It burns my throat.
You burn my throat,
when I speak,
so I don't.
I just try to breathe through it
and stop trying to see.
You'd curse
if you could see me now,
taking in toxins
for fun.
But this is what you taught me to do,
when everything hurts.
**** my lungs,
it's not like I could
breathe before anyway.

I find myself losing more of that person,
I'm less of who I was,
less of who I wanted to be.
More paranoia,
anger,
frustration,
and anxiety
than I ever wanted.
I'm a walking shell of a human,
I don't know where my story will go next
because I move like it's already ended,
days go by in seconds,
weeks by in hours,
a month will pass in a breath yet the future still hasn't come.
The past used to follow me like a shadow,
but it seems I've turned into a
modern-day Peter Pan
and pushed it away.
And away it took all of who I was.

finally...
peace,
I can take a deep breath
and not taste metal on my tongue,
I can hear the soft sound of motors in the
distance not accompanied by
the panicky flutter of my heartbeat.
I'm aware of everything from my
toes and up.
This is a rare moment,
I take it in, feel the breeze,
look along the endless horizon,
and breathe.
For a moment I'm okay.

living in a house that isn't a home,
eating, sleeping, breathing, alone.

I light myself up from the inside out
just to feel something,
anything.
And sometimes,
if I'm lucky,
I can feel my lungs crumbling to ash.
The flames distract my heart
as smoke billows out of my throat,
I feel sane,
if I'm lucky.
My fingertips will burn
and my lips will crack
but I feel.
So I call it luck,
and breathe you out.

You taste of distance and longing.
You look like the embodiment of past,
and my eyes can never quite focus with you on my mind.
Remembering your laugh hurts and feels like a dream,
it feels like what I would imagine remembering a past life would feel like.
I'm not even sure you were ever real.
I can't remember your eyes.
But what hurts more is that you probably
can't remember mine.

Sun rays cutting across the room so you can watch the dust fly
Your heart singing to the beat of butterflies with broken wings that live
inside your chest
Child-like laughter replaces oxygen in the air
While memories of running through grass, fog over your eyes
A pale yellow/tan hue clouds around your mind
And glimpses of an old song playing on repeat
But it's all only there for a moment,
Like a deep breath in, then it's gone.

Her fingers wrapped themselves around my neck,
Her nails tried to burrow into my skin.
This is what I get for letting her in.
The taste of metal,
And salt,
And betrayal,
Fell off of my tongue.
I could feel a flame, a burning,
A crack in my lungs.
I fumbled to grasp her hand
and rip it away.
My struggles only caused her nails to cause hurt.
She grabbed hold of my words,
And gripped ******* my breath.
I know my own worth,
And this is what I get.

She isn't sadness nor anger,
but a mixture of the two.
She's darkness and
disgust laced with pain.
She's the shadow of you.

drain my lungs of all their air.
**** me, or don't, I couldn't care.