In captivation I seated myself
Like that of a coaster ride
Leaving my morals and my sanity behind
The notion of such adventure led me blind
through wasted times I lost all purpose the sense to focus with open feelings floating in the surface
With earnest genuine of my excitement and my nervous
Night falls
Quicker than wood left burning in the furnace
Like the ashes of memories that once were, left to dissipate forever all across the ocean
Synchronized in motion you managed to reach shore
Whether unaware or inability to care you left me drowning in emotion
Sunk for years that I was
That your presence left me like an alcoholic that your absence kept me drunk
Swimming through barriers of heartaches to believe you were the one
And I was done..
searching through the abyss of all seas
Rising to new surfaces in hopes that I could breathe
Knowing that in you I'd never come to reach,
the finding to know love..

She is a mystery
She is.. the greatest form of poetry
She, who would rather hide than be seen
Holds no beginning and knows no end
She comes to life when everything around her appears to be dead
She makes me feel a high, electric, body rush
She creates goosebumps down my spine with just the slightest touch
She dreams
She believes
She is someone you can't decieve
She sees the lies, beneath your eyes
She is someone you can't run from or can't hide
She is the never ending memory that takes refuge inside my mind at night
She is gold
She is light that fills my soul
She is peace that keeps me in control
She is gentle
Her body is a temple
Mounted on the highest pedestal
Without reason to ever feel resentful
When I'm high
When I'm coming down
When I'm feeling sentimental
She is there
She is pure
She is rare
She is someone for whom I will always care
And through it all
She just might
She just maybe
                              
                              *The One

'Twas the night before death..

She was her only opponent facing each moment alone
High to the pipe, drinking til she couldn't feel the pain anymore
Only the burning sensation of tequila
down her throat
Her days became gray
Her memory vague
Wishing for someone to wash every teardrop away, without the need to ever beg, or plead them to stay

But what do you expect
Only so much to take
The smile she everyday faked, was merely her soul, shattered by blades

What more can I say
Clogging her nose up with ice, it won't be long before her body, begins paying the price
A horrific mistake, she tried to escape, from all the had made her afraid
The strength she contained, the little bit that remained, was greater than that which most drove her insane
She was warned, she was told
And even then that wasn't enough to stop her from selling her soul for some gold
Thus, the night she turned cold

Through the fog and through the rain
and the midst of my escape
to seek a hope of rescue I await
that though I fell away
I become the master of the energies I once believed could not be tamed

And So I thank you

Thank you, for setting forth instruction, fufillng the indulges of my desire to be taught
In my adolesence
I listen to The Order of Your Word,
carried out through training
adhereing in self-discipline
I now had learned to crawl..
that in the giving of free will, I be given way to step my foot in straight directed forward path, to spread the power of your Love

Thank you, for the Wisdom to know choice
for even though evil ways I crossed
you granted opportunity
to raise me up and walk

Thank you, for the Wisdom that's your Son
Who descended from the heavens to
to guide the way in sacrifice
that our hearts may see the light, never growing cold, to be overshadowed by the darkness, that fades into the night
A Knowing, Through Jesus, The Law Fulfilling Christ
That in Wisdom we come to know the Truth
Truth that set forth Wisdom descended from the heavens to carry out the Truth
A spreading of the seed that through Wisdom you come to know the Truth
That Truth may blossom like the flowers of the field in hopes you be carried out by Wisdom
To the land that fosters only Truth
Truth that is of Wisdom
Because Wisdom is of Truth
Because Wisdome is the truth
Because Wisdom was The Word guided by the Truth
Because Wisdom is The Word Of Truth
In Ascention, to once again unite
The Trinity
The Infinite Divine
Cause the only path To Truth is Wisdom
because only Wisdom knows the Truth
Because Wisdom is the Truth
And Truth resides in Wisdom
Like Wisdom resides in Truth
And To Find Truth You must Find Wisdom
That it takes,
Wisdom to Know Truth

The Truth that is God

Thank you, that my loving you was my absolute and greatest fear
Whether I be right or whether I be wrong
It was in my sinning That I found the Fear of God
doors that led to my refuge
that I may know liberation
offerings he presents, to represent, his representations, of representatives

In that, Rising from submeregence
Thank you,
Blind that unblinded I became
I come to know the penalty,
A life without a cost, without cause
For such name I could not bear to hold
dissenigration of the deepest realms that had been placed,
       For the Angels of the Fall..

