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FOR:  JORGE GUZMAN
I'm glad you took everything that would remind me of you.
Cause I don't want to remember anything we went through.
I don't want to remember your laughter, your face..
Or how you ripped out my heart and left a hole in its place.
I don't want to think about how easily you left.
Or wonder why I am forced to, when you can so easily forget.
I don't want to feel lonely just because you're not around.
I wish I too could quickly find someone else to help me not feel down..
But I haven't and it feels like the world is crushing my chest.
Words can never explain just how much I'm depressed...
How could you hurt some body who loved you so much??
I would have done anything for you! How was that not enough?...
Now it's back to square one.. Alone and in pain, too...
And still... I hope what you did to me... NEVER happens to you...
BY: MIRANDA MARTINEZ-PEREZ
November 13th, 2016 (5:47pm)
              ©MLOVE2016
We've been down this road before.
Each time it hurts a little more.
I really don't know what you want from me.
When we are doing good, WHY won't you let it be?
I know that you love me, don't say that you don't.
We say we can find better, but we both know that we won't.
Cause the connection we've shared.. and you know we still do...
We were a match made in Heaven, Hell, and Earth, too..
What we have in common outweighs our differences by a ton...
There's examples I can say, but showing you'd be more fun..
Like our saying, "If you know what I mean..."
Face-down, biting pillows, so I wouldn't scream.
You can not say I never tried to surprise you...
With outfits, gifts, whatever you wanted - I'd buy you...
Who's out there putting in more effort to be with you than me?
If someone else is - fine, as long as you're happy....
But just let me know, though, tell me the truth.
Don't drag me along. Don't leave me waiting for you...
Come out and say it, if you know you're not coming back.
After all we've been through, you should at least give me that...
Cause just as ready as I am to keep up the fight..
I'm just as ready for the final good bye...
So think about it long, and think about it hard...
Next time we talk - tell me.. if we're the "has been" or "are..."
To: Guzman
By: Miranda Martinez
©MLove559

Wed. Sep. 12th, 2018
7:32am
I was doing okay when I was alone...
Before you...
I was happy, healthy, vibrant, and strong...
You know it's true...
.... Then you came along...
There wasn't an instant connection...
It wasn't "Love at first sight..."
I got a text saying that you wanted my number...
After seeing how **** you were - I text back, "Yeeeaaah riiiiiight!!!"

But it was true...
©MLove559
Thursday, July 26, 2018 - 10:23pm
Quick one for my love. Thinking about you.

**July 16, 2016 my life was changed. You were there... The rest is history....
There's nothing more I'd like to do,
Then snuggle in close and fall asleep with you..
& right now I'm a lot closer to you than I've been since the last time...
The last time you were here.. I know it's been on your mind..
It's on mine...
& the last time we spoke - you asked to see me..
I said, "No," but it felt like I denied my lungs the air needed for breathing...

....Changed thoughts....

Man, I really hate crying.
I can't stop, but I'm trying.
There's no point in fighting..
Both actions waste time.
If you asked & I told you, "I'm doing fine,"
You can rest assure that THEN I'd be lying...
But I know eventually.. I'll be alright....
I can't change those who I feel crossed the line...
But I can change the thoughts I repeat in my mind.
By: Miranda Martinez
©MLove559

I know the end doesn't sound much like an ending. I fell asleep while writing this .. Twice. Anyhow.... Everything I write is just to get out emotions I feel would be detrimental to my health if otberwise kept in.... They're more for me... Just Can't keep track of my notebooks as well as I used to...
Finally, she made it home... Exhausted both mentally and physically
from the long, hot days before.... Exhausted...
Too worn out to take anything out of her car,
she drags herself
and her purse
inside her house, down her hallway to her bedroom door.
She can't see anything, because the change from beautiful, bright, life-giving sunlight to cold and hollow darkness
is sudden and drastic.
Yet...
Somehow she manages to unlock her door....

