My little
Happy reason
Nothing pitiful
In this season
Running in the meadow
Just going with the flow

Little butterfly
Flying by
My closed window
Then a little show
Starts to play
In my head

One made up
Only playing for me
Some parts reality
Other parts dreams and what's up
Then it's what's down
Then it's what's right
Then it's all that's left

But hey
I've got reasons to stay
In the fields of grass and earth
Or seated by the hearth
Soaking up the warmth
From the sun or fire
Wishing it were from a person
One in particular
But that's alright
I can dream
I can dance in a moonbeam
Under the starlight
Where my soul shines bright

Sing to your heart to find you
It calls to
One such as yourself
So search for it
Not just for a bit
Search for your happy reason.

- Jay M
March 16th, 2020

Walking to fate
Door opens
Familiar face
But even so
Not all things familiar
Should be welcomed with embrace

Waiting
Discussing
Then
The new solution!?

No
Only anger
Impulses
Thoughts still uncontrollable
"Go, go.."
But that's not what they're supposed to say.

Still the same thoughts
Unchanged
Never caged
Not for long in the least

A cure?
Impossible
No such thing could be
Even if it were
Without me knowing
It would be buried
Deep inside me
Beyond that of which I cannot recall
Cast to the lowest it may go

Tears, screaming, pain,
Everything becoming dull
My reason for being made null
But still I remain
Still I drag myself along
This rugged road
Feeling so much
But nothing at all...

- Jay M
April 15th, 2019

Suffer in my skin
Burn, itch, scream
Scratch and bleed
Peel away, fall away
The dead make way
To bring forth more
All to die, all to be shed
To crash and be forgotten
Scars scarcely to fade

Suffer in my clothes
Fabrics conceal
But only for so long
Before they must be torn away
Cast aside, as others before
To be cleansed and worn anew
Each day bringing new sentiment
Or perhaps only for a single moment
A single day, to cherish or to lament.

- Jay M
September 23rd, 2022

Rising in the morning
Curtain swaying
By & by
Then he's saying,

"Yeah, I know today's gonna
Be a little hard,
But you can make it through.
You can make it through."

Sitting 'round noon now
And he sees her goin'
By & by
Then he's saying,

"Yeah, I know today's gonna
Be a little hard,
But you can make it through.
You can make it through."

- Jay M
September 17th, 2019

There are some days
When I wake up
And feel

N o t h i n g

Even the sun's rays
Cannot touch the cup
That lies in my mind
Waiting for me to find
Something real

Take a step, when I land my heel
Each time it touches the earth below me
Something calls my attention
Like the buzzing of a bee
As I look about I notice tension
All throughout my body
Fear courses through my veins
And is embodied in sound
Footsteps echoing upon the ground
Reminders of great pains
Slipping through my fingers again like grains
To pour down like powerful rains
From an unforgettable storm

Sit by the fire
Keeping me warm
Cut the wire
Sever it, block it out
To no avail
Error, fail
Cannot shake it
Louder than any shout
Not one bit

Smother the screams
Throw on a smile
Don't let the darkness bleed through
Hold your tongue
Not all is as it seems
Walk about a mile
Understand what you thought you knew
Remember that song they sung
Those pretty little liars in your head
How they would fill you with dread
Well, they're all in your head
So don't give them a voice
Shut them up
And put on a smile
Act like they didn't spill that pretty little cup
The oasis in your head
Is simply that
So wear a waterproof hat

Atomic seconds to seconds
Seconds to minutes
Minutes to hours
Hours to days
Days to weeks
Weeks to months
Months to years
Years to decades
Decades to centuries
Centuries to millennium
Going eventually to eternity
But the reality of it is;
All that's passed is a few minutes

Not all is as it seems
Maybe Poe had it right;
Maybe all we see or seem,
Is but a dream within a dream

Reality is whatever we shape it to be for ourselves
Some feel the have lost that control
To shape their reality
When the answer is right in front of them
Day after day;
You

You shape your own reality
So long as it follows all of the rules, of course
That bind together our lovely little world
Ridden with horror and beauty alike
Only time can help reveal which is which
And what is real or false
A picture or what's true.

- Jay M
April 20th, 2020

Falling through the parallels
Cascading into the unknown
Vast expanse of the cosmos
Drifting through realities
Concepts close, yet so foreign
Crashing through layers of understanding
Slipping away into the indescribable void

Dark and unfeeling
Unsure of any heavens or hells
Valhalla or helheim, underworld or elysium
Disconnected for seeming eternities
To be caught in flux, in transcendence
While still encapsulated within mortal vessels
Souls kept within strange quarters
Pilots of flesh and bone

Journey through the expanse
Venture into plains untouched
Seen, but never disturbed
Sacred lands, without defined boundary
Effervescent luminescence,
Fluid and undefined
Perhaps a vision of the ethereal
Or voyage into the astral.