            I'm not meant to be here


Secluded in my hiding I find death, and death cannot be bought
To act against in Sins of He whom I Fear  Most Loved,
That I once more come to Thank You,
For it was there, that I was found to find my self dwelling,
        In the Shadows of The Lost

Then came the day
Our souls detached, forever to stay away...

Whether your spirit has awoken from dreaming
Elevated to new levels surpassing the ceiling

          Never forget me
          Wherever you may go
          Wherever you may be
          Never forget me

If there is a window through which you may be able to see
Show me the way so that I may be free
Take me with you in ease
So that we may come together
United in peace

Celebrating the wonders we've had and have yet to discover
Letting anyone not, break, the bond we share for eachother...

I just want you to know
Though you're ready to let go
In heart, I'll stick by your side
One hundred percent of the time

Through your happiness and suffering
Levitated high up in the air
Or dwelling darkness in dispair
I will always care
I will always be right there

I may seem like a creep
I may seem like a bother
But I just want you safe
Like the love of a father
Protects the lost and wandering daughter

So remember me..
When you no longer, recognize my face
When I'm nowhere to be traced
When I become a faze..
Remember me

You asked and wondered why I left
I questioned myself if I would ever be your next
Everyday our excitement became a little less
And our love for the other became a mess
The lies we neglected to confess
Had become days of agonizing stress

I remember the days we'd spend together
I remember when we believed it would last forever
I remember the scent of your perfume
I remember the day my love for you became immune
I remember passing out and waking up right next to you
I remember when you gave up despite of everything that we'd been through

   I remember you ...

I remember doing anything to have you
I remember when my blood would pump with jealousy
I remember the day that I became your enemy
But most of all
I... remember everything

   *But do you remember me at all?

No throttle
Mind boggled
Emotions bottled

I hate people
I hate everything
I hate everything that has to do with anything
I just want to give up
Tired of playing this game
I feel like a prisoner that's forever burning in flames

          Have faith, there's hope, at the end of the rope...

I want it to end
I can't comprehend
Why I'm here
Explain my existence
What is my purpose or reason
I see my life slowly passing me by like the seasons

          Stay wise, for no one, not even you know what destination lies at the end of the road...

So close to putting an end to this hell
Drinking bottles prescribed, affecting my health
But after all I guess you can say I'm learning to play with the cards I've been dealt

I wanna be with someone who makes me feel like the love we offer one another is the only thing holding this world together

I once too was a victim,
A victim of desire..
Luring me in slowly, drowning, in its unquenchable fire..
Thirsty
I needed escape
I realized soon, it was a life, I needed replaced
It was freedom that I needed to taste
To never be fazed
To be in control
To bring back everything that desire had constantly stole
The wrong path that I took, now I wander the netherworld in search of my home
In time I will know
The darkness will be caved by the light at the end of the road
Love will shine, and fear will not prevail anymore
As of now we keep traveling fro
You are never alone, and where ever you roam
Soon we'll all be together, soon we'll cross paths,
Happily we'll live and we'll dine
To never remember the past...

I have always been cleverly observant

But during our time
I failed to realize
Your eyes
disguised
A broken girl
hidden inside

Just stay sad
Let your feelings grow
Ignite them with what kills you most
And burn
Burn until you cannot shout
Burn until the fires out
Until there's nothing left but ash

Then when you're ready to rebuild
And all your scars have healed
Let go
And never remember
Put your emotions to sleep like a snowy night in December

Someone to understand
Someone to make sense of all that I am

Too deep
Its times like these
I put reality to sleep

I'd like to believe I know what is next but I don't  
I can't live for the past, I can't live for the future,
I can only live for the moment,
So I own it.
I'm on a spiritual level and no one seems to understand
It's as if I'm living on a foreign land
With low to no company
I managed the come up with strength and with sovereignty
I did it alone

Now that's in the past
Now I need something new

New partner, new experience

And that's what I need

There’s an ocean
An ocean filled with fire
An ocean that represents the eyes
As it spreads with every lie
Drenched in a purée of honey laced lullabies

Though it doesn’t seem that way

A cool calm breeze inviting you to play
the simple and the innocent take their part through waves
All seems dandy, all seems well
never realizing it is the beginning of a never ending tell,

A journey into hell..

