Your kisses ignite a fire I did not know was flaming,
in our silence there can be no blaming,
only pure passion and words with body movement,
flaws make you beautifully dangerous, no need for improvement,

Your eyes tell me stories your lips never shall,
My infatuation is something I will no longer corral.

It is both sad and funny how your heart can break in two,
when you're surrounded by people who claim to care about you.

How can I break free when loving you is weighing me down,
I'm so caught up in trying to fly and don't realize I'm still on the ground.

I'm typical and predictable and I never learn,
Too afraid to hit the ground so I never go for what I truly yearn.

I'm drowning in the pool of the very tears I have cried,
Not realizing that all I need to do is simply stand to survive.

Was it love or was it hate? either way it doesn't truly matter,
You took a gun and pointed it at my heart and our memories have stained me like blood spatter.

Sometimes I wish I had never met you at all.
Never known the warmth of your eyes,
Or the way your breathing grows rhythmic when to sleep you slowly fall.

Sometimes I wish I had never heard your laughter.
Never known the way your smile could make my heart cease,
Before you a blank page and now you've left a crease.

I’m sorry, but did you forget?

Did you forget that upon your head lays a crown because you are a prize and you deserve to be treated like a ******* queen?

Did you forget that you are worth just as much, if not more, than he is and that you should only put yourself second if the favor is returned?

Did you lose your way?

Did you begin to tell yourself that the sad excuse of a man that exists in status quo is all you are deserving of? Worthy of? Desiring of?

Did you lose sight of the fact that you are going to take the world by the reins and be a ******* storm that after you are through, people will understand why they use names for hurricanes?

Did you let yourself believe the lies?

Did you let yourself think that perhaps it was your fault? That maybe because you didn’t work out or didn’t look like that, that maybe he could never love you as much?

Did you lie?

Did you lie to yourself so that you would accept the mediocre treatment of a relationship on life support, happiness based on a momentary high, sadness painted beautiful so that you would want to stay?

Did you let yourself be afraid?

Afraid of hearing the answer that would make you walk away, when you really wanted to stay, so you resigned yourself to the silence and emptiness of unrequited love: are you afraid?

It is not cliché to have self-worth. It is not cliché to say you are worth it. It is not cliché to walk away from a man when he doesn’t know what gold he has in his hands.

You are not cliché.

You. Are. Magnificent.

You are every color combined, every emotion ever felt, you are stardust in tangible design, you are a masterpiece.

You are the happiness everyone craves, you are the warmth in the sun’s rays, you are freedom amongst the ocean’s waves.

You are so much more than you believe yourself to be, and all that mirrors try their best to deceive,

And darling: it is okay to bleed.

Because bleeding isn’t weakness. Bleeding isn’t beauty. Bleeding is about being a ******* human.

Do not hold back.

Life is too short to waste time on boys who can’t make up their minds.
You only feel weighed down because you carry a load that isn’t yours.

It is not you. It never was. And it never will be.

It is not your fault they don’t see your beauty, people miss the sunrise and sunset and the point of art in a museum to make you feel and for music to make you reel: it is not your fault they are blind to elegance.

So ask him the question and move on from there, but do not be afraid of walking away.

You may love him, and he may love you, but if the time isn’t right, you must bid him adieu.

You are too beautiful.

Too beautiful to be an “almost relationship” kind of girl, not the hook up or the girlfriend but something in between, too **** beautiful to not be critically acclaimed.

And that is not being conceited.

The worst thing is to feel alone, in between arms that should be your home.

If he is worth the question, he will have an answer.

If not, you will walk away. And guess what, the sun will live to see another day.

The high isn’t worth the downfall, and you shouldn’t live a life where instead of walking you just crawl.

So man the hell up, and stand very tall
The crown may slip, but never shall it fall.

You're like the gap of silence between heart beats.
You leave me in anticipation,
consumed by utter contemplation,
Will I beat again?

You're like the rose surrounded by thorns.
There's no way to reach without getting pricked,
This is your way to avoid getting picked,
Is it worth it to bleed for your love?

You're like tide on any given day.
You're beautiful and yet unpredictable and coy,
Wielding the power to give or destroy,
Will I drown or will you save me?

You're just a person, someone with a name,
But in your world it is a zero sum game,
For you to be happy, others must suffer,
The choices are to either shatter or grow tougher.

I wish I could tell you how angry I feel,
the betrayal, the sadness, how I fought what was real,
it was one thing after another, constantly pounding me down,
I so desperately wanted smiles, but all I could muster was frowns.

I now know what it feels like to be close to the ground,
To be so lost in translation, to never be found.

“Oh”
Two letters. One syllable. Packing more punch than an insect striking a windshield. At least in that scenario, the pain is momentary, release is instant.

But you. You said that simple word and the emptiness in the silence that followed was anything but. Because what it truly meant was disappointment. Confusion. Regret.

