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Dec 2020 · 103
Seasons
Katy Dec 2020
I always thought of you as my Summer
Warm and welcoming
With longer days
.
.
But you’ve proven to be more of a Winter
Cold and distant
Bringing lonely nights
Dec 2020 · 106
Intoxicated Truths
Katy Dec 2020
I’m drunk right now
And it is seemingly frowned upon
To tell you I still love you since I’m intoxicated

But it’s the only time
I’m not afraid to admit it
To myself and the world

However, 
Now’s not the best time
To tell you any of that
So I won’t
Dec 2020 · 95
Look Alive Sunshine
Katy Dec 2020
I believe some days are better than others
That there’s a bright future ahead of us

I believe love conquers any of the biggest obstacles in front of you
Whether that love comes from you or someone else

That even though you may be broken now
It won’t be this way forever

I believe there’s ten times more good in the world than there is evil
That there is good in you
Nov 2020 · 120
Living?
Katy Nov 2020
I know I’m alive
Because my heart is beating
And my skin is warm
But am I living?
Nov 2020 · 105
Hours
Katy Nov 2020
3 hours
All it took was 3 hours
For me to wish I had more time with you
And I’ve spent the last 24 hours
Wondering if you felt the spark too
Jul 2020 · 118
Cloud 9 & Hell
Katy Jul 2020
It’s painful to think
This whole time I was happy
I was on cloud nine

While you were not
Each day you were in complete hell

I don’t know where I went wrong
Or what I could’ve done to have you soaring with me

Although us ending has wrecked my world
I am happy to know that you’re better
I’m sorry if any of your pain was my fault
Jun 2020 · 89
Continental Drift
Katy Jun 2020
There’s this continental drift
Between who I am
And who you want me to be

It’s putting doubts in my head
Keeping me from the things that make me happy

The mask I’ve fabricated for your comfort
Is suffocating me

But you just watch
While I struggle to breathe
Jun 2020 · 104
Intentions
Katy Jun 2020
You said it was never your intention to hurt me
.
.
But take a look at the blood on the floor
.
.
.
.
That’s mine, not yours
Jun 2020 · 92
Not Your Keeper
Katy Jun 2020
I am not your keeper

Don’t look to me for your green light
I’m done helping you make your decisions
I’m done being the one to blame when things don’t turn out how you pictured them
I will no longer feel guilty on your behalf

You are the one who ****** it up
You only brought me along for the ride
So if something didn’t work out it could be all my fault
And you could save your ego and your pride

I am not your keeper

So go ahead and smoke your cigarettes
Snort your pills until you become numb
Drink until you’re falling over
Stay out until the morning light chases you home

You’re not my responsibility
I’ve got enough **** of my own
May 2020 · 91
Transmogrification
Katy May 2020
This place hasn’t changed
Maybe it had minutely
But it hasn’t changed enough to cause all of the problems we’re blaming it for

We changed
A whole lot more than we want to admit
We’re different people than we were a year ago
It’s crazy to think a year can change so much

Change isn’t something we should be afraid of
We shouldn’t be ashamed of it either
Change is inevitable
It helps us grow

Maybe we didn’t grow together like we thought we would
God help us if we stayed the same though
I think that almost would have been worse

Regardless, I’m thankful of where we’ve gone
The memories we’ve made and shared
And I’m hopeful for our futures
May 2020 · 94
Aphenphosmphobia
Katy May 2020
There’s that fear of being so vulnerable - so breakable - that if you do shatter you might not be able to put all the pieces back together again
May 2020 · 78
More To Stories
Katy May 2020
People tend to focus solely on the endings

But they fail to remember just how beautiful the beginning was

Oh and how full of life the middle was

There’s more to stories than just the end
May 2020 · 84
Butterflies
Katy May 2020
Oh how quickly

The butterflies wings

Went up in flames

And turned to ashes
May 2020 · 80
Wild Fires
Katy May 2020
DON’T light a fire
You NEVER intended
To keep burning
May 2020 · 91
Cold
Katy May 2020
I gave you hold of my soul
But I never thought you’d let go

