we are not living
we are surviving
everyday

facing new problems
and overcoming obstacles
or hitting all time lows
and crumbling to rock bottom

we are all
just surviving
for just as long
as we can

s.s

i am aware i speak ill of love
but that is only because
i've felt the heartache of love
the pain that coincides
with those sweet butterflies

s.s

you can delete their contact
block their number
and erase all of their texts

you can burn the pictures
shred the letters
and donate every gift

you can purge yourself of all tangible evidence
that they ever entered your life

but you will never be able to get rid of the way they made you feel

you will never be able to forget their laugh
or the look in their eyes when they told you they loved you

you will never be able to erase the way their touch felt to your skin
or the way it made you feel something you couldn't put into words

you will never be able to delete everything they said from your brain
and it will ring in the air when no one is around

and you will most definitely never be able to obliterate the way they broke your heart
and it will always burn and take your breath away when you hear their name

s.s

i can see the ocean in your eyes
and taste the galaxy on your tongue
but that's only if i ignore
the bloodshot glaze
and bitter taste of smoke

s.s

talking through the tension
attempting to ignore the feeling in the air
the one we never mention
because we like to pretend it isn't there
that every glare is a misunderstanding
that you are only having a bad day
so we keep talking through the tension
and just push it all away

s.s

people's minds are terrible places
like the devil's dark oasis
and it may be better not to know
what happens behind those closed doors
for in the crevices of our brains
live haunting demons left untamed
where people dream and fantasize
of selfish deeds and taking lives

s.s

you were the best mistake
i've ever made
and i couldn't have asked
to fall in love
with anyone
better

s.s

blue in his eyes
blue in his veins
the type of chill
makes you insane
but he felt hot
kiss of a flame
pressed against skin
whisper my name
cool toned and blue
sets you aflame
looking laid back
playing the game

s.s

i want to get high in foreign cities
travel to places i have yet to lay my eyes on
pack a bag and take off, my only motive to feel free
i want to kiss lovers on pavement my toes have never touched
beneath trees rooted with legends in their leaves
ensuring everlasting love
and i want to feel light, rather than weighed down
anchored to one small town
i want to drop everything and get away
to places where time is altered
and the stars are always present
whether it be in the night sky or people's eyes
i want to fall in love with strangers, cities, and scenes
i crave so deeply to feel free
to start anew

but at the same time
i want you to come too

s.s

i wonder
what it feels like
right before
you take the step
into peace
and your body
hits the water

s.s

by the time i saw you
your eyes were already red with tears i failed to catch
and somehow i knew
this was the end

for if i was there sooner
i would have been able to catch all of the broken pieces of your heart
and help you put them back together

but instead your heart hit the floor
and shattered
where i should have stood

so now both of us
are staring at the ground
and somehow i know
this is the end

s.s

im falling
and i need a foothold
your arms catch me
steadying me
but somehow
im only falling faster

s.s

it is always back there
in the farthest corners of my mind
waiting to seep out after sunset
at the lowest moments

and it aches
making everything heavy
like cement rolling through my veins
weighing me down so i can no longer run

it holds me like a planet in orbit
making itself the center of my universe
yet it is the farthest thing from a bright star

so i just sit
staring into the darkness
but not seeing
only feeling
feeling the feeling of not wanting to feel

s.s

cyclones flooding cities
stealing memories that can never be replaced
tornadoes leaving jagged paths on perfect towns
like scars on pristine landscape that take a lifetime heal

storms like these are unforgettable
so what i'm trying to say
is that

i am a complete wreck
and you're a walking disaster
so the storms in our eyes
will be hurricanes
and our love
unforgettable

s.s

walking away from you
is the hardest thing i've ever had to do
but i need to fix myself
and i spend too much time fixing you

s.s

it is overwhelming
the ache in my chest
it breaks apart my insides
leaving happiness oppressed
and the voices they whisper
but elevate to screams
stealing me from sleeping
or invading my dreams
and i'm doing my best
to put up a fight
but the voices are stronger
and they've won for tonight

s.s

do you ever feel
that life isn't right
that things are not the way they're supposed to be
you look around and the world is
distorted
dull
different
but you can’t do anything to fix it

no matter how hard you try

s.s

it continues to amaze me
     everyday
how those little things
are so awe worthy
it is so bizarre
how something like a smile
can invoke
     such
        immeasurable
           emotion
or how a pair of eyes
can set fire to your insides
and make you feel a rush
you can't even put into words
it is
all in all
     fascinating
how a single person
can make you want to
     l i v e
when nothing else does

s.s

i can’t get you out of my head
******* it’s the only thing i’m thinking
i don’t even want to get out of bed
**** why can’t i stop crying

this would never work?
i would have done anything to make it
but i would only be a ****
asking you to stay just to fake it