The heart follow not, for the desires that it holds
lest those desires they be good

like the wild beast that seeks escape,
so too it is the heart that must be tamed.

It is written in my eyes
exposing all the secrets I've hidden through my lies
a never ending incese
of a smokless flame
protection I'd forsake
defensless I became
and destruction I let in
as desperation seeped right in
turned screams to harbor out the melody to form
a screeching flow of streams
steadily rushing from my head to my toe
I lose control
like lava bursting at escape
hurdling waves of a rage as it pumps of waterfalls profusely into every single vein
drowned and devoured
into hate
its becomes all you know and all you see
to the very air you breathe
cutting from the mystery
that love eliminates all misery
to bring healing to a self destructive state
yet, here I stay to, still remain in vain
to be left in the suffering of a once heart attacked and stained

only here do I find solace in the confinments of my soliatry silence
for no matter how much I may brave,
I become a visible,
To those who see my pain...

Don't

Restless
Unable to cope
Don't leave me
Cause whenever you do
I become addicted to a sensation without hope

It weighs ******* my chest
I can do nothing but reminisce and reminisce until my mind is finally able to put you to rest
So don't leave
Cause whenever you do
I question if there's ever a next

"What happened, the night She disappeared?"

Time Lapse

The mother, screaming, in her greatest moment of fear,
but all I remember were droplets of tears
by which her make-up was smeared

Police sirens everywhere
Without a clue
            
       ~She,       became      Air~

Absence of Air, suffocated her loved ones
Each day their suffering became ever more great
To the point where their food no longer had taste

Time came and time went
No postcard or even a letter was sent
Gray haired and great stress
But all the mother ever needed was Air to satisfy her hunger for breath

The mother cried and cried

Why did she leave?

Wishing and waiting for Air to come and say hi
Gasping and gasping, the official last moments to all that is life
A final good-bye
And then, she finally died...

As you can see,
Air never came
Air never carried no shame
Air never stayed in one place
Because Air, was never meant to be tamed..

I saw the gaze that she'd hold
Infinite, like diving through space
In to the galaxies
Where paradise rests
Courageous, she put it all to the test
Unknown areas that became apart of her world
Creating to destroy what had once taken away her sanity
In the blink of an eye
The old world had perished, for her kingdom to rise
She now had it all, all commands lied in her power at hand
A world she would rule and control, Never again to expose the once broken heart she now had made whole
*..Destiny's role

Your depression does not like you, it gave up on you and handed you to happiness. And it all you were left with.

"Girl, don't you see what you're worth?"
The world she would curse, it was easier than showing the pain of where it most hurt
Every day cursing her mother for bringing her into this world

She tried to escape
Going out of her way
To find any potion or pill that would take her sadness away

"Why did you do it?"
Lost in confusion
Living everyday under the influence
She was art at its finest
But her actions and habits would slowly bring her to ruins

Even then that wasn't enough
Working around all of her bluffs
I then knew there was something deeper than all the scars in her heart
Deeper than all the skin she had cut
... A needing for love

I see a kid

A desperate kid

A dead kid

I'm just a kid

I'm just a kid

A kid is all I am

A kid

A kid

A kid that

A kid that is

A kid that is me

A kid in need to be free

I am

that kid

A kid

Is all I am

I'm just a kid

I stayed,
And fell,
Deep in the abyss.
Deep in the madness.
Made it my passion.
A life I had unknowingly cashed in.
Brought it to fashion.
And once I did,

I left,
And fell away from the habit
Rising above these devilish dances
No longer saddened
Into love I sprung like a rabbit
Destined to make happiness happen
And once I did,
I stayed