It absolutely amazes me,
the dichotomy of how
you can make me feel so special and
unique
and simultaneously
leave me feeling so desperate and
cheap.

You are the best and the worst,
the source of my greatest joy and
deepest sorrow,
and I am sick in my desire to
not feel these extremes;
I am sick in my desire to
not
feel
anything.

It's time
to get off
this ride.

Heard a-knocking on my screen door,
You screamed up "It's me",
Funny how the flowers bloom in the back 40,
Makes me wonder if the daisies know what lies beneath,
Second guessing if the juice is worth the squeeze,
Maybe I don't know.

Last I caught wind you bought a gun and headed south,
But a .38 can sure weigh someone down,
The old fisherman said he'd weep for her no more,
Spent the rest of his days safe on the shore,
He didn't shed a tear.

Two miles in the dark,
Keep turning keys hoping for sparks,
Nothing left tonight just look up at the stars,
I don't remember much...
Though I remember a-knocking on my screen door.

Don't wait till I'm tired to encourage me,I won't move on
Don't wait till I'm crippled to tell me about miracles,I won't believe
Don't wait till I'm frozen to warm me,I won't appreciate
Don't wait until I've stepped the trap to caution me, it won't help
Don't wait till I'm shattered to tell me I can be whole, I won't listen
Don't wait for me to yawn to give me food, I won't eat it
Don't wait until the treasures are depleted to tell me if I dig I'll find
its useless to tell me passion will drive me insane after I'm out of my mind
Don't wait till I'm famous to praise my pieces, aren't you seeing them now?
Don't wait until the Antelope has turned tail to hand me the bow
Don't wait for the birds to fly off the tree to hand me the catapult
Don't wait for me to step on the live wire to lecture me about vaults
Don't wait for me to slip and fall to tell me the place is slippery when wet
Don't wait until you've wronged me to preach "forgive and forget"
Don't wait until I'm in flames to tell me not to play with fire, bury my ashes
Don't try shutting stables after they're gone, instead run after those Horses
Don't wait until I'm soaked to give me an umbrella,I won't accept
Don't wait for the storms to wreck me to show me how to sail
who can listen to instructions while battling waves and hail
Don't wait until the snake has stricken to tell me about the venoms
for a dying man has no time and ears for caution then on
Don't wait for the war to devastate and ruin to preach peace
bombs would have deafened or the machetes cut me piece by piece
Don't wait for me to plunge to ask me if I've worn a ******
like a kidnapper freeing hostages prior demanding for ransom
Don't wait until I've dived into the Sea to ask whether I can swim
Don't wait for the end of days to find out whether I believes in Him
Don't wait until I'm bleeding to tell me about the beauty of scars
or until a clear night to praise the beauty of stars
Don't wait until I'm malnourished to bring me aid
until I'm dead and gone to praise the words I said
Don't wait for my life to flood to dredge the silt
that wouldn't be kindness, that would either be mockery or guilt  
Don't wait for me to find someone to feelings for me admit
Don't wait to offer a helping hand when I'm totally deadbeat
why wait to raise a wall when you can fill the crevice
you have something to do, to instill, to say, to caution, to give
do it now while I smile, while I'm strong, while I live
Don't  speak about the adulterations after I've drunk from the chalice

i am not your kind of perfect
i am strange and difficult
and somewhat terrifying to love

have some patience
just wait and endure
don't stray, strengthen your pursuit

you will find beauty
seek further
beyond the walls, for my waiting heart

albeit old scars may be evident
together the heartbreak of yesterday
will be buried beneath the ash of our pain

if after all this
when you finally see all of me
and love me still

i vow for the rest of our days
to throw caution to the wind
and stay true, to only you

Have you ever met someone and thought,
"Whatever this is, it's never going to last"?
I have.
The first time I caught his eyes and saw his smile, I knew.
I knew that he was going to leave.
That was the time when a beginning felt like an ending.
When he was around, I only saw caution signs
telling me to turn back.
I had no guarantee. No promises. No nothing.
But I guess I was a *******.
Because I had hope for him to stay.
But alas, he didn't.
At the end, I was right.
He left me.
I never had a choice.
He was going to leave either way.

And so dawns
An age of pain
And uncertainties
And tears

But never will the great land forget
Those aches that rattle in her core
They are scars that will remain
For the grand sunrise of tomorrow

On his lonely boat
In an ocean filled with broken fish
Swimming
Surviving at the depths
Waiting to be rescued

The fisherman waits
Patiently
Examining the fish below
Waiting for his time
To use words of kindness and care
In the form of a hidden agenda

These lost fish
Desperate to find light in their darkness
They spot a sparkle at the end of his line
They observe the beauty and go to that glimmer
The goodness the fisherman is showing
They bite into his masked perception
And realize they are getting reeled
In disbelief as they get hooked closer
He snaps!
The bait out of their mouth
This kind fisherman now owns them
As they live in his bucket
Among other young fish
Controlled by him
He, who loves to play games with their fragile minds
To feel powerful and whole
As he feeds them weakness
Deviously devouring their soul
Piece by piece
Until only their skeleton remains.
One managed to escape his asylum.  

As he casted his line
Back in the blue of hope
She watched his lines
Filled with glitter
Nearing another
How does she warn the lost fish in her sea?

© Jl 2016

Fear ruptures in the pit of my stomach
Waxing and Waning
Tears ebb with only the intent to cool the Flames
At which turn did I become so deranged?