Now I’m lost here on my own
Questioning if I loved you too much or not enough

The days keep bleeding together
I barely noticed the change in the weather

Cause I’ve been cold since the day you left
May 2020 · 90
Autumn Brings Healing
Katy May 2020
I used to love winter
But that’s changed
It was winter when I fell for you
I fell faster than the blanketing snow
We were a blizzard of emotions
When it all calmed down we made it out of the storm
But we were distances apart on completely opposite sides

Spring set in early that year
It seemed to have brought you with it
Yet I remained detached for my own good
I’d always give in too easy and get my hopes up
Just to be torn down and crushed

When summer eased its way in
You somehow found a crack in my walls
And made your way back in
And I let you, because I thought after all the time that had passed things would be different
For awhile it was

Until the clouds began to cover overhead
I thought they’d be short lived
But weeks passed and they never budged
Then came the strikes of lightning all around me
Your shouts of thunder followed, rattling my bones
I saw a flash, fled for cover but couldn’t find a safe place
As the last stroke of lightning hit me
Leaving me stunned

I look at the scars left behind now
Sometimes they feel like they’ll burst open again
It wouldn’t take much most days
But I’m realizing more and more we’ll never have our season
It’s probably better that way
May 2020 · 97
Full Color
Katy May 2020
Everyone around you sees your story in black and white
.
.
.
But remember, you’re living it in full color
May 2020 · 90
Survival
Katy May 2020
I adopted many bad habits

As a coping mechanism

For an unhealthy relationship
May 2020 · 82
Living Ghosts
Katy May 2020
The dead don’t haunt me
Those aren’t the ghosts that keep me up at night

It’s the living that appear in the corners of my room
Lurking in the moonlight
They steal my sleep as they creep closer to my bed

Eventually climbing right on in
To ensure I’m aware they don’t intend on leaving
Regardless of the physical distance I’ve put between us

They terrify me more than the dead
Because they can’t be put to rest
May 2020 · 106
Mornings Suck, Huh?
Katy May 2020
While you fill your guts with liquor
I’ll be filling mine with tea

You’ll be out late
I‘ll be in my bed no later than ten, fast asleep

We’ll both be up in the morning
But I’ll be the only one at peace
I made no mistakes
I have no regrets from my night

While you wake up to a headache from hell
And a girl in your bed
That for one second has you smiling

Until she turns over and you realize she isn’t me
Katy May 2020
You deserve to live your life without counting the days
They say your mind is slipping from you
So maybe you won’t have the torture of your days being numbered filling your thoughts
But it will be filling mine

It already is

With that comes the weight of knowing one day you won’t recognize my face
Or remember my name

That at the end I’ll be a stranger to you
Standing at your bed side
It makes me sad to imagine that my presence may bring you more fear than it will comfort
May 2020 · 114
Clipped Wings
Katy May 2020
You took pieces of me
Like plucking feathers from a bird

It seemed harmless at first
Until I realized I could no longer fly
May 2020 · 76
Lost Identity
Katy May 2020
I look at myself in pictures
And see everyone else
But me
May 2020 · 67
Insecurities
Katy May 2020
We mask them
Hide them so well

To keep up the image
Whatever image we want to portray
Because that makes us “strong” in our minds
Looking the part of being put together makes us feel like maybe it’s true

Then we get out of the public eye
To our safe place
Where we fall apart

The glue lets loose
And all the pieces come crashing down
Piling up on the floor

All the doubt clouds our head
It’s enough to suffocate us
A battle that’s become so necessary
It’s like a part of us
But we wish it wasn’t
May 2020 · 57
The Modern Paradox
Katy May 2020
How ironic
That we draw countless hearts
On the body
We so viciously hate
May 2020 · 106
Fragmented
Katy May 2020
It’s difficult to remember a time where I didn’t see cracks in my skin
Mystified that the first few went unnoticed
Until they became so abundant
I left blood on everything I touched

My bones ached from being so exposed
It spread so quickly I couldn’t keep up
I’d begin mending the large wounds
And come across five new

I’d care for the ones on my hands
Just for them to burst open the second I grabbed my pen
May 2020 · 178
Untitled XXII
Katy May 2020
I want answers and an explanation
But it’s not my place to pry
And pick at the scabs
While you’re healing
Title ideas??
May 2020 · 83
My Shade of Blue
Katy May 2020
I wish they were inviting and bright
Like a cloudless sky

