I would erase all the poetry
I had ever written for you if
it would free me from
your grasp.

There is a sunflower
in the centre of my heart
and it blossoms
in your love.

We are all born
with sunflowers in our chests.
It is up to us to nurture them
and let them grow and guide us.
Let love's sunlight and
the rainfall of life
provide you with
all you need to keep
the flower firm.

I have endured
several deaths and rebirths
in just one lifetime

12:03 AM
8/3/22

Dear Diary;
why do I keep doing this
to myself?
The way I still check up on them
when I am nothing but
a second thought,
if a thought at all.
It’s no wonder I am
still a mess.
Why can’t I just
let it go?
Why can’t I just
be gone?

I don’t regret opening the door to you.
you entered this heart and
illuminated every corner.
You were the brightest thing
I have ever let in
even though you
turned off the light.

I do not
want this silence
to be the death of us.
I want to find a way back
to your laughter and song.

December creeps up on us,
and suddenly, I feel unburdened
from all I have carried this year.
No longer stuck, no longer trudging
through the days, weeks, months
I thought would never end.
Time to cleanse my soul of all
the turmoil and ties I do not
wish to carry into the new year.

The skies ache for the sun,
the seas thirst for the moon.
The stars kiss their planets,
and I yearn for you.

How solitary
and sublime these
winter nights have been.
I have always preferred
the shadows and silence
to the endless crowds
and commotion of
everyday life.

You came to this world
desperate for answers but
instead you found me

7:40 PM
8/7/21

Sometimes
I miss the sensations,
the thrill, the palpitations,
the titillations, the adventure.
But nothing more, just that,
or so I tell myself.

In the end,
I had no choice but
to cut the last thread
that sewed us
together.

Do you find yourself
staring into the abyss when
there is no more light
left to be found?
We are only human-
were we ever meant to
know such dread?

Just because they have
a heart, does not mean they are
capable of love

6:51 AM
6/8/24

I feel nothing
for the greatest pleasures
and terrible tragedies-
this is how it has always been.
Call it a lack of emotion,
an emptiness, a hollowness-
I carry that around in my soul,
my blood and my bones.

If my time were to end
tomorrow,
I would hope not to upset you.
Just know that I lived life to
the best of my ability.
Know that I remained loyal,
bold and sometimes bizarre.
So if I meet my end
tomorrow,
think of it more as a
mere inconvenience
rather than a tragedy.
I have lived a hundred lives,
been on a thousand journeys,
so just be sure to wish me a
safe and thrilling journey
for whatever comes next.

I carry you with me
wherever I go
between heart and soul,
in the extraordinary and
the ordinary moments in life.
I keep you in these eyes
that dream of a future
of you and I,
in my lips
that tell the tale of this hardship,
in my hands
that write of our wonderland,
in the mind
that never left you behind.

My heart is a
sanctuary of silence,
a place where few have ever glimpsed.
The demons may try to penetrate its walls
but this heart has always proved stronger
than what I gave it credit for.

I want to lose myself-
not through drugs or fantasy
but through travelling the world.
I want to dive into cultures
and forget where I'm from.

When do these thoughts stop?
When will be the day when
I stop thinking about you?
When will be the day when
I stop asking
"what can I do?"

What if we are not
the writers of our story?
A writer knows the next page
where as we are prisoners
of the past and present.
Hell, some of us barely live a story,
but merely characters in another's story,
or worse, nothing but a tragedy.

I hope I make your
day better with my poems-
my words for your soul

4:01 PM
16/3/20

Chasing the night,
again.
Hoping for the one
to help me forget
about the
pain.

There you are,
never far,
never have been.
You are a part of me
and always will be
since the day you were born
until the day that I die.

We've only just met
and already I am so
helplessly in love

6:18 PM
8/3/20

Who are you
when the doors close and
you're left with your
shadow and silence?
Who are you
when no one is looking-
no eyes or judgement on
the way you conduct yourself
for everyday life?
Who are you
when there are no likes,
no comments and no audience?
Who are you really?

I never meant to
make you smile or cry
or remember my name.
You never meant to
welcome the morning sun
with me, let alone,
the new year and
neither of us meant for
any of this love
or heartache.

Propaganda
does not work because
people are dumb,
it works because people
want to believe.

It was you who hurt
me and yet I was the one
who apologized

11:50 PM
22/9/22

Dear Diary;
Isn't it funny how
some people can show
more love to you
in a day
than others can
in a lifetime?

I do not want you
to chase after me-
all I want is for someone
to care about my return.

I will let you pass
since you are not here to stay-
will we meet again?

10:40 AM
12/3/22

Perhaps the red flags
only become visible
after the end.
But what if there was no end?
What if you look back on
the would-be red flags as
simply milestones that
show how much your partner
has matured and grown?

Maybe we
should look at the moon
together
the next time
we miss each other.
Knowing we share the same
starry night
will just have to do
for now.

I am
just a reflection
of yourself.

For better or worse,
life happens without
asking us.
Of course I
am anxious.

I'll walk the streets
some nights
not knowing what I'm looking for.
Just longing and searching
until I find my peace.

Do not be afraid
to raise the price
of what it costs
to access
you.

Your smile sends sunflowers
sprouting from my soul,
destroying the dark and
leaving light in your wake.

How many poems
have you written that no one
has a chance to read?

6:50 PM
7/11/20

Do you ever
lose so much that
you become all too aware
just how temporary it can all be?
Like the ticking time bomb of love,
with each word inching closer
to detonation.

I'm barely
for everyone.
Hell,
I'm barely
for myself.

If our love
is a war then
I am the soldier
that promises to
lives to tell
the tale.

When you smile at me,
the sun inside me ignites
and the flowers of
my heart bloom.

Spiderman would have
been in awe of your wit,
Just as superman for
the way you never quit.
The hulk would have
been in awe of your might,
just as Thor for the
way you shone so bright.

I feel too much-
I know it all too well.
I hold on for too long despite
knowing when the flames have smothered.
My heart is in ruins and I am left
wandering through embers of
all those long lost memories.

Learning to look  at you from afar,
to not reach you with these hands,
to get used to the silence,
to become strangers
once again
is one of the
most difficult
lessons I have endured
and am still learning.

Your touch
is like tornado
sending my heart
into an endless
frenzy.

You're lonely,
I'm lonely,
maybe we can be
a little less lonely
together.