You must understand

                                        My friend

That I    never    wanted you to save me

                         I never meant to bring you down into this hole I had created

          I never wanted you to drown in the undertow I had predicted

                                         I do not mean to be your anchor and take away your breath

       I never asked for you to save me

I never wanted a reason for life

I just wanted you to listen,          and maybe understand

               But if you don't yet, let me try

I may be dying everyday

But so are you

                                          And sometimes I forget how easy it is to make you cry

And sometimes I forget that you actually truly care

             But I am doing just fine down here

And your reflection in this water is more than I need

          Do not try to save me, my love

Because you'll only **** yourself

                                          Just be there when I am wet and cold

And be there to dry my eyes

You are not responsible for my suffering

You are not responsible for my death

       And I know that it still hurts you
       And knowing that hurts me too

But please, do not try to save me

          This is my battle, and this is my war

              So stop worrying about me

Because I know that I will win

              And I want you to be there with me when I drown this little monster

And I want you to be there with me when I go out for drinks after

I am not everything you said I was.

"My darling," he said, "I think we've lost our way. Take my hand, you're getting cold."
"I'm drunk and you're sad. Who's going to lead us home?"

The bottles been polished clean and his lips are still shaking. He said he likes to forget but can't, it hurts too much, and he has to sleep with the radio on. Daddy taught him how to shoot, showed him *******.

"I don't like death," he'd say, walking past the cemetery. "Why must we be so morbid?"
"Death validates life," I'd say, "And morbidity justifies the bruises on your bones."

He sighs."My dear, I fear you may have forgotten, we don't have a home."

If I could, I would gather the fragments of your void. I would posses the demons crawling across your skin. I would extract the fowl voices from your head. I would engulf all your pain. I would bury your suffering in my chest,

But I am too weak to be your cure.

From here we stomp to war
Soldiers standing tall
Soon we'll watch them crawl
The battle cries
The future dies
Bodies bruised and blistered
And begging for more

She is as beautiful as the sin you never had enough nerve to commit.

Fear is merely a liar.

There's a manner in which you breathe
Or maybe a manner in which I perceive
When your chest picks up the covers
In harmony with the way your eye lids hover
That robs me of my own sweet and steady breath

I can always hear your heart pick up a beat
Like it's roaring defeat
When I rest my head on your chest

And I never fall short of noticing the small curls of your hair
Dangling above your eyes, moving well with the air

They wouldn't believe me if I told them
And I know you wouldn't condemn
But there isn't a moment in the day
When the light doesn't hit you at a perfect angle
And it makes my brain mangle

I love the way you love to touch my face
And give my scars a trace
Even though it rips me apart
To hear the crack in your voice
When you say it breaks your heart

"You are a beautiful piece of art"

Sometimes I wish you could stay
But I know you must always stray
You're not one to get too comfortable
And you prefer to remain untouchable

**But would it be alright
If inside your chest, I pitched a tent?
See I fear my fingers may blister
(I'm willing to pay rent)
Just for the winter?

They said we're like a metaphor for broken bottles
An abundance of inflicted pain smashed along the bathroom floor
But you're the source of the ****** foot prints that lead out the door
And I couldn't help but watch you leave
So now I have eyes like mirrors, that only reflect fears
You left my body drug stained and devoid of adolescence
I'm living off your moans that still echo in my head, while my screams fall short of ears to hear them
I long to get you out from under my skin
I poured my stomach down the drain and rid my chest of feeling
But your stone cold voice still plays around like the wind
So I tucked you away between my arteries but still you clawed at my veins
Your brutal cries of ****** cracked the empty bottles and now I'm sitting with the shards of glass you left behind - embedded to the crime scene
Even though it burns my skin to stay, I'm wishing that one day you'll return, and clean the blood away
But you haven't yet
And never will
So maybe I'll fall gracefully asleep, maybe fall six feet deep
And I'll wait for you at the shore line, where all the dead things wash up
And I'll put you back together with every remaining piece of my bones
So that then, you can never leave me

Oh, you Tiny Little Lion Man
You will never win this war.
You had lost it from the start.
Because, my dear
If you want to play a game
I want to win.
If you want to watch it break
I'll be sure that it's your spine.
You will always think you're one step ahead
When truly you're two steps behind.
Do you want to be a player, baby?
I'll teach you how to play.

I want to see god. I want to know what god feels like.

I woke in a room of frost, with cold lips
I ache to hear your voice
But as I maneuver my sleepy body
I'm reminded that you're here
Curled up in silk, perfect mounds of ivory flesh
I lean across to kiss you gently
I watch your breath hasten, and fight the numbing urge to wake you
To graze myself along your chest
So I found myself writing this instead
The thunder seems to be clearing
And my pulse is dying out in gulps
I lower my head defeated, in hopes you will forgive me
And kiss your forehead once again to wake you

Where the sunset stains the ocean,
And the mountains meet the sky.
That's where I wish to be,
While he sits beside me.

Hidden deep within the woods,
Formidable and hushed.
The smell of our blazing fire
Spreading ominously throughout,
While we make love against the flames.
That's where I wish to be,
While he sits beside me.

Between our barricade of covers,
And his sharp, shy eyes.
Lustful skin on lustful skin,
And still urging closer.
That's where I wish to be,
While he sits beside me.

I just want you to know:
There are days                where I forget to miss you
              and there are days           when I think my cuts and burns are finally healing
        But then             there are days             when the feeling returns

And there are days                                         where I see imagery of you again

Of you               behind the bar
           Pulling on a Camel Light

Of you                       standing outside my window
The sun           dancing coldly           on your skin
Of you looking at me
Just                          
                               ­       looking at me

And it was like         you saw                  straight through it all

You said                  it was going to be okay
                     And I've been repeating that phrase                  ever since
Because       no one      will     ever         quite          ignite         such great hope inside my chest
The way you could
But I'm just trying to       help       them
              The way you helped me
The way          I should have                  helped you
I miss you       more      and        more
                                Ever since I let myself think of you again
And I miss you         less      and       less
                          When I tell myself               you're just a dream
   But I guess      I just want to say
That it       kills me             everyday
                  Even now
To know that    I    did    not    save    you
       And I'm just so ******* sorry
I'm so sorry that I let you slip away
                          that i let you die
But now            you're long gone
So I guess it's too late
          And I    hate    myself for it too


                                 Just know that I miss you


              *I miss you so much

I want to be with you
Diving inside a sea of roses
Holding on tightly while my throat closes
Searching for your shoulders
The epitome of boulders
To bring me afloat
Enchanted by your endurance coat
I want your breath
To be the one to save me from my death
After drowning in your rivers
I'm aching with shivers
Your water is in my lungs
I'm speaking in tongues
Screaming out for love
For everything I am undeserving of
I want to be with you

It hurts when you're dying inside
And when you're slowly running out of places to hide
They tell me it's all worth it
Maybe in its time
But all good things must come to an end
There is on bright light around this bend
Only the suffering stays
So don't you dare tell me this is just a phase
Where is my sweet release?
Don't tell me it's under this blade
I deserve peace
My very soul has decayed
There has to be more than this
Where is my saviour to pull me from abyss?
Tell me why it *hurts so much
Tell me why it won't leave me be
Tell me why there are days when I crave its touch
Tell me why it craves my debris
Please, make it stop!
Please, make it go away
*How loud must I cry?
MAKE IT GO AWAY!

It's just,
              I think
                          He may be
                                              The most  beautiful thing I have ever seen.

a mind so open
no one dare walk in