Do not be afraid
to raise the price
of what it costs
to access
you.

My fear
has faded,
and now I dare
to love
you.

People leave
and I detach-
it's an endless cycle
I can't seem
to break.

I'll walk the streets
some nights
not knowing what I'm looking for.
Just longing and searching
until I find my peace.

Some nights are
more unforgiving than others.
It is the thought of you that eases me
on those cold and lonely nights.
I take shelter in your twilight
until daylight returns
and do it all again
the next night.

Nobody knows me
the way I'd like to be known-
nobody at all

9:05 PM
21/8/22

I love you more
than the milky way
on a clear summer night.
For me the universe only
exists in your eyes.

I'm one call away
from leaving it all behind
just to be with
you

In the end,
you either leave
because you are not loved
or you stay
because you love too much.

December creeps up on us,
and suddenly, I feel unburdened
from all I have carried this year.
No longer stuck, no longer trudging
through the days, weeks, months
I thought would never end.
Time to cleanse my soul of all
the turmoil and ties I do not
wish to carry into the new year.

You may be far but
I keep you in the deepest
parts of this lone heart

6:09 PM
22/1/22

I love you during rain or shine,
and everything in between.
I love you in my solitude
no matter how distant I seem.
I love you in my absence
even across the land and sea.
I love you when I'm anxious
even when it's taken my autonomy.
I love you in every country
from Vietnam to Turkey.
I love you now and forever
and for all of eternity.

None of us are
as big as the ocean,
but each one of us are drops
capable of causing a ripple.

Our lives
are tapestries
woven with memories.

It's like
a genie took my
favorite wish and
and laid it right beside me.

We are not the same person
as we were yesterday.
Today we believe in this,
and tomorrow we believe in that.
Yesterday is a distant dream and
today I'm only waking up.

Have you come
to put me out of my misery
or are you going to keep pretending
to love me?

We are all just wicks
clinging to the light as we burn
through time,
yet no candle
can burn forever.

Is 'hollow' an emotion?
It is thought of as feeling nothing,
but isn't that enough to warrant an emotion?
Maybe we need a better word for
what this feeling of hollowness really is-
is it not something we can feel
deep within our gut?
Is there such thing as an
emotionless state of being or
is the only way to achieve that
in death?

I feel as if
I am a refugee
in my own life
still in search of a
home I will
never know.

History doesn't
repeat but it does reflect
every so often

9:47 PM
16/5/21

I wish I never
had to say goodbye
and I wish our goodnights
weren't stretched across the world.
I do not wish for many things
but I wish you to be the
first and last face I see
each and every day.

You know
you are okay
when you are no
longer fixated
on nostalgia

Our conversations
mean more to me than you think-
I cherish them all

3:48 PM
22/2/22

It hurts me so much
to see what I see,
what hurts me more is
that no one else sees it.

Alone again on
this summer night.
No emotions this evening,
not even any thoughts or sensations.
The ambience consumes me
as I give into the abating ambience.
There will be no dreams tonight,
but also no fear.

It's not that
I'm not loved,
it's that I am loved
but it doesn't seem
to fill the hole
you left
long
ago.

Fear not,
your soulmate
will make you fall in love
with yourself too.
They are you and
you are them.
Two souls,
one love.

Now that you have seen
how I need my solitude
to escape bustle and burden
of everyday life and
how I need my silence
to escape these deafening crowds,
how I take refuge behind this
impenetrable heart of stone,
am I still easy to love?

I was born up there,
between the stars and the strange,
between the silence and space.
I was born up there,
alone and afraid and
far from anything we call human.
I was born up there,
as an alien, an outsider, a foreigner,
a small gift sent from the cosmos.
I was born up there,
thrown down to Earth
with nothing but by innocence
to guide me through this
rock I call my home.

Some nights are
filled with so much darkness,
so much emptiness.
Everyone is asleep now
and it's just me and the solitude
once again.
Is this what
loneliness feels like?

Is being alone
what scares me or that I feel
so lonely alone?

11:40 PM
10/10/24

Another room,
another company,
they all feel the same after a while.
I prefer solitude,
to keep to myself and
listen to these people
rather than speak.
But in truth, I feel even more alone
when I am with them rather
than my solitude.
These walls were built to
shield me from these people
and I intend to keep
the door closed.

You were a sunflower
inside of my heart-
such a warm radiance
I could always use
in times of darkness.

My favorite song
is the one you strum
upon my heartstrings-
the one that puts my
demons to sleep
and my heart
to nirvana.

I know you pretend
that I am the monster so
that you feel less guilty
about how you
treat me.

This photograph,
this knowledge of you,
will stay with me forever.
A snapshot in time
of who you once were
and who I once loved
forever cherished in this heart.
And though you may change,
sometimes into someone
I no longer recognize,
this memory will remain
as you were when I loved you
in this photograph.

This haiku won't hold
us together but that won't
stop me from trying

5:07 PM
20/8/21

Our love is a sea
and baby, I am happy
to drown forever

9:59 PM
12/4/21

What does it matter
what I tell my heart? Because
of you I'm broken

10:58 PM
22/2/22

It is too easy
to hurt me because I am
human after all

7:33 PM
10/3/20

There you are,
never far,
never have been.
You are a part of me
and always will be
since the day you were born
until the day that I die.

Does your smile
bring you as much joy
as the thought of
yours brings me?

Take care of yourself-
no matter how little my words
mean to you now or
how second of a thought
I am to you now,
if a thought at all.
I meant every word
that I said.

If you ask me how
I can say I love you,
I'll tell you you’re the breath
I need to say it
over and
over again.

I don't want to be
alone anymore writing
poems you won't read

8:36 PM
1/5/21

Your love is
like a sunflower
the way it blooms upon me
like a field throughout spring.

Whatever happened to
baby Cas or our dreams of
leaving this all behind?
I still think about him
from time to time
just as I think about us
from time to time.
Is he all grown up now?
Have you outgrown me?

Are you
as tired of
this distance
between us
as I am?

Do you ever
lose so much that
you become all too aware
just how temporary it can all be?
Like the ticking time bomb of love,
with each word inching closer
to detonation.