I didn't know a
kiss could turn into such a
descent into hell

1:49 PM
3/8/21

Spiderman would have
been in awe of your wit,
Just as superman for
the way you never quit.
The hulk would have
been in awe of your might,
just as Thor for the
way you shone so bright.

When you smile at me,
the sun inside me ignites
and the flowers of
my heart bloom.

I wish I was
satisfied by silence
but I cannot bite my tongue
anymore.
I will not accept defeat
and I will not let you leave
until I say my piece.

Is this the finish
line that I have been waiting
for all of my life?

4:13 PM
19/8/20

I feel too much-
I know it all too well.
I hold on for too long despite
knowing when the flames have smothered.
My heart is in ruins and I am left
wandering through embers of
all those long lost memories.

Your touch
is like tornado
sending my heart
into an endless
frenzy.

I love you more
than the milky way
on a clear summer night.
For me the universe only
exists in your eyes.

I think that
every sunflower
follows your light
to find their way
back home.

Trapped
in between
this Heaven and Hell.
I'm in purgatory,
I fell and I fell-
so very far from glory.

Reflections under a pale moon
her hair shimmers like neptune.
We look up at the stars with awed eyes
and watch the cosmos as time flies.
Her blue hair as blue as her heart,
yet she is still my favorite work of art.
Yes, it's true, her heart is torn,
but like the stars above, we are reborn.
So let us look to the cosmos-
to the heavens we are so close.
Magnificent are the angels up there
as is the girl with blue hair.

It's like
a genie took my
favorite wish and
and laid it right beside me.

I am worrying
that I am worrying my
worrisome life away

4:51 PM
24/7/24

Sometimes we just need a hug
for no reason at all.
Sometimes its best to
bury yourself in someone
and in that space, find yourself.
Sometimes we just need the warmth
of skin against skin and
in that warmth, find joy.

I live in an ocean
of your memories,
in shadows and the silence
at the bottom of your trenches.

If you know me by my writing,
be prepared to know me by my silence,
for the demons from within and beyond
have choked the voice out of me.
I don't want to speak anymore,
I only watch and
I write.

The skies burn red
and I remember
everything you said.
A warm breeze, a warm memory,
running through my head.

It feels like an
eternity and a blink
since the last time
I saw you and I
have been prisoner
to this paradox
ever since.

In the end,
I have no one
to blame but myself.
I ruined me-
I did it myself.

These eyes
look to you
like sunflowers
look to the sun

You keep pouring sorrow
into my glass that is
already full.
You pour
and you pour,
until it overflows,
and then you pour
some more.

The only one who
feels with me is me-
all the joy, the pain,
and everything in between.
Those tears and those smiles
only reach my face and
its my burden to carry.
This is my solitude and it is
all I have ever know.

Hope
has a way
of burning a
hole in your
heart.

Whatever happened to
baby Cas or our dreams of
leaving this all behind?
I still think about him
from time to time
just as I think about us
from time to time.
Is he all grown up now?
Have you outgrown me?

We all have different
ways of healing.
For me, I need solitude,
so much solitude and silence.
To just be with myself and
my thoughts is how I
recharge that battery that
never had much spark
to begin with.

People leave
and I detach-
it's an endless cycle
I can't seem
to break.

You are the
field of sunflowers
that I wish to
bloom in.

Is 'hollow' an emotion?
It is thought of as feeling nothing,
but isn't that enough to warrant an emotion?
Maybe we need a better word for
what this feeling of hollowness really is-
is it not something we can feel
deep within our gut?
Is there such thing as an
emotionless state of being or
is the only way to achieve that
in death?

It's not that
I'm not loved,
it's that I am loved
but it doesn't seem
to fill the hole
you left
long
ago.

Some nights are
more unforgiving than others.
It is the thought of you that eases me
on those cold and lonely nights.
I take shelter in your twilight
until daylight returns
and do it all again
the next night.

You may be living
without me but you are not
without all my love

3:38 PM
4/5/24

Another room,
another company,
they all feel the same after a while.
I prefer solitude,
to keep to myself and
listen to these people
rather than speak.
But in truth, I feel even more alone
when I am with them rather
than my solitude.
These walls were built to
shield me from these people
and I intend to keep
the door closed.

Sometimes,
between this distance,
darkness and silence,
your voice will break through
and sing away the sorrows and shadows-
a reminder that we are never
truly alone.

None of us are
as big as the ocean,
but each one of us are drops
capable of causing a ripple.

In the end,
you either leave
because you are not loved
or you stay
because you love too much.

We are not the same person
as we were yesterday.
Today we believe in this,
and tomorrow we believe in that.
Yesterday is a distant dream and
today I'm only waking up.

My fear
has faded,
and now I dare
to love
you.

I love you during rain or shine,
and everything in between.
I love you in my solitude
no matter how distant I seem.
I love you in my absence
even across the land and sea.
I love you when I'm anxious
even when it's taken my autonomy.
I love you in every country
from Vietnam to Turkey.
I love you now and forever
and for all of eternity.

We are all just wicks
clinging to the light as we burn
through time,
yet no candle
can burn forever.

Dear diary;
my back aches
from carrying all of
these memories-
my soul aches from
bearing all these regrets
from a distant life
I'd rather forget.

You may be far but
I keep you in the deepest
parts of this lone heart

6:09 PM
22/1/22

I have always
wondered if angels exist,
and since meeting you,
I no longer have
my doubts.

Nobody knows me
the way I'd like to be known-
nobody at all

9:05 PM
21/8/22

You are still present
in every soul I witness,
every smile that shines
and every heart that loves.

This photograph,
this knowledge of you,
will stay with me forever.
A snapshot in time
of who you once were
and who I once loved
forever cherished in this heart.
And though you may change,
sometimes into someone
I no longer recognize,
this memory will remain
as you were when I loved you
in this photograph.

Our conversations
mean more to me than you think-
I cherish them all

3:48 PM
22/2/22

It's a beautiful
emptiness that you leave me
whenever you go

8:52 AM
31/8/25

I'm one call away
from leaving it all behind
just to be with
you

Sometimes I forget
That I'm alone and that these
thoughts are all I have

10:04 PM
29/9/22

Now that you have seen
how I need my solitude
to escape bustle and burden
of everyday life and
how I need my silence
to escape these deafening crowds,
how I take refuge behind this
impenetrable heart of stone,
am I still easy to love?