unnoticeable.; "The effect vanished when day broke"
~ dematerialise, dematerialize become immaterial; disappear.
~ clear go away or disappear.; "The fog cleared in the afternoon"
~ bob under disappear suddenly, as if under the surface of a body of water.
~ end, cease, terminate, finish, stop have an end, in a temporal, spatial, or quantitative sense; either spatial or metaphorical.; "the bronchioles terminate in a capillary bed"; "Your rights stop where you infringe upon the rights of other"; "My property ends by the bushes"; "The symphony ends in a pianissimo"
v. (change) 3. disappear, vanish cease to exist.; "An entire civilization vanished"
~ end, cease, terminate, finish, stop have an end, in a temporal, spatial, or quantitative sense; either spatial or metaphorical.; "the bronchioles terminate in a capillary bed"; "Your rights stop where you infringe upon the rights of other"; "My property ends by the bushes"; "The symphony ends in a pianissimo"
v. (change) 4. disappear, evaporate, melt become less intense and fade away gradually.; "her resistance melted under his charm"; "her hopes evaporated after years of waiting for her fiance"
~ weaken become weaker.; "The prisoner's resistance weakened after seven days"
vanish
v. (motion) 1. fell, fly, vanish pass away rapidly.; "Time flies like an arrow"; "Time fleeing beneath him"
~ vaporize, vanish, fly decrease rapidly and disappear.; "the money vanished in las Vegas"; "all my stock assets have vaporized"
~ elapse, glide by, go by, slide by, slip by, slip away, go along, pass, lapse pass by.; "three years elapsed"
v. (change) 2. fly, vanish, vaporize decrease rapidly and disappear.; "the money vanished in las Vegas"; "all my stock assets have vaporized"
~ decrease, diminish, lessen, fall decrease in size, extent, or range.; "The amount of homework decreased towards the end of the semester"; "The cabin pressure fell dramatically"; "her weight fell to under a hundred pounds"; "his voice fell to a whisper"
~ fell, vanish, fly pass away rapidly.; "Time flies like an arrow"; "Time fleeing beneath him"