Everything is in order,
the way she left it.
His picture
still hanging above her bed.
The one she knew she could get lost in...
She drops her bag onto her bed, steps up on the stepping stool and then drops herself down next to it..

She turns to face her wall..
To see him...
His smile...
His eyes....
His beautiful soul still shining through....
Even in a picture...
She smiles.
Grateful and happy that he's smiling and she can see it...
It didn't matter that he was no longer physically in her life.....

In this moment..
He was there...
And she felt safe in this moment...
The last thing she seen before she closed her eyes...
Was his smiling face.....
As she drifted off, she kept his smile vivid in her mind's eye...
And in the precise moment before his image faded into the dark abyss..
she heard him say,
"Goodnight babe. I love you."

..... And that was ALL that she wanted.
One day I got home from work so tired! I had been neglecting sleep for far too long at that point... Jorge and I were broken up for close to 2 months at that point... I wrote most of this as I layed there thinking about every thing going on in My life at that time... But, really.. none of it mattered... I just wanted SO BAAD to hear him tell me he loved me and goodnight... And I know it might sound crazy... But as I was drifting off - I clearly heard him say it.... I wrote the end as soon as I woke up....
I really want to call you
& tell you I still care...
But I know you won't say it back &.. I don't think it's fair..

Yesterday could've been our anniversary...
But you were not around..
All you ever do is let me down.. I should be used to this by now...

I still hope that you'll show up and sweep me off my feet...
I'm visualizing you here with me....
Cause without you- I'm complete.

Idk.. I miss you Jorge G....
By Miranda Martinez-Perez
Tuesday, July 17, 2018 @ 10:13am

©MLove559
I Will Never Give Up on You  
By: Miranda Martinez-Perez  

I've  been to a place "they" would consider "the top,"
And it felt great... that was.. until I fell.
It was a long way down. Would it hurt? I thought not;
And I was wrong, cause it hurt like H*ll.

I've hit rock bottom with an awful THUD.
Took me a while to realize I was still alive.
I wondered if it'd even be worth it to get back up..
Then pondered if I should just accept this is how I would die.

But something inside of me wasn't ready to fail.
I wasn't  ready to give up the fight.
In my mental prison, I chose to make bail.
I can't change my wrongs, but I can make them right.

So I got up, though it took all that I had left inside,
Went to that place that for so long I feared.
I knew the first one with whom I had to make things right,
that one was the one looking back in the mirror.

"I'm sorry," I said, "your expectations were not too much.
I admit I've just let myself get in the way.
I never took it into consideration that I alone am enough.
And all the extras in life were only for show and play.

You are perfect, I love you, and I am going to change.
I don't deserve for you to believe me, but I swear it's true."
The response I got.. I never expected to hear MYSELF say..
That was, "I will never  give up on you."
I hope you all like it.
From a broken home to broken trust and everything in between. . .
I am who I am - just me.

I've made mistakes & been accused of the wildest of things. . .
Though I've become a better person through it all.. I still remain - just me.

I've had it all and lost it too.. Along with my mind and feelings. . .
No one else dragged me through the mud or seen me through - just me.

I've built new walls around me, that I now stay in comfortably...
No one can gain access again.. NO, not that easily..
Cause no one else has the entry key... No one else..

