the fan on the lowest setting
still disturbs the decade of dust
enveloping the books that formed
my adolescence;
the disorganized organisms and
******* that have dissolved
in these sheets and these short days
haunt my dreams;

how do i sleep,
knowing that the past future present
perpetuate the block universe of
betrayal and boredom and
baby cries, my mother's eyes,
the abdication of adulthood
and absolution in the absence
of harrowing hope.

i broke my own heart
three states over and now
working and waiting for the
answer to be revealed;
my teenage self says that
sadness is my truest form,
but my soul knows there is more

But, alas, that proved our undoing, my love.
When the hour arrived to bid you farewell,
And consign you to an earthen crypt,
I could not bring myself to release you.

And so, I descended to the underworld,
Where I offered my soul to the grim reaper,
In exchange for a reprieve from your loss.
He accepted my offering without a second thought,
Devouring my essence whole, without a shred of mercy.

Yet, through it all, I felt not a single twinge of pain.
For the agony of losing you was far greater,
Than any torment, the reaper could inflict upon me.

the fear of tomorrow
keeps me hidden.
why venture with no
security.
you are not there,
I cannot see you.

where do I go,
who will lead me?

I am lost,
you are gone.
what shall I do?

We move across time together,
Constantly, with no change in velocity

Yet the days without you feel long
And the days you are here are the shortest

I know I love you,
I can feel it in my pale rigid bones

I still hate that you left me,
I feel the aches with every pulse of my deteriorating crimson heart

Now, I move across time alone
With only sorrow to offer my grieving soul company

I escape the recesses of my mind,
But my throughts keep me in a bind.
The thoughts I resist,
While my mind insists.
Step by step, I dive deeper into the depths,
Where my secrets are kept.
You say, "release your mind."
And I ask, "with what time?"
For me, the experience, much like a casted fishing line, allure;
For you, I imagine, is more like a detour.
Or so I perceive...
But will you leave?
Left to grieve
Trapped with a mind to decieve.
What will I receive?
A brighter day I hope,
Or a moment where even I can gloat.
Little flames flicker in the sea of dark,
Shadows dance in the shape of sharks.
Nipping away at the light,
Only myself in sight.
"Open your eyes, it'll be alright."
A hand grips tight,
Giving the strength lacking from my own might.
My heart takes flight,
Down a path that feels right.

I feel like I'm running
But the line's getting further
I reach for the sky
As i start to fall faster
And all of my hopes
Are put out to pasture
When i reach out to life
But keep falling right past her

"Don't worry about the ground,
Its just rising up to great me.
Think about the peace I'll feel,
When mother earth gets to eat me
Though i tried so very hard
That I'm convinced that life did cheat me
Here I am just falling...
As if she already beat me"

So i do away with logic
Expel any rational thought
Always better at my worst,
Oh you must've forgot
So bring out Despair
And famine and Rot
Let them do their worst
Before i show what I've got

I've lost this fight before
But since then I have changed
Started speaking with the beast
Cause he often seemed so pained
Now we fight as one
And i have no need to feel ashamed
This time I'll be victorious
Cause the beast is now unchained