“I wish I would have known”
That’s why I was telling you now. Shouldn’t that have accounted for something? Shouldn’t you have seen it was hard for me to tell you that.

Falling asleep.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to know what was going on inside of your head because **** me, I liked you now and then that happened and now I felt uneasy of myself. Of my worth. All of it through the lens of you.

I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know what. Did I do something, or is it because of what I didn’t do? Just speak your truth to me.

“Sleep well”
With an emoji. Does that equate emotion? Or is it a filler for words you don’t know how to say, feelings you can’t convey, the way you’ll break my heart eventually but for now I should ‘sleep well’, sleep well.

Well it’s hard to sleep when the person you care about is the one keeping you awake at night. Do you even still care.

“Sweet dreams”
I say. But what I really mean is I miss you. Do you miss me? I miss your touch, your laugh, the way you slightly smile when you pull back from kissing me, the way you looked at me as you hovered above: that look of genuine desire. Was it all just physical?

Only time will tell. But in the meantime I hate the social constructs that tell me to play this game, to wait it out? To not look clingy? To not want someone. I hate it. But that’s the rules of the game.

So. Your move.

I wish love destroyed you,
But it doesn't do you that courtesy,
It wounds and maimes you,
And it leaves you alive,
It doesn't do you the justice of a mercy killing,
We bleed again and again,
The scars come and never leave,
Forever altered by all of the moments,
Love isn't poetic,
Love is the cache 22 that reminds us that even if you're in heaven right now,
The devil used to also be god's favorite angel,
And hell isn't so far away after all.

I jot down my thoughts of you on any pieces of paper I can find,
My thoughts like these papers, loose leaf and wild, somehow only further our bind,
I search for words that purge and lessen the urge to reach our and tell you "I miss you",
Because you're fine without my lips, my tongue, or my kiss & they say don't go back to what hurt you.

But ******* do I miss you.

I miss you in the simplest of moments when alone with my heartbeat I sigh,
You showed me such beauty and reached into my soul and now that you're gone I just cry,
Cry for what we had, and for what we could have been,
I'm sure now that loving you was my very greatest sin.

So I write down on parchment the words I'll never say and alone with my memories I sigh,
& so I'll wait for the day when I can wake up and say it's not in your arms I wish to lie.

I feel like screaming.
I want to forget everything.
Forget every moment you made me smile, every hug that made me feel warm, every promise that passed through your lips.
I want to forget how your voice sounds, I want to forget how your eyes squint when you smile, I want to forget the way you used to look at me
I want to forget.
I want to cry until my eyes couldn’t see you if I tried, I want to tell my brain to forget you were ever alive,
They say you don’t know heartbreak until it’s too late, I should’ve known you weren’t a risk to take.
Someone give my heart the memo: love is just a game,
And it always seems to start with your name.
I wonder, if I removed myself from the equation would you be just fine?
I wonder, if I hadn’t opened up to you so much would I have been hurt so deeply this time?
Do I stroke your ego? Is that why you keep me around?
It’s nice to hear pretty things from pretty girls,
But you were just a pretty boy with pretty lies.
One day, one day, one day.
But always chasing tomorrow doesn’t mean you’ll stay.
How could happiness and sadness be so alike?
So this is what madness feels like.

Open a document once again
Miss you once again
Want you once again
Cry once again.

I write page after page of my heart upon these pages
Of forgotten words and unspoken phrases
Its been months now but I still find myself missing you in moments when I wish to think of anything else
Everytime I get better, I fall back into reverse
You taught me to drive stick shift and you held my hand first
A kiss from you on my cheek thrilled me more than any on my lips
I forever wanted to feel you on my fingertips

Stop.
Shift into park.
God how I remember your soul as my favorite kind of art
You touched me in ways that when you left I fell apart
Clinging to our memories, I wished for a fresh start

But no matter how far we wander we seem to find our way back
For split moments in smiles or laughter, for a funny **** picture
Its as if you split open my heart and play my sadness like a movie feature
What did you do to turn me into this creature.

This creature who loves you but will never utter a word
This creature who will love you the way that she herself deserves.

What happens when your ink across my skin runs dry,
Does it stain or does it fade?
I hope I am etched into your memory the way you are carved into my skin,
Pull me closer darling you are my darkest sin,
In your silence you have said more than your tongue ever could,
You've marked my life by making memories in every place we have stood,
So I ask myself how is it that you free yourself from chains that are dragging you under,
Open your eyes and realize that you have within you the power of thunder,
Dear sweet darling, my greatest deceiver I hope you learn to make haste,
Otherwise your sins shall catch up and I hope you like how misery tastes.