i can’t wait till the day
i get over you
instead of wishing you would stay
when there’s nothing i could do

i hope everything is okay
i still worry about you
i engraved you in my heart
you're still one of my first thoughts in the morning
i want to be normal friends
i miss the conversation
how's your girlfriend
i hope you're happy with her
how's the family
i hope they're well too
i hate how awkward we are now
anyways
i hope you're doing well
i am i promise

s.s

here we are
on this crazy ride
an end fast approaching
and i don't want to get off
but eventually
i'll have to feel solid ground
and i've always been afraid of heights
but you are worth falling for
you are something i'll never forget
i'll never regret
you are worth every second
an adrenaline rush
and a safety harness
all at once
and i wish we had
endless time
and our thrills
weren't so hopeless

s.s

he was hers
she was his
even if they weren't together
they were tied at the heart
waiting for a miracle
or for life to finally cut the tie

only time will tell

s.s

create poetry
with your lips pressed together
love is the best art

s.s

sometimes love
just isn't enough

s.s

to be honest
i'm not sure what we were
these memories are flooding my head
and there's so much i want to say
so much i want to know

do you miss me
do you see me and feel your heart ache
do you think about me before you drift off to sleep
do you you get high to forget me
or does this all not matter

i miss you more than i should
seeing you and knowing you arent mine makes me sick to my stomach
you're the first and last thought to cross my mind every day
i've tried to get high in as many ways as possible to keep my mind away from you
this all matters too much, i shouldn't feel this much

to be honest
i can't stop thinking about what we were
and if you're thinking about it too

s.s

hours to end
seconds to start
the endless thinking
brain gears spinning out of control
thoughts demanding attention

trying to sleep
it keeps you awake
causing feelings in your stomach and chest
to match the madness in your mind
dangerously debilitating

finnaly they wear you down
as you slip into comatose
your body and brain exhausted from fighting
your eyes as red as the blood on your skin
your breaths slowing as you drift away
and you sleep

but the first breath awake
from a soft sad slumber
is a jumpstart
and everything wakes up
the thoughts are running like a raging river
loathing the time they lost as you dreamt

and now you're awake
staring at the ceiling fan
nauseous from the spinning
and the reality of being awake

s.s

bodies pressed together
he whispered
"i needed you"

bittersweet
was the feeling
of his skin

s.s

it is completely confusing
how just weeks ago
you spoke with sugar dripping from your tongue
every word you uttered undeniably sweet
and you traced my skin with the stars in your eyes
saying nothing could break this
yet now you break me
with evident ease
and act as though this was all a joke
that every charming word you spoke
was a lie to get what you want
and now its not worth the effort
and you are unaffected
simply moved on in a matter of hours
like this didn't even happen
as though you've erased it from your memory
i dont even know if it was ever true
i just know i did love you
**** i still do
and maybe that wasn't mutual
ever and never will be
i want to believe you cared
but it's hard when you act this way
you joke and laugh and ignore it all
it's probably good you didnt stay
because how could you tell me one thing
that you're hurting just like me
then act the opposite
like you dont care and that's plain to see

unconditional
what a divine way to describe it

how else would you say
that i will love you
no matter how much you hurt me
that you could **** me
and i'd die
with a smile
plastered across my face
simply from the touch of your skin
and i'd die
with salty love filling my eyes
and pouring over the face
you once called yours

ah yes, unconditional
i couldn't have described it better

s.s

death is terrifying
but only because it is the unknown
we are always afraid of what we don't know

maybe that's why i can't bring myself to ask you
if you still care
or maybe that's why i can't swallow
these little round tickets to freedom
sitting in my hand

because it is unknown

and it is terrifying

but in all honesty
the unknown
of living without you
is so much worse
and it is unknown
what i will do next
because the one thing i do know

is that i can't do this

s.s

this love thing is a mess
it's a trap
and we seem to fall so innocently into it

it creeps up on you slowly
until one day you realise what it is
and there's no getting rid of it
and you're happy
you're so ******* happy
there is now a reason to deal with the madness
it's a safe haven in a chaotic world
it's a place to run when things go wrong
it's a feeling of home wherever you are
and you're happy

you're happy until it ends
then you're lost
it's like you're missing a piece of you
and you numb yourself to it
you try to ignore it but it presses against your brain
you can't think of anything else
they're happy and you can't even sleep
you're holding back tears every **** second
and they're laughing like a burden has been lifted

this love thing is a mess
a disaster
a puddle of feelings you can't seem to sort
it breaks you over and over
till there's nothing left to break

i am living three different lives and not one if them makes sense
filled with alcohol and raised voices
dark nights with questionable choices
i don't know who i am
i let others decide for me
all i know is i'm a mess
and these demons seem to adore me
i have some issues i can't sort out
problems nobody knows about
the skeletons in my closet
are clawing at the door
but there's already so much mess outside
how could there be more
i'm overwhelmed and tired
don't know where to go
i can't stand being vulnerable
but some wounds we have to show