     So you could see yourself soaring
     With the birds and planes

But they’re haunting and dark
Like the Marianas Trench

     And I’m afraid you’d just see yourself sinking
     Like the Titanic, to meet your tragic end
May 2020 · 87
But It Was Real
Katy May 2020
One day
My imprint on you won’t be so poignant
It will be faint enough
You’ll think of me
As just some sick, twisted dream
May 2020 · 171
Bitter
Katy May 2020
I drink sweet tea
To cover up all of the
B i t t e r n e s s
In me
May 2020 · 184
Mahogany & Teakwood
Katy May 2020
Does the fact that I love candles that smell like men’s cologne versus feminine floral scents categorize me as lonely? Because I’ve been single for two years now and I think that I might be lonely.
Jan 2019 · 209
Volumes
Katy Jan 2019
Silence speaks v o l u m e s


It's just not what you want to h e a r
Jan 2019 · 480
Going Back
Katy Jan 2019
It's exhausting
going back
to a place
you've come
to hate
Jan 2019 · 464
The Absence of Her
Katy Jan 2019
There have been so many times
I've almost given in to loving you again

But then I remember you love her

And only love me in the absence of her
Jan 2019 · 381
So You're Smoking Again
Katy Jan 2019
Some of us have demons we thought we exorcised
The truth is they just went into hiding and became dormant

Well, mine has come back out to play
Wreaking his havoc through my entire body

The nicotine is the safest way I can ward him off
While I try to figure out how to get rid of him completely
Jan 2019 · 420
Storm of Destruction
Katy Jan 2019
Often times I'm too much
But in a sense still not enough

I'd like to say I'm a work in progress
To cut myself a little slack

But in all honesty I'm a mess
And I guess that's why they call me a storm to be reckoned with
I tend to be more destructive than I am constructive
Katy Jan 2019
We both have this need for attention - to be loved
Being alone absolutely terrifies us
Yet we're content being alone together

He understands rules and knows how he should behave and so do I
However, we both falter at times - we can be a bit too much for some

I have sat and wondered endlessly about these things trying to figure out how we could be nearly the same
With the answer in front of me the entire time

Our pasts have shaped us
Both of us were left behind by the people we loved the most
We trusted them and they tossed us aside
The trauma of being thrown away and withered down made us who we are
*Finley is my dog*
Jan 2019 · 653
Things that Keep Me Awake
Katy Jan 2019
Is your bed as cold and lonely as mine?


Or are you content with how you left things?
Jan 2019 · 641
Pinks, Purples, and Blues
Katy Jan 2019
I bleed in pastels
To mimic the beauty of sunsets
Jan 2019 · 563
Left Bleeding
Katy Jan 2019
I will keep trying
Until you shoot me down enough times
To bleed out all the hope I have left
Jan 2019 · 281
It Goes On
Katy Jan 2019
The sun is coming up
Just like it always does
Like it always has

Long before you
Long before me
Long before us

And tonight the sun will set
Just like always
I don't know why I'm still surprised
But I always am
It goes on even if "we" died
Jan 2019 · 173
Crown of Thorns
Katy Jan 2019
I wear this crown of thorns
To mask the insecurities that lie beneath my skin

And I'm scorned for being so abrasive
Pricking the fingertips that reach to touch me

But it's a daunting task to let anyone in
And believe you won't get hurt
After the cruelty I've endured
Jan 2019 · 192
Same Room, Same Air
Katy Jan 2019
The first drag I ever took of a cigarette left the taste of ash in my mouth
And a burning in my throat all the way to my lungs
Until I coughed so much I felt sick
That's how I feel being in the same room breathing the same air as you
Jan 2019 · 238
WARNING: Broken Glass
Katy Jan 2019
My feelings etch the page
With each tear that falls from my face

The pictures form
From the blood pooling out of the cuts on my hands

How was I supposed to know you would break me?
Or that my own pieces would cut me?

I just wanted to put them back together
So I didn't feel so empty
So I could be whole again
Jan 2019 · 236
The Chaos Within
Katy Jan 2019
I write to make sense of the chaos in my head
Trying to speak the words only leaves them on the tip of my tongue
For if they left my lips and floated to someone else's ears
I'm almost certain there would be a crusade of my bones
Instead of a compassionate understanding of my soul

— The End —