"He doesn't deserve you" she whispered to herself, but her emotions betrayed her soul,
She looked and felt older, her heart slightly colder, because loving him had taken it's toll,
It was a one-way street in which to him she gave it her very all,
but he was never there, he never cared, he didn't even try to prevent her fall,
She made excuses for everything wrong and told herself he could find redemption,
it seemed as if with him, her perfect sin, she could always make an exception,
He made her feel as if she was hard to love, and she would always wonder what was wrong,
She would lie awake at night and wonder why with him she couldn't be strong,
There came a moment when it all made sense, she knew what she had to do,
He wasn't worth it, and he never could be, because you can't love someone who doesn't love you.

I wanted to drown out the world with you,
To put you in my ears and turn up the volume until you were all I could hear,
Because even if you only consisted of a few simple chords, your melody was my favorite
It was so unexpected and broken and yet lovely
I could listen to you laugh for hours, I could gaze at you for even longer
There was something in the way you looked at me and when you kissed me we made music,
Tell me how to relive it all again
The moment I met you, the moment our lips first met, the moment I fell in love with you,
But even the most beautiful of songs come to an end,
And I will never understand,
But I never did learn how to read sheet music.

From your lips fell a sugar so sweet,
It left me spoiled and rotten and unable to keep,
From your eyes a gaze so warm just like the sunrise,
You were the very art of my demise

For now as you kiss me,
I know that you'll miss me.
Even if you say you can go everyday,
Without my prescence and love as you lay,
My lips will always ache for your touch,
But that doesn't compare to how deeply my mind and soul miss you so much.

What once broke me is what now builds me up,
You're my insanity and clarity in one lovely cup,
This is what it feels like to be entirely out of control,
So deeply in love, touching soul to soul.

I can't compete with her,
and frankly I don't want to.
It's her you talk to in public,
it's her everyone thinks you're with or at least want to be with.
I'm just this weird shadow,
someone  you hang out with when no one knows
I wasn't built for this silence,
I really have to go,
My name is more than just an arrangement of the piece of the alphabet you know,
My attention is worth more than your stolen glances,
I refuse to be content with your mere chances.

It was when you said you didn't feel the same,
That I could finally start breathing again.

Break my heart again
this time I dare you,
Shatter my mind and soul
This time I'll be over you.

Cracked
Kaleidoscope memories of you
Beautiful if turned one way, and muddled when turned another
But do I want to search for its beauty?
Do I want to search for you?

My fingers graze things you once held, searching for echoes of your finger tips,
My fingers graze my skin hoping to remember how you feel,

If I turn up the volume, will it give me comfort the way your voice used to?
The pause between words have me grasping on to the way I held your silence between my lips,

I remember your words and whispered promises as if they were etched onto my skin,
No longer a blank canvas,
My eternal mark of you,

Bring me closer, let me look you in those dubious eyes,
Let me bring my lips almost to a kiss and ask for another pretty lie.

My mind fumbles for words to express how I feel,
Every memory of us replaying on repeat on a reel,
From the moment you saw me to when our lips meet under stars,
Until you closed yourself from me and locked your heart behind bars,
I've never known how it felt to have a gaze once so warm,
Turn into a stranger who's words would harm,
I'm not sure what triggered the dark change,
But you became the kind of poetry in my heart will rage.

I don't know what's real and I can't tell if it's you,
Is this my reality or have I dilluded myself too far to see what's true.

My heart aches quietly for a rest that will never come,
Except for the moments when it is to you that I run.

You have the power to put me at the very best highs and lowest of lows,
I'm begging you if you love me, if you love me let me go.

Dear heart, don't cry,
There's a difference in what it feels like to fall and fly,
Your pain is an allusion caused by pure confusion,
Please remember how precious you are.

Before you I was a closed off person,
I buried my heart under layers of clothing and it never went on excursion,
But something about you brought me out of my shell,
Yet if you ask me what it is something that I could never tell,

Before you my heart was protected from feeling sadness or rage,
But your love cut me open and ripped my poor heart right out of its protective cage.

You were so sweet, you were rotten.

She was a free spirit

And where the wind went, she did too,
and though she smiled, she was blue,
but she hid it so well that you never knew,

Her eyes didn't sparkle because of light but rather tears,
but you would never hear her voice her fears,
she liked uncontrollable laughter because it'd help her forget,
all of her worries of things she didn't know yet,

She'd find herself thinking of lost places and faces,
that she could only be with if in dreams she went on chases,
there is something to be said about the girl who feels alone,
because she's surrounded by a world that she feels she's outgrown

"No"
That was the single word you could not spare,
Could not or would not, it would have released me from your snare,
but you wanted to keep me at your beck and call,
so you simply decided to say nothing at all.

Bit by bit I am sold,
To every lie your body has told,
I have romanticized what I adored,
And it has left me broken on the floor.

Flowers tell stories the world never hears,
they blossom and bloom, and die without fears,
I wish I had strength to spring from the stem,
and be able to start life all over again.