JUST ME.
By: Miranda M. ©MLOVE559
(Mon.) April 30, 2018 - 6:30am
You told me, "It's over..." again. I know that, Jorge... It's been over.
You know that and I know that.. And of course...
You know I know that.. So who was the validation for?
Let me ask and pretend I don't already know who..
Let me ask and pretend like you'll tell me the truth...
The truth that I already know with every fiber of my being..
The truth you know is the truth, but will NEVER have the guts to tell me...
Let me ask who has been taking your time..
& doing such a GREAT job keeping ME off your mind...
& let me go ahead and pretend
To believe all the lies
that escape your lips then,
like rain from clouds, so effortlessly... so naturally...
Jorge, it's true.. ignorance IS BLISS..
So I beg you, for my own sake, let your lies fall all around me,
All the while,
I'll dance in them proudly
and FOOLISHLY..
Because I HONESTLY believed
You. Were. Mine.
& please love, don't stop.. Until I'm drowing in THIS...
In my last Moments -
leave me.. Like you've done every time...
To sink.. Like an anchor carrying the weight of the world, deeper..
and deeper.. and farther away from the surface..
Still too blind in love to even notice...
That I'm the only one WHO
is wasting away... all the days in my own life...
But I'm still seeing visions of YOU...
So I believe that I'm fine...
Even though you've proven you will never BE..
here - to stay - by my side..
The ludicrous hopes in my simple mind...
Absurd, are so pathetically con-vinced;
It. Will. Be. Different.
... this time.
It never has been. It never is.
I know, I know, I know this...
& yet... Despite...
I still think you'll come back & save me..
Cause you wouldn't just let me die,
right?
Although my love - you did.. Let me die like this..
Time and time and time again...
I'll gladly die this way - it's my life to spend -
drowning, figuratively, a hundred, a thousand, a million more times...
Until then,
The beat of your heart is ENOUGH,
to keep my feet above your falling words, but they rise...
Dancing in my own death, So in LOVE...
Ignorantly.. pretending
I believe all your lies.
*DEDICATED TO JORGE G.*
By: Miranda Martinez-Perez
©MLove559
Sun. July 6, 2018 (11:58pm) - Sat. July 7, 2018 (3:04am)

This was actually a letter I wrote to him... Only.. half way through writing it- I realized it was a good letter, but it was begging to be a great poem. So that's what it became. .....
It's still to Jorge, though...
I love You...
& I'm missing you.
You didn't leave me with closure. You left me with a cold "Goodbye..."
So, my heart's not understanding it's over... It will... It'll just take some time..

Cause my mind IS in cooperation with the logic of how these things work...
In all honesty, I came to the realization- that it was over long before it started to hurt..

I can't say that I'm suprised at all. I knew this "love" would end.. eventually...
I knew you weren't in it for the long haul.. When you denied how much you meant to me...

You were quick to run when things got tough. I dealt with it alone every time...
But you were quick to return when sh** cleared up, huh? As quick as I was to AGAIN call you "Mine..."

In the end.. I don't blame you for leaving. You weren't raised by/or TO be a man..
So you can stop spitting your excuses and calling them reasons.. For why everyone's grown up, but you can't.

You don't know how.. It's just not in your blood. You weren't destined to fail.. just to struggle...
You were made to base your future rolling around in the mud alone... So it's only YOU who's in touble.

I don't wish bad NOR good on you. Nothing in fact, just leave me alone, stay away...
Cause MY future is bright and YOUR future is black, stuck in the past, while - I - face a new day.
By : Miranda M.
©MLove559

**I was angry when I wrote this... Can you tell?
There's a place for everything and everything in its place..
Well, where do I put the memories of the past I can't erase?

Cause they're serving me no purpose.. They are just weighing me down..
Help me put away the loneliness - reminding me you're not around...

Where's the place for broken pieces - of the heart you left behind?
Hey! Maybe while I'm organizing, I might find my misplaced mind!

I just always forget where I put it, but I haven't lost it yet..
Last time I remember using it.. Was 5 days after we met..

Cuz on the 6th day you came back, so I put my mind away..
I placed my heart in full control.. what's left's still in control today..

Where's the designated area for the emotional scars and trust issues - caused by all your lies?
And I can't find the place where tears go.. but I'm sick of them being in my eyes..

Can you help me put away the worthlessness - I felt EVERY TIME you chose to go..?
Where could I fit all the emptiness you left - so you should know...

I have to put away the echoes repeating so clearly - every word you've said..
Because it's like we're in the same room... and then I'm left losing you again...

Where does the love I STILL feel go? What about the wanting and WISHING you'd care??
Till I find A WAY and place to put YOU away.. WHEREVER I go - you're still there...

