I bleed in pastels
To mimic the beauty of sunsets

I will keep trying
Until you shoot me down enough times
To bleed out all the hope I have left

Often times I'm too much
But in a sense still not enough

I'd like to say I'm a work in progress
To cut myself a little slack

But in all honesty I'm a mess
And I guess that's why they call me a storm to be reckoned with
I tend to be more destructive than I am constructive

Some of us have demons we thought we exorcised
The truth is they just went into hiding and became dormant

Well, mine has come back out to play
Wreaking his havoc through my entire body

The nicotine is the safest way I can ward him off
While I try to figure out how to get rid of him completely

We both have this need for attention - to be loved
Being alone absolutely terrifies us
Yet we're content being alone together

He understands rules and knows how he should behave and so do I
However, we both falter at times - we can be a bit too much for some

I have sat and wondered endlessly about these things trying to figure out how we could be nearly the same
With the answer in front of me the entire time

Our pasts have shaped us
Both of us were left behind by the people we loved the most
We trusted them and they tossed us aside
The trauma of being thrown away and withered down made us who we are

The sun is coming up
Just like it always does
Like it always has

Long before you
Long before me
Long before us

And tonight the sun will set
Just like always
I don't know why I'm still surprised
But I always am
It goes on even if "we" died

My feelings etch the page
With each tear that falls from my face

The pictures form
From the blood pooling out of the cuts on my hands

How was I supposed to know you would break me?
Or that my own pieces would cut me?

I just wanted to put them back together
So I didn't feel so empty
So I could be whole again

I write to make sense of the chaos in my head
Trying to speak the words only leaves them on the tip of my tongue
For if they left my lips and floated to someone else's ears
I'm almost certain there would be a crusade of my bones
Instead of a compassionate understanding of my soul

Silence speaks v o l u m e s


It's just not what you want to h e a r

The first drag I ever took of a cigarette left the taste of ash in my mouth
And a burning in my throat all the way to my lungs
Until I coughed so much I felt sick
That's how I feel being in the same room breathing the same air as you

Does the fact that I love candles that smell like men’s cologne versus feminine floral scents categorize me as lonely? Because I’ve been single for two years now and I think that I might be lonely.

I want answers and an explanation
But it’s not my place to pry
And pick at the scabs
While you’re healing

I drink sweet tea
To cover up all of the
B i t t e r n e s s
In me

I know I’m alive
Because my heart is beating
And my skin is warm
But am I living?

I’m drunk right now
And it is seemingly frowned upon
To tell you I still love you since I’m intoxicated

But it’s the only time
I’m not afraid to admit it
To myself and the world

However, 
Now’s not the best time
To tell you any of that
So I won’t

3 hours
All it took was 3 hours
For me to wish I had more time with you
And I’ve spent the last 24 hours
Wondering if you felt the spark too

I believe some days are better than others
That there’s a bright future ahead of us

I believe love conquers any of the biggest obstacles in front of you
Whether that love comes from you or someone else

That even though you may be broken now
It won’t be this way forever

I believe there’s ten times more good in the world than there is evil
That there is good in you

I used to love winter
But that’s changed
It was winter when I fell for you
I fell faster than the blanketing snow
We were a blizzard of emotions
When it all calmed down we made it out of the storm
But we were distances apart on completely opposite sides

Spring set in early that year
It seemed to have brought you with it
Yet I remained detached for my own good
I’d always give in too easy and get my hopes up
Just to be torn down and crushed

When summer eased its way in
You somehow found a crack in my walls
And made your way back in
And I let you, because I thought after all the time that had passed things would be different
For awhile it was

Until the clouds began to cover overhead
I thought they’d be short lived
But weeks passed and they never budged
Then came the strikes of lightning all around me
Your shouts of thunder followed, rattling my bones
I saw a flash, fled for cover but couldn’t find a safe place
As the last stroke of lightning hit me
Leaving me stunned

I look at the scars left behind now
Sometimes they feel like they’ll burst open again
It wouldn’t take much most days
But I’m realizing more and more we’ll never have our season
It’s probably better that way

I adopted many bad habits

As a coping mechanism

For an unhealthy relationship

You deserve to live your life without counting the days
They say your mind is slipping from you
So maybe you won’t have the torture of your days being numbered filling your thoughts
But it will be filling mine

It already is

With that comes the weight of knowing one day you won’t recognize my face
Or remember my name

That at the end I’ll be a stranger to you
Standing at your bed side
It makes me sad to imagine that my presence may bring you more fear than it will comfort

One day
My imprint on you won’t be so poignant
It will be faint enough
You’ll think of me
As just some sick, twisted dream

I wish they were inviting and bright
Like a cloudless sky

     So you could see yourself soaring
     With the birds and planes

But they’re haunting and dark
Like the Marianas Trench

     And I’m afraid you’d just see yourself sinking
     Like the Titanic, to meet your tragic end

People tend to focus solely on the endings

But they fail to remember just how beautiful the beginning was

Oh and how full of life the middle was

There’s more to stories than just the end

I look at myself in pictures
And see everyone else
But me