- Jay M
September 13th, 2022

Is the depth of grief.

- Jay M
October 13th, 2022

Fed the scraps
Accepting the slight
Mere ways things
Were better than before
But obsession isn't love
"I love you" isn't an apology
Ideas and imaginations aren't love

Actions speak louder than words
I hoped for acceptance, you gave me
Regurgitated words and thoughts
I hoped for simpler times
You gave me conflicts
And a new part
In my endless
Cycle of this
Pain

It was set up, but I was never warned
Dove into the water head first
Didn't stop to think, not even once
We both wanted happiness,
Neither of us truly are
You may not understand
I didn't either, not at first
But obsession isn't love
"I love you" isn't an apology
Ideas and imagination aren't love

When I saw the flags
Bright scarlet, waving
I ignored them, set them aside
Right in front of me, didn't hide
The facts hit me like waves
But I wouldn't face the truth

I was in love with a fairytale
The idea of you, just as you
Are obsessed with the idea of me
So much so that after a breakup
You mourned louder than a baby
For days and nights, you grieved
Inconsolable, nearly sent away
Nearly sent away, all because;
Obsession isn't love,
"I love you" isn't an apology
Ideas and imagination aren't love
And regurgitating more than simply thoughts
Shouldn't have even happened,
Nor should we have gotten back together

What can I do, what can I say?
There's a line between healthy
And prodding concern
There's a line between love
And deep rooted obsession
There's a line between odd
And perverse collections
There's a line between us
That neither wanted to see
But it's there, it's clear
But lines are often ignored,
Or well worn and misunderstood

Neither wants to face the truth
Surely none moreso than you
But this is all that I can do
So just as predicted,
It's time to see this through;
The story of me and you
Should end here
Not tomorrow,
Not next week;
Now, when you're done
Reading these last few words.

- Jay M
August 26th, 2022

Slip down the *****, zipping and zooming.

- Jay M
October 13th, 2022

Birds chirping overhead
Songs echoing in beauty
A different type of speech
Nonspecific, yet still so
An impossible possibility

A black and white photograph
Stirring memories
The dust inhaled
Coughing fit
Just like
That day
Years ago

Every little sight
Sound
Texture
Scent
Taste
Brings it about
And back into the light

Relive the good ol' days
The magic
When you were young
Didn't know much
Or knew too much

That summer
Way back when
Under the tree
On top of the hill
When we were kids
But that was then
But please
Take me back to when
We were kids
Just some good ol' nostalgia

- Jay M
September 3rd, 2019

Slowly
It's taking over me
Enticing, it's hypnotic
Sweet summer kisses
Fireflies and gleaming stars
Steady flames, silly little games

Can you feel me now?
Do you feel me now?
Hold me close in the dark
Hearts beating so close
It calls, they call, they beckon
"Come closer, closer now"
Enthralled, I breathe you in
Your scent alluring, I'd swear
It's like my personal drug
And oh, I'm addicted

In my sleep,
You've got me tossing and turning
Conflicted schedules, here and there
Like a tug on my melodic heart
I reckon it only grows fonder
Even if the days are sour and gross
A call from you, and it's all sugar,
Baby you've got me on a high

Sure know how to leave your mark
On my mind all the time
Unlike old hits and misses
Boy you never miss a beat
Memories in picture frames
Never gonna collect dust,
I know it, we'll see
Replay until we rest
Exhausted, side by side
Let's just be.

- Jay M
June 20th, 2022

Trapped
Within the confines of your own mind
Unable to escape
The prison cell it has become

Calling;
"Please, don't leave me!"

Yet
None can hear
These cries for help
And none are registered
For you wear a mask
Of flesh

"Hopeless..."
Comes a whisper
"You are hopeless..."

You can't take back
What is in the past

I'd love to leave it all behind
But I can't let it go
Lie to myself
How could I?

Forever afraid
Of being loved

Put the bottle down
I tell myself
Again and again
For the 100th time
It seems...

I do anything
Just to feel
Alive

I look the same
But I'm not fine
No matter what I told you
I am;
Broken
Bleeding
Lost and defeated

I am merciless
To myself
Merciful
To all else

I am just another casualty

When they least expect it
It will strike
Taking a hit
Shooting me down

This is me;
The monster
Revealed
Right before your eyes

What do you think of me now?

- Jay M
June 9th, 2019

How do you love someone,
Without getting hurt?
How can you feel so much,
Yet nothing at all?
How do love someone
With a broken heart?
I've been asking myself for a while,
Never been so lost,
Hopeless, but not dreamless,
Nightmares and dreams,
Both cloud my mind,
Thoughts rushing like rivers,
Tears, invisible but there...

Drip

Drop

The poison won't stop,
Black as my tainted soul,
Struggling to survive.

- Jay M
November 2nd, 2018