And YOU'RE still the ONLY ONE that I'M NEEDING.. YOU'RE the ONLY ONE I'm EVER and ALWAYS missing, too...
There's a place for everything; YOURS is in MY heart...
...and in my heart...
I KNOW MY PLACE is WITH YOU.

I LOVE YOU, JORGE GUZMAN.
"Just say you won't let go...."
BY: MIRANDA MARTINEZ

Written:
Sunday, Sep. 9, 2018
8:25pm
-
Monday, Sep. 10, 2018
12:03am
It's been a long day. Longer than most.
But i pulled through! I don't mean to boast..

But i do.

I'm glad that it's over. I'm ready to rest.
Sleep tonight will come easy, because today I gave my best!
I worked a long day today after a night of no sleep. I had no one to blame for how tired i was in the beginning, but by the end of the day I didn't realize how fast time flew! It's one of those days you can reflect on and be absolutely proud of yourself for getting through!
I want to genuinely smile and have real friends that make me laugh..
Even more than that - I really want to get my life back on track...
But it's hard to have hope for the future - cause I just can't let go of the past....
July 31, 2018 - 12am(ish)
©Mlove559
The days are long, the nights are colder... I keep reaching for any strength I have stored within...
I keep reaching for hope - while trying to keep hold of my sanity...
It's getting harder, cause I just want to hold him...

It's been awhile now since our last encounter... This has happened so many times before...
I should be used to and tired of this already... What I thought I knew about love - I don't anymore...

I used to believe I knew every thing about love... As it would turn out, I know Nothing, in fact...
All I've ever known - was how to give love away... I never learned how to get some love back...

So I'm sitting here feeling stupid.. empty.. and alone... Wanting TO WANT to change enough to enjoy life again...
... But WANTING to want is an emotion so deep and so hollow... I wouldn't know where to begin.....
Still thinking about you Jorge.... I miss you.
©Mlove559
July 29, 2018
8:27pm
If I could build the truth for you, it'd be made of titanium steel..
I'd weld it together with all of the reasons WHY- I STILL feel the way that I feel...

All of the mistakes we've made in our relationship - would be used to make up the plumbing pipes..
I would glue them together with all of the excuses - for why we just could not get it right...

Cause those types of things just can't be left out, the things we did that caused each other pain..
They'll always be there "underground," forgive won't forget, but don't focus on the past- we can't change..
The best part of plumbing system is that-  we can wash off our future mistakes, or flush them right down the drain...

Each tile used would be made out of one good memory, we made together when we got along....
The foundation you build on is often over-looked, but equally as important as the frame, just as strong...

And the whole thing would be covered in beautiful tiles, from the roof right down to the floor..
Except of course the windows, and you know there'd be no doors..

The reflecting glass windows would be made of ALL the things that I LOVE and HAVE ALWAYS LOVED about YOU, JORGE..
So anytime you look through them you'd see yourself; ALL the reasons I STILL want to be YOURS...

I love you so much so much, (I always tell you this), just as much TODAY as I EVER HAVE before,
So explain to me again, cause I don't understand, WHY you say you just CAN'T LOVE ME anymore??

Oh that's right.. because I am a liar, you say..
Which is why I was wishing I could build the truth for you in the first place...

And why I took the time out to write you this poem for over three days..
Cause I can't stop thinking about you, even though I know none of this matters to you anyways...

Writing it out just helps me get through all these long lonely days
                                              without you.
By: Miranda Martinez-Perez
(Sat.) Sep. 8, 2018
10:14pm
©MLove559
I don't want to think about you anymore.
Nothing is the way it was "before.."
You are not the same person that I met.
You're full of hate and disrespect.
You put me down. You call me names.
You string me along with your head games.
You accuse me of doing everything wrong..
I wanted to hold on.. I'm just not that strong.
I try to stay positive, try to show you the light..
One wrong word or move - we're right back in a fight.
Then comes the battle, then comes the war..
You're words are nuclear weapons.. I can't take anymore.
I am NOT the person that you say that I am.
I wanted to help you.. You just don't understand.
By Miranda Martinez-Perez
Monday, October 17, 2018

— The End —