258.4 leaves a bad taste in my mouth
- 258.4 is broken promises and lonely nights
- 258.4 is the distance between us
it's a blessing
it's a curse
- 258.4 is two kids crying their ******* eyes out
- 258.4 is complete and utter solitude
it's feeling like you're not enough
it's feeling worthless
- 258.4 is seeing you two together
- 258.4 is wondering why you don't reply anymore
if i should have kept my mouth shut
if i should have kept quiet
- 258.4 is love and it's pain
it's burning hot and searing cold
it's hating everything i've ever been
- 258.4 is all it took to break us

sorry you can’t handle me
at my worst or at my best
my words never mattered
cause his body was closer
and mine was too familiar

my touch is like honey
it’s forever dripping sweet
my words are like rose thorns
they make you cry, pain and beauty
your blood’s on my lips and i’m not sorry

i smile real big, show my teeth
my heart is dying and my lungs are straining
yeah, you’ll never stop hurting me
i’ll work my hardest like always
swear to god you’ll hurt like i do

there's an angel with thorns in his mouth, honey dripping from his lips
an angel flickering, glowing, burning like a lit cigarette
an angel with a thousand wings
an angel like a holy storm
an angel with tears of black and eyes forever closed
angels walk the earth.
they play with fire and taste like whisky.
angels are here
hallelujah

It’s near midnight and shadows traipse across my floor
Silence hangs heavy, disturbed only by the scratching of my pencil
I’m writing you a letter
Covered in, smothered by my confusion and pain
Every line feels like a stab to the stomach
You wouldn’t care anyway
Flick
The lighter is small and covered in a glossy, red resin
The warmth reaches my hand, comforting and calm
I’m lighting it on fire
Burning, smoking and finally, finally gone
The flames destroyed my words
You wouldn’t care anyway

when i smell smoke i think of you
you’ve only just turned 16, but it seems like you’re ageless.
maybe you’ve been told you’re mature for your age one too many times
i remember us standing in a field
you lifted a lit cigarette to your lips and laughed at the habit
a scholarship student turned burnout with an addiction
i smiled but my heart ached for you as i coughed when you exhaled
you remembered my asthma
you threw the cigarette on the ground and stomped on it
we walked through the quiet town, miles from your home
you looked like magic
you said you were worried your vices outweighed your virtues
you said you were worried you were standing in your grave
you said you were worried your expiration date was close
i smiled and shook my head
i said you were wrong
i think you were right

your hands are on me
you made me bad
disgusting, rotten and
wrong
you spoiled my innocence
my ability to trust
you erased my childhood with your
hands
all i can see is your hands
everywhere they shouldn’t be
they’re suffocating me and you’re
evil
you’re **** near evil
you’re just a memory
i hope you burn, bleed, drown
choke

Perhaps it was meant to be this way because you’re smiling while my hands are covered in bruises from punching the wall and my eyes are red with tears
Perhaps it was meant to be this way, i’m too fast or too slow. Miles ahead or playing catch up and you’re tired of being left behind or waiting for me
Perhaps it was meant to be this way because even though my scars don’t bleed anymore, it’s all you see and I understand that it’s too much. I’m too much
Perhaps it was meant to be this way, boys like me don’t get to end up with girls like you. We tried as hard as we could but some things don’t change
Maybe this is how it was meant to be but it seems like you don’t care. Like you never cared
Maybe this is how it was meant to be but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less

I sip my coffee and watch the people
They each have their own story to tell, their own past
Maybe they can’t remember theirs
Maybe they don’t want to anymore
Maybe they loved every second of it
Maybe they hated it
But they are here
They made it
Every choice they ever made led them here to this sip of coffee
To this conversation with a stranger
To this smile and this breath of air
It’s beautiful and complicated
But I am here
I made it
I sip my coffee
I watch the people
I smile
I am here

veins.

i’m made of scars and too much blood pouring out of me. I’m made of razor blades and roof tops and letters i wanted to leave behind but i couldn’t, i never could
2. face.

i’ve never been pretty. average at my very best. they all say looks don’t matter, but come on, no one can say i’m beautiful with a straight face and that’s not something i can change
3. miles.

i’m not close enough to touch and that kills us both. you need a warm body to hold and i don’t blame you I’m just too distant and i’ve got ice cold hands
4. medicine.

it’s a little too much and that’s okay. i’ve got more prescriptions than friends and the diseases in my head won’t stop killing me, they’re treatable not curable
5. habits.

i’m always ******* drunk and you don’t like that. i can’t handle anything except my pills and i like to test my limit, another cigarette, another drink and you’re fading away
6. past.

my life before we met was never calm. i have memories i can’t place with hands i don’t remember, turbulence is all i know and that made you feel too unstable, i understand
7. bones.

i wasn’t born in the right body. i’m scared to show who i am to anyone but you, and maybe that brought us closer but it’s tearing me apart inside and you had to see that
8. ichor.

