i made myself hate you
so that i could forget you
i made myself hate you
so that i could stop loving you
i made myself hate you
because i knew all along
that there was more bad than good
i made myself hate you
to save me, to save my sanity
to put myself first and foremost
i made myself hate you
so that i could begin to love me

Tooth decay and
lie in cheek.
There’s a rotten
part of me
that
continues to
manifest.
I am bitter
and this is
why I
wither away
rather than
fall to
pieces.
I am a slow,
dying,
rotten,
seething
piece of
flesh.
I am pale
with
society
and intoxicated
from all of
the pointless
conversations
we pretend
to have.

News flash
News flash
News flash







nobody is
listening.

I wonder, at times, if you regret.
Perhaps you wish you hadn't woken up in time
To catch a swinging hammer as it whistled through the air
And subsequently saved my life.

Do you wish you'd told him one time less
Not to **** me as you walked away, swaddled in blankets?
From that filthy scene, from his hands wrapped around my neck
From my strangled gasps as I fought to breathe.

Do you regret defying your doctor's warning?
He'd told you, your first pregnancy was a miracle, be satisfied
Do you wish you'd simply nodded and taken that to heart
Went home with your first baby and followed his advice?

Do you ever believe his words: there's something in me that must be beaten out?
You kept me from death despite all my tries, the whole while telling me to go
You firmly believed I should live, if only to assuage your guilt
Do you wish, just once, you'd told me "yes" instead of "no"

Do you wish you'd let me go?









I do.

I am happy in life and with the people I know
But I am not happy with you
I wouldn't go back for the world, wouldn't change a thing
But I'd never begrudge it of you.

If you went back, would you erase me, the stain on what could've been family?
Would you rip me from your perfect life and beg forgiveness for being cruel?
Or would you decide to, once again, not be my savior or mother?
With all due respect, if you would, you're a fool.

my name is bitter on your lips.
i know because i can see the way
your eyes flash, your lips curl.
i am not sweet licorice anymore.

but that is strange, because i was
never sweet. you just bit into my
center. i am the darkness in the
light. do not look into my eyes
and dare tell me what is wrong
or what is right.

you however, oh, you were always
sweet. bitter as the shell but soft
on the inside. you, oh, you were
the light inside the darkness.

i enjoyed swirling your blood on
my tongue, coating my sense of
taste in nothing else but you, sweet.
but i bit my tongue and you stung.

oh, how you stung.
and i finally knew
what it was like
to love someone
like me, as someone
such as you.

because darkness can only exist with the absence of light.
and i never needed you to complete me.

The leaves changed
early this year,

shriveled and fell
to my feet.

The breeze
grew bitter,
a spiteful sigh
blowing

a wayward leaf into
my shaking palms.
In haste, I pressed it to my heart;

                  two withered orphans, it and I

I leave myself vulnerable
Because I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Anyone could come along
And hurt it somehow.

I leave myself vulnerable
Because I try so hard
And it hurts so bad to fail.

I leave myself vulnerable
Because I always get back up.

If you posted a cry for help,
A "I'm awake and hurting, who is up? I could really use a pick me up."
People would answer.

But would you appreciate them?
No, you wouldn't.
You've never been
That type of person.

You'd talk some sort of ****
About how they don't know
What they're doing.

You did this with friends,
With family,
With me.

And you'll continue the cycle
Until you're dying and alone.

If I did that,
People would answer,
Probably a little late,
But I'd appreciate the love and support
Nonetheless.

Because when I have an issue with someone,
I tell them.
And when someone tries to help me,
With good intentions,
I appreciate them.

I'm not saying I'm better than you,
But let's face it,
I'm a little bitter because of your lies,
And I'm still better than you.

When we were joyfulness,
we were secret fireworks.
and when we were bitterness,
we were wolves in plain sight.

loneliness is ten letters, but the thought of me ending without you because i never told you to kiss me is all i think about.
     there is nothing i am more afraid of then feeling alone because i don't have you, but yet i am terrified i will have you and still feel empty.
     kissing only lasts so long but i can still remember the taste of your lips -- honey and salt in the perfect mixture of sweet and bitter, for those who wonder -- and i still hear the way you whispered my name against my neck in my dreams.

Crying
I bully myself
No tears
No weakness
Suffer in silence
I will not hear your sobs
Do not cry out from pain
Breathe in
Breathe out
Feel your anger
Not your sorrow
Feel your bitterness
There's no tomorrow
Do not be weak
Do not cry
Do not let them see
Stop being stupid
Stop being worthless
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
No one cares
Stop caring
It doesn't matter
Nothing matters
You look so ugly when you cry
You're so ugly
Why are you so awful
Why am I so awful
Why am I so mean to myself
I don't deserve this
I do deserve this
I deserve to cry
I deserve to die