Through all I’ve done,
All I’ve seen,
Will it ever be enough?
No matter how hard I work,
Keeping those whom I love safe,
Sheltered from the darkness,
The darkness from within seeps through,
Reaching for them,
But I cast it back,
Take the key and hide it away,
Though they always seem to find it,
Go through the maze I made for them,
Faster and faster,
Never leaving me to a moment of peace.
No matter what I do,
They always find a way to drag me back down,
No matter how high I try to fly,
They catch me and break my wings,
Every time I claw my way back up,
Wings still broken,
I form new ones,
Fake ones,
So that I may fly again,
Even just for a moment,
All to be good enough,
For them,
Both the demons and the mortals,
And myself.
Alas, no matter how much I scream,
No matter how much I cry,
Crying unseen tears,
None seem to notice,
Nor do they care,
I am a burden,
A mere weight,
Dragging everyone down,
Down with me into the void,
Showing them my broken soul.
Not once did they wonder at the start,
Not once did they question it,
For t’wasn’t a matter of theirs,
I was merely a child,
Am merely a child,
A small, weak creature,
Slowly losing the mental battle,
Alas, it matters not for them,
Only that I smile and look okay,
No matter how much I’m dying on the inside,
So long as I don’t drag them down too.
All I want is to keep them safe,
To shield them from the demons and monsters,
No matter how much I bleed,
I’ll be okay,
So long as they are okay,
If they are happy,
I suppose I can try, too,
For their sake, I’ll battle the darkness,
Alas, for my own sake,
All hope was lost long ago,
So I suppose this is enough,
Living for them,
Hopeless, but not lifeless,
Not yet, for the battle still rages,
Within the confines of my mind.
- Jay M
October 8th, 2018