There once was a small girl
She always had a smile on her face
No matter what happened nothing seemed to phase her
Then one day that smile faltered
She had a monster in her brain
No one knew that something was wrong
Then one day it turned to hell
People noticed her weight loss
People noticed her flighty look during lunch
No one knew she was going through pain
All because  of one day
They forced her to eat
They forced her sit
They didn’t realize all this was a monster’s doing


People’s life stories are not what they seem
People like you and me each hold something hidden
Deep inside our heart
This world is becoming more self centered
Girls must be skinny
Guys must be Manly
The world forces us to be a certain way
Heartbreak is common
Calories must be counted
A smile must be across everyone’s face

Fast forward that Little girls life
She’s a 7th grader now
School is fine
She likes her classes and her teachers are great
But there is a voice in her head saying she will never be good
People telling her that wasn’t true
Her best friend turning on her
Her brain confused
What did she do?
How can she fix this
Then terrible news comes upon her ears
Her best friend’s mother and step father are gone
Two people who she loved so much
Two people who had a special place in her heart are now gone
Now she must deal with Grief at 13 years old
Life felt empty felt meaningless for that girl

People’s life stories are not what they seem
People like you and me each hold something hidden
Deep inside our heart
This world is becoming more self centered
Girls must be skinny
Guys must be Manly
The world forces us to be a certain way
Heartbreak is common
Calories must be counted
A smile must be across everyone’s face

A few years later she’s now a freshman
Life has become weird without them in her life
She now has a new best friend one that treats her right
Yet there is this feeling that she can’t shake
Why must the world hate
She hears the rumors the things they say
Her brain agreeing with them
She know she’ll never be perfect
Soon she begins to feel hate towards her
She can do nothing right
Her sun is now dark
Covered by clouds
She thought that she might never feel the light again
That monster was now back but in a different form

People’s life stories are not what they seem
People like you and me each hold something hidden
Deep inside our heart
This world is becoming more self centered
Girls must be skinny
Guys must be Manly
The world forces us to be a certain way
Heartbreak is common
Calories must be counted
A smile must be across everyone’s face

As the Years go on That little girl learns how to deal
That monster never letting her escape
Whispering sweet nothings into her ear
To keep her in his Grasp
She keeps silent to protect those around her
Stress is always with in her
It’s surprising she hasn’t been hospitalized yet
The Strongest of Hearts are always the Most Broken
The Saddest of people always cheer others up
But No one ever notices that she falls in love with this monster
Her life would be meaningless without him
Just like Romeo and Juliet this is a Tragedy from the Beginning
Lost in her world no one can shake her awake
Soon she will disappear into the Darkness with her new found Lover
The only person to know the real her

People’s life stories are not what they seem
People like you and me each hold something hidden
Deep inside our heart
This world is becoming more self centered
Girls must be skinny
Guys must be Manly
The world forces us to be a certain way
Heartbreak is common
Calories must be counted
A smile must be across everyone’s face

Now this little girl is almost all grown up
Almost 17 starting to drive
She’s been on an uphill battle
But she won’t fail
That monster still lives with in her
Not letting her escape
But She knows how to control him
But sometimes he becomes powerful again
And takes over her mind
It’s a rocky path from here on out
But she won’t lose to someone who is so shallow
That he doesn’t have the guts to come out
Cause That Little girl is me
I have the wounds from all my battles
And I’m trying to win this battle
In a war I never asked to join

Waking up hostile
keeps my mind
reasonable clear
A reason for existence
When there is nothing left
of all that I once held dear

Righteous indignation
constant as a plague
Brutal vicious sense
of vengeance that
is overwhelming
over me

Arising to do battle
Awakening in force
Confronting all that tells me
to forget it and just go on

I do walk on
Mile after mile
Listening to the thoughts
coursing through my mind

Surely I know
I am then
tasked and able
to recover what
then was mine
And once again
will be my own

Surely I walk on.


-R.

(9.30.17)
-LA

I'm so tired of fighting the demons in my head, but how long will it take before I realize you're controlling them.

Colors of my imagination
Grow constantly within my mind,
Prosperous world I once created
Dragged into elder forces' fight.

The darkest matter of Ruination
Tries to destroy my universe,
But cosmic echoes of Creation
Have counterpoused their ancient force.

The oldest forces combat wildly -
There wasn't any fight like that,
The streams of power spinning blindly -
Arising essence of black shade.

The new stars' substance is arising,
From this new essence of pure dark,
Now millions of worlds are shining,
And billion fires have been sparked.

A thousand years passed after battle,
I ask its shadows (they're alive):
"How could chaotic fight to end up,
In giving birth to purest life?"

("We've witnessed universe creation,
We've seen a strength of spectral knights,
Bringing a life to new dimension
Requires energies' collapse...")

Shadows retreat - to constellations,
Last time I see the new worlds' light,
This picture - my imagination,
It's getting bleak like nighttime sky.

(inspired by Decrepit Birth and Blut Aus Nord)