i see your self improvement in waves and then eventually the waves come crashing back down, deeper into dark recesses, never rising above the surface again for long
and i am so afraid that you will remain there, forever lost

you're not pretty
like all of these other girls that you see
on the tv and in magazines
but who you are
is so unique
more than those other girls
could ever hope to be

trust me when i say
that i am trying so hard
to be a better person
in so many ways

the type of love where i catch you staring at me. longingly. admiringly. the type of love i can feel, not only hear.

the type of love where i look over at you. my eyes become fixated. locked. my heart becomes warm. full. the type of love where i look at you. and i love you. i simply. i love you.

you meet my glance. with no words. you love me back. you love me back. you don’t even need to say.

you broke me
beyond repair
it sometimes feel
but this time i
don't want to be that girl
who runs to the next man's
available set of arms
the one who still lives
inside of the sadness
you left behind for me
the one
you no longer feel
i want to heal
to wait
to believe
that something far better than you
is meant for me

you were ever rarely a good love
a bad love
an abusive love
a love that was never love
my first love