The ravels in my sleeve of care
Grow longer every night-
Especially in the morning
When I struggle back to sleep
From waking up too early

Only to be bushwhacked
By brigades of unsolved problems,
Battalions of frustration
And whole Armies of defeatment
Marching out to meet me.

While you’re asleep your secret mind
Is solving all the puzzles
That unhinge the hours when you’re awake
And dodging slings and arrows.
That is the scholar’s promise.

That is what the con men say
In psychiatric clinics
Where they write the books
Explaining what it means to fly
And why we never land when falling.

Sleep refreshes and renews-
At least that is the theory.
It’s not supposed to wear you out
And beat you down while dreaming
Out the scripts you didn’t write.

When the raveling is complete
And both my sleeves have come undone
Will I dream of flowered fields
And happy times, successes and rewarding
Or will it end and I no longer dream at all.
                    ljm

when you finally
hit rock bottom
you won't see me
when you look up
one more chance
one more hope
another play as your savior

you won't see me
because i was the only one
who tried to prevent
your fall

All is quiet in the house. Your slumber is almost the loudest voice in my head.
I can only sit idly by and watch faceless creatures of my rage battle with no armor.
Reaching outward, spinning within,
I grasp at letting go.
All I know is something I treasure, yet wish to lose.
Empty pockets don’t drop many coins.
Eternity taunts my limited time ticking without a halt towards a future that ceases to exist.
Faith in lack seems to be all we’re granted.
The riddler laughs at my fate.
Surrender to this cruel joke is all I can do within its confinement.
The escape route has a road block, and armed guards ordered to shoot on sight.
Every pleasure is lined with thorns and ***** my weakened hands.
Alone is all we can ever be.
The gift of senses is our curse in this nightmare dressed as enchantment.
Wolf in sheep's clothing, he nips at my ankles.
If I stumble I lose a foot,
If I fall I lose my life.
Buried amongst the leaves is my hope to comprehend.
But no knowledge can ever cut through these chains that bind my ability to be free.
My tears contain my rage,
my rage contains my innocent notion that drives me to madness.
The simple yearning to love without condition, to touch without getting burned.
Where did goodness lose the battle?
Eve ate the fruit that grants her breath, birthing her condemnation.
No handbook to guide us.
No map to get us through this maze.
We cannot know what kills us till we die.
This utopia has no order.
No leader.
no captain at the helm.
So many souls lost at sea, until the waves break their vessels and swallow their strength to persevere.
I ache to be a shepherd without consequence.
It's hard to stand on broken limbs.
The pain is all that cradles my fall.
Hush little baby, don't say a word when you're mockingbird cannot fly.
The dish ran away with the spoon,
The little girls laughs as I eat with my hands.

I'm suffocating.
I want to claw my way out of my skin
Not caring how ****** and torn I'd be, for I am that already
A shredded corpse disguised as whole
Mimicking the beat from a counterfeit heart.

I'm imploding.
Being pulverized by crushing defeat
Innocence vanquished and forgotten
A casualty of immense desolation.

I'm disintegrating
Vanishing from existence
Evaporating from memory
Until all that remains is.......

It was amid the conflagration,
That I saw you, sheltered by awe,
And upon that field, where I struggling stood,
Your eyes bore upon me.
The ground was rent with the devil's snare,
The air befuddled by his mystique,
Yet your lure brought me strength.
I crawled through the bloodstained mists,
Over the entrails of a shattered humanity,
And you stood smiling at the door.
I had upon me nought but the sweltering radiance,
For the shadow, he took refuge beyond you
Your fire was my support, your glory was my shield.
I was not lost. For within you lay deliverance.
Labour it was that pushed me forth,
As the abyss of nothing was upon me
The bogs of dereliction lay under my feet. I fell.
The perfumed grass that was under yours beckoned,
I progressed.
And though I battered my demons to reach your sanctuary, you slithered away
There was sorrow behind me,
And ahead, enticing me you stood.
But I cannot reach you.
My strength has been sapped by this journey
My vitals have been beaten into submission
I shall fall here .
Perhaps it is your quest alone that is transcendental
It may be that you are but a mirage .
Even so, as I give away to that eternal night,
Your light flickers in my pupils.
I am lost in sight of your being.
You are the death of me.