That day, my tears surrendered—

no flood, no fight, just silence.
It stopped feeling,

as if watching Nagasaki fall,

a mushroom cloud rising, 

bodies frozen,
shadows left behind,

no scream, no running—

just acceptance.
You built a void within me,

 an implosion of despair,

and sealed it shut.

I have never felt this way about anyone before now.
But I have also never felt depression until this hour.
You are a spot of peace, in a mind on
fire.
But what if you are not heaven, just a lesser hell which I desire?

I like the poison that I drink.
I'm guilty of a million lines.
It ain't my fault my blood is ink
and I was cut too many times...

****** reds
Broken blues
Heaven I want
Hell I choose
A menagerie of scars maps surface of skin
Eternity mocking every sin
Dawn overtakes darkness each day
Shining light inside is conquered by dismay
My heart is armored to protect from getting hurt
Harbor of regret hidden under my shirt
The birdsong becoming constant serenade
Along with the stars
Notes soon will fade
Watching windows
Don't dare crack my door
Bones too delicate to endure elements anymore
An ocean of fears drowning head
Scared to face future
I crawl into a hole instead
These evenings cannot seem to escape the shadow on my heels
Could never explain how immense every single problem feels

I cried earlier
I'm not sure why
Each tear will not change the fact you died
Under covers I sometimes pretend
You are not gone but the fantasy ends
When it is time to taste truth I feel sad
Silently scream cause I miss you so bad
Looking at photo I think of your embrace
Wishing I again could experience your lips on my face
Something shifted in soul the day you disappeared
Can't tell exactly what it is I just know I need you here

My heart burns without presence

Your mouth says my name and voice still sounds the same

The inner damsel in me fights way through my flesh

Leading her by glow of all the potential I set on fire

My hot skin itches for touch while yours is soothed by a thick coat of reassurance

Is medicated by unwavering dose of devotion

My wound so raw and pain so sharp knives flee in fear of injury

My blood screaming for recognition

Like how many drops must be spilled for you to acknowledge I'm dying?

How many cuts appear before you notice I'm not well?

Hell
At this point begging for my tissue to be pulled in two directions and a massive amount of sodium chloride poured in
Would relish the agonizing
Unpredicted sting
Because at least that means I can tell you know I'm not alright

You seem to understand exactly where to rub the salt in
Not where to bandage

You have my heart in chains
After all these years
The mercy of your affection
Hand that wipes my tears

You're mesmerizing beyond measure
Smile leaves me paralyzed
The sole word you have to utter is "Come!"
Legs move to my surprise

I obey each wish and command
Your approval I seek
All you need done to hear me talk
Simply call out to me "Speak"

You are not aware of power
Love feels like a restraint
Pulled me along by your heels
Never guided me straight

I am obedient pet
One that knows how to sit
I am too happy to lie down where I'm told
When you tell me to "Stop!" I quit

The fact is I keep heart locked up
In pound waiting for you to change
After all this time
Remains in your ribcage