we think we’re celestial, like stars on earth. i’m an angel who’s here on mistake and you fell too soon, but divinity burns and we don’t know where we’re going
9. gone.
i’m ruined. i’m ugly. i’m distant. i’m sick. i’m addicted. i’m traumatized. i’m wrong. i’m lost.

i’m sorry

your hands hold mine gentle but firm
kisses softly placed on my neck
hushed whispers and silent smiles
i want to tell the world about you
but in this moment
i am content
with quiet love

i’m faster than the wind when the meds don’t work
and that’s when you say you love me with soft words like honey
you like the neon lights in my eyes and i love your tear-stained eyeliner
you said you were intoxicated by my danger, you said we were invincible
i’m bright eyes and bad ideas, I’m toxic waste with a lipstick smile
i’m a bottle of *****, ****** knuckles, bare feet in the snow
there’s no sleep, just a restless head and electric eyes
it’s not poetic when it’s your life
and it’s time you saw that

I’m down again soon and it’s sad, i guess
im the boy with scars on his hips and a past he’s hidden
I’m the boy with shaking hands and blood smeared on his mouth
you don’t see the light anymore, you said the flames went out
the pills i swallow are too much for you, just like i am
i’ve never been invincible, just untouchable
there’s nothing beautiful about it
you should run, baby
they always do

i think our love was ill-fated
you’ve got his hands in yours and you don’t miss mine
you said soulmates never died and our love couldn’t expire
the signs were clear, but we never read the warning labels
maybe it’s how i flinched at your touch and my inability to trust
or how you never heard me when i spoke
i’m a live wire and you’re a swimming pool.
i should have seen this coming
this is how it always ends

i brought him roses today
i didn't want to,
but he's still everything to me
i brought him roses today
i apologized to him,
pretending it was all my fault
i brought him roses today
roses made of tears and unconditional love
i gave him a bouquet of words
i brought him roses today
and i am never doing it again

sun girls:
they’re all bright eyes and warm hands, they’ll kiss you on the cheek. beautiful freckles. glowing skin, sunflowers and paintbrushes gripped tightly in their hand.

moon girls:
dark clothes and a eyes-closed kind of grin, beat up sneakers and an arizona iced tea, hair that shines, they sparkle even in the dark. soft kisses that taste like spearmint.

mercury girls:
smooth talkers, could convince you to do anything. big eyes and round lips, hair ******* or tucked behind their ear. late night walks and quiet conversations.

venus girls:
lipgloss and breathless laughing, soft hands and tummy. kissing their girlfriend randomly. a voice like honey. hypnotizingly lovely. muffled music and strawberry lemonade.

mars girls:
quick winks and subtle smirks. would **** for you. a love deeper than the ocean, strong shoulders and collar bones. ****** knuckles healing over and tight hugs.

neptune girls:
dreamy girls, hazy around the edges. tilting their heads to the side and sleeping soundly. delicate hands and cherry chapstick. hot cups of tea served with knowing eyes.

saturn girls:
sharpened pencils tucked behind their ear. serious eyes with a hint of laughter. tapping their toes and paying attention. books piled high with the pages well loved.

jupiter girls:
moving their hips and applying lipstick. a smile that electrifies you and lips that entrance you. has a hundred admirers but loves the one girl she can’t have. red lights and excitement.

pluto girls:
confidence that carries through the air. tastes like energy drinks and lightning. crooked smile messy hair. continuous movement with no time to talk. gesturing hands and shuffling papers.

when i first saw you, you were in that old car
you grinned up at me from the passengers seat
your eyes glimmered and that smile stayed with me
i knew i'd see you again
it seems so far away now, but it's only been 21 days
yesterday you bought me a coffee and held my hand
you gave me your sweatshirt and kissed me goodbye
i noticed how you smelled like smoke and fire
i always fall for the ones with the addictions
you'd never do it in front of me, my lungs are too fragile
you've always been worried about my asthma
but i know a cigarette eventually finds its way to your lips
late at night when you're alone and the memories come back
i tell you to sleep, to breathe, to drink more water
you always shush me
"don't worry, love
i'm gonna last forever"

his head is spinning
maybe it was too much
finally
the cough syrup and the pills hit and he starts to forget
it’s for the best, perhaps
too smart for his own good
yeah, maybe the cuts don’t bleed anymore
but god knows the scars burn his skin
it’d be funny if it wasn’t so **** sad
he tries to save everyone
he can’t even save himself

There’s serenity in the silence of the woods
It’s a quiet that covers you in reflection and calm
The smallest rustle, the most gentle breeze is amplified
There’s no sound to conceal you, to bury yourself in
There’s serenity in the silence of the woods
It’s a beauty born from ancient oaks and saplings
It’s a purity that could only come from the open sky
You could let your mind sleep while your feet carry on
There’s serenity in the silence of the woods
Remember where you walk, remember the path home
The trees leak divinity, but don’t tell them your name
Don’t leave yourself to the mercy of the forest
Because there’s serenity in the silence of the woods
But silence is not the only entity who watches you

the pills are useless
you just can't cure a kid that's already dead
my mind's gone
replaced my tablets of therapeutic poison
i'd give up
if it weren't for the people i'd leave behind