I get in a strange state of mind sometimes
Felt this misery before
It is back to disrupt my life
Tend to stand aside, not much more.

It will show what a worthless weakling I am
Leaves me asking why I'm here
Plead and cry for cooperation
Detached and losing those I hold dear.

This sick fixation warps me
Health suffering consequences
Any asset absent was robbed or wrecked
Drugs crushed every last one of my defenses.

Going crazy to find relief
Addiction pulls miles of nerves
It was my own ill judgement that led me here
In a way what I deserve.

I found comfort in orange-capped needles
Counting down points til zero in the box
Began to lose my personality
My old self misplaced or sold; I forgot.

I am not stupid, at least I wasn't before,
Honestly, I promise, it is the drugs.
Think their tendrils reach my brain to the core
Shoo them then later feel in my skull a tug.

I know what I have to do
Problem is, it's hard,
Don't know why I can't pull free
The reason addicts are how they are.

I am afraid I'll forever be a slave
Too far gone to break empty routines
Knew at the start but thought there was a way around
The loopholeless addiction gene.

hour by hour the morning turns into afternoon and the afternoon turns into evening

and I don’t think of you.

the evening fades into the depth of night as i’m driving down a dark empty road.

the memories of us begin to flood in and suddenly i’m drowning;

until dawn saves me again.

--The line torturing
its always held me back
staring, mocking, my resolve
it nips my foot
a friendly reminder;
it tells me theirs nothing
on the other side
yet, something scratches
my throat to voice what
everyone hated me for
Was it an opinion?--

As flies buzzing around rotting flesh,
the sound of loneliness remains.
Incessantly,
surrounding me.

Alone.

Afraid of everything.
Afraid of myself
and the thoughts inside my head.
Afraid of being alone and afraid of not being alone.
A constant paradox which I can't rid myself of

People hurt you.
expectations hurt you.

There is a scream trapped in my throat.
A scream for help,
scared of coming out.
Better off kept away, safe from the world,
as its owner suffers in silence.

With all the delights that this day has pumped in me,
I shall exhale,evaluating.
Nothing frights me though,
Yet at times my humility easily goes.

A fearless vagabond that I have turned into,
Even the merciless,to look into my eyes, does not dare.
I am in no haste,
Even my trots have the power to leap and make a thud such that everybody fall off their steps.

Your stares that I descry,
No more make a difference to me.
For I am immune and have no envy,fear,agitations,trepidations or gluttonous desires.
It is no shame,those sights be such a common thing and all the same.

I have no back story and none coming forth,shortly or in this life,
I don't hestitate to yell what many of you cannot spell.
For all the stabs faced,
Birthed a scabbard and a sword in one frame.

The truth could be my lingua franca,
Forlorn be the brethren of my creed.
Repressed and silenced are my alarms of seize fire over the border,
Mollifying and tranquilizing be a part of my duty.

To stand the repercussion of my sins counts in my atonement,
For it is never an evanesce,too late.
I fear no hell or purgatory,
For I have witnessed worse in some eyes.

Victimization is a poor retreat,
To harangue them and present self with an ode is no feat.
Patience is my dagger to time,
And threatening each other we walk rakishly hand in hand.

To trail back,
Is not for me that fatal.
I emancipate the baited,
And buster am I of existing parasites.

Liberty is my boundary,
I would dare not to annihilate a choice.
But I do not condone either,
For I hate to feel withered and there is no way I may let go.

I am relentless,
I would not mind if you address me as a bovine.
I am cathartic and hysterical,most of all a contributor here,
An energy straight from plasma,unsimplified.