No matter how loud I dream,
I might still be drowning deep

Into the silver your delusional eyes scream
And Into the rain the sky weeps

You kept my dream protected within your fist,
the secret dream that I built from dust.

I gave you all of me over and over,
And I kept sinking lower and lower.

I sank into the realization that it's real,
I was torn and It was so hard to believe

And through the mist,
You promised, We'll rise again

And told me that you'll keep your promises
And won't just run away like others did

But still your gone and I can't find you.
I search the sky and my gaze lands on the same star.

I die again and again wondering if that's where you live,
But an illusion of your smile is all you ever give.

My soul is riven with cracks so deep and I think,
maybe someday they'll break through the surface of my skin.

Honey, please come back to me again,
Please don't let another wish go in vain

                                                               -MAY

It knocked on my door
the cracked door the guarded
the core of what I call home

I have glued it so many times
sometimes with cheap adhesive
others, I thought I'd be artsy
and used gold
maybe something broken can be beautiful
or so I thought

It was cold outside
do you think that's why it knocked?
It wanted some sanctuary some ****** heat?

It knocked with all its might
I was alone inside, enjoying my aloneness
with glue, sticking together the remains
of time

"Go away"
I screamed, I knew who it was
the door was shaking with every pound
the core of this chamber was vibrating
rippling fear, well it's not fear per say
but something I've felt before
something familiar

"I don't want you here"
I yelled it the same way
I'd say it to a returning lover
******* and your doings

The wind blew and blew
and the pounding escalated
so did my screams

I can foretell what it wants
from the pounding
I can feel it again  
just like how a song can ignite
feelings from the past
just like a cologne can time travel you
to that moment, on that street
I know what it wants

Suddenly the pounding stopped
so did the nostalgia trip
I came back to reality
with a glue stick in my hand
and a shard of glass in the other
"caution fragile pieces can cause bleeding"

My mind was not completely at peace
curiosity kicked in, OH LORD IT DID
I jolted to the door
and peeked from the peep hole
there it was, in a raincoat
standing there, looking back at me

Frantic, I felt my knees weaken
the mind sparked some logic
but the heart, that stupid heart
embraced everything else

"Let me in
I miss my home, I miss the warmth
I can see that you glued the door
the one I jolted from
the one I cracked and broke"

I was scared, it was fear this time
mixed with bits and pieces of adrenaline
"I know this feeling, I know it"
I recounted in my head, making sure
it was engraved in my thoughts

"but if I do, it's different now
this house is no longer a home
it's cushioned with protection
glued with experience
decorated with time
and fortified by mental rationale"

It knocked again
like an angry lover
aching to touch his woman again
like an insane human
coming off of his prozac

"It's time, you're rotting
from the inside, I know your beauty is eternal
but it's time you let me in"

Tears ran down my cheeks
I do miss the feeling
of sweaty palms, of butterflies
that feeling of fading into one
of smiling, of pausing time

But I do know that if I open that door
I will be the
person
to throw him out again
breaking
my cracked door
starting from scratch

What do you think?
Should I let him in
this
time
around?

or shall I wait
for the person
who comes jolting through
burning my door with passion
surprising
my core?

I am not sure I would always call things a coincidence but maybe more of a miracle.
Like the way flowers tend to bloom in the concrete cracks of sidewalks, or even in the darkest parts of my mind.
Miracles, I do believe that.

She wraps herself up in a blanket
and tucks herself in at night.
So alone in the world,
as the cold creeps around her,
and anxiety possesses her body.

She's watched her sister poison her body
with candy from the gutters.
She's watched her mother paint her own wrists
with a knife.
She feels helpless and at times hopeless,
aching for a positive change and a chance to be free.

She sees the world beautifully
and that light burns inside and flickers in her eyes,
yet the pain she sees around her takes her hostage,
and drags her around like a puppet on a string,
and like other weary souls she slips through the cracks
of secondhand pain.

There is a love I wish I'd never known;
Its bitter taste still burning on my tongue
Like steaming coffee sipped in haste.
I held my air tight to my chest, but you
Ripped it from my lungs with no warning,
Replacing it with your breath, old cigarettes,
And fumes from gasoline-soaked memories.

****, I was eighteen and had nothing left,
But you lit me on fire. You took more of me
Than I had to give, then left me alone
To create someone new out of my ashes.
Little did you know, I'd fill my cracks with gold,
Forge a new heart, then let the old one melt.
Babe, if love feeds on pain, devour someone else.

How much longer do you think I can withstand
the pain of being torn apart from the
inside out? The claws ripping into my
heart, piercing my soul, making this into
a nightmare; tear-stained wishes pouring as
love floods off my tongue, easy yet broken;
my mind running circles until the thoughts
make me dizzy and I fall; paralysed,
hypnotised, terrorised. How much longer
do you think I can cope with this hole in
my heart, the hole that can only be filled
by you? Let's count.

Hello underground.  Hello to all of your shadows.  I meet with the dimming light here at midnight.   Hello small cracks in the wall.  I peak through at you.  See what is really true.  Hello dust devils.  Silence swept you away. My recollections are all I have to say.  Hello leftovers.  Time to eat my yesterdays. And start cooking what tomorrows say.  Hello milky skin. Pale as moon and taste like love.  Its what has always been all of the above. Hello underground.  Goodbye to all of your shadows.  I leave the dimming light at noon.  Just a visit is all it was and ill be back soon.

Who am I?
What have I done?
I don't understand this skin I'm in.
The arms and legs are scarred with varying straight lines.
The torso is wide and the knees wobble when I walk.
The feet turn in and it hurts to correct.
The thighs are to big to even fit.

Who am I?
What's been happening?
I don't understand this body I'm in.
It's always sick and the skin rips too easily.
The fingernails grow way to quickly and the eyes are too big.
The freckles are uneven and there are to many pimples to count.

Who am I?
Where have I been?
I don't understand this heart and mind I'm in.
There are dark corners and shallow hallways.
Doors stay shut and I'm rather afraid.
There's an air of sadness and anxiety now,
And I don't know why I suddenly feel so alone.
There are cracks in the wall and the foundation always quivers,
Its as if it's made of glass and paper.

This body I now occupy has obviously seen rough times
This skin has obviously been cut way to many times
And this mind and heart has been shattered and put together to many times and it's missing pieces.
But I know there is a soul somewhere inside here
Trapped in a paper wall and to malnurished to move.
So until she can be found I'll nurish her mind and heart with poetry and books so she can grow big and strong.
Maybe someday she'll be strong enough to break the wall and take her place.
Back at the thrown in the heart.
Shell finally be while again.