s.s

is it pathetic
that i would still be there
if you ever needed me

s.s

she built a home for him in her heart

but he moved out and left it empty

so now her insides feel like a ghost town

with a haunting vacancy from lost love

s.s

i wish i could read minds
because the vibes are deafening
and i don't know what you're thinking
but i know something is wrong
i feel it
and see it
but i still don't know
what is causing it

s.s

nothing hurts more
than the sweet lies
of fake romances
and the wasted time
of too many undeserved chances

s.s

they were caught somewhere in the middle
between strangers and lovers
like where the waves hit the shore

not quite the sea
but not yet land

s.s

you were my soul mate
but i was not yours
so i will wear black to your wedding
and watch my hope for your love
pass on

s.s

i can feel the weight of the world
cracking my bones
as it rest upon my shoulders
causing floorboards to moan
pressing down on my being
suffocating as so
as i struggle to stand
but the weight just won't go

s.s

i am from waiting rooms
from linoleum floors and iv cords
i am from sirens
(they scream in the front yard
as loud as my mother)
i am from my father's sickness
an eight year old adult
i learned to care for everyone
but myself

i am from mixed drinks and four counts
from nights as blurred as her vision
i am from all the words she won't remember
and the way they distort my self image
from too much responsibility
i am from the mothers day cards
my litte sister addresses to me

i am from my only Florida home
avocados and iced tea
from shared stories in the back yard
the boy i loved, who broke my heart

in my closet there was a cardboard box
filled with skeletons and secrets
a mix of different memories
to never forget what built me
i am from those moments
the calm, the chaos
the lovely life i lived

s.s

we could have worked
it just takes effort

s.s

what if
we weren't meant to be and the stars in our eyes were born in different galaxies where their light will never mix or even come close to touching

what if
we're wasting time that we will never get back by pouring love into each other but never getting anywhere like watering plants that never seem grow

what if
we are fighting for something that's already gone like trying to raise the dead but just like the horror films we need to learn to let go

what if
we never see the future that we speak of in secret and it's all just a dream that we can only wake up from and realize it's not real

what if
we're killing each other without knowing like sitting in the closed garage with the car running breathing in something you can't see but is deadly

what if
we met at the wrong time like a freak accident on an empty highway we collided and created a mess to big for us to handle

what if
this isn't right but we can't tell because i have bad vision and you can't see through the *** smoke so we just keep blindly searching for a way to make it work

what if
you don't actually love me but i love you and it takes two to dance to this song but you're on the side lines and i'm shuffling my feet in an empty ballroom

what if
what if
what if

you hit my phone up
"any chance you're awake"
during the late hours
in your intoxicated state

s.s

please forgive me
when i go
but there was a sadness in me
i never did show

i kept it buried inside
where only i could feel
and i tried to tell myself
that it just wasn't real

i hid it from all
because it knew what it did
it tears you apart
with a darkness you can't rid

and i have tried my best
and thought i could handle it
but it has been so long
it is time i give in to it

so i bid my farewell
it will be better this way
and know it's not your fault
but i could no longer stay.

s.s

i don't know what i'm feeling

nothing makes sense
it all contradicts

one day you miss me
one day you forget me
one day i can't stand you
one day i just crave you

you can't even make up your mind
how am i supposed to make up mine

i hate you
i adore you
i want none of you
i want more of you

why the **** do i still love you
why the **** can't i let go of you

s.s

i bleed my soul on paper
all through a poets euphoric bliss
to avoid bleeding life
all through severely broken wrist

s.s

he had traveled the world
seeing every beautiful sight there is to see
views that leave you in awe
and make you believe
this world can create
amazing things
he has seen colors
you can't even imagine
painted across the sky
and sprouted from the ground
but even after traveling
sea to sea
she was the only sight
that took his breath away
and made his heart
skip a beat

s.s

write so many words that you can stitch together the bleeding slits on your skin with delicate sentences of the heartache that caused them

write so many words that lullabies pour out of you like soft waterfalls flowing to your childrens ears letting them know that the world isn't always as bad as it seems

write so many words that they overflow on the empty pages of books setting whole universes to life in the minds of millions

write so many words that you can never look at this earth the same because everything you see forms dazzling poetry in your head

write so many words that your hand aches from the relief of pouring out your soul on paper and setting your relentless thoughts to rest with every letter

just write

write until the world feels right again

s.s

i write when i'm overflowing with emotion

and can no longer contain it

so it is honestly incredible how much you've hurt me

because right now i could fill the ocean with everything i'm feeling

yet i can't even pick up my pen

s.s

he looked like
everything pure in the world
and she felt like